okay. im a girl and i guess you could say im a little shy. but lately i feel like a total outsider at school. my friends all seem to either ditch me, or we just dont connect like we used to. my one best friend was like ignoring me today. i just dont know where to turn. like i have a ton of guy friends but i just dont feel accepted in my groups of girl friends. today i joined a club to make some new friends, but i felt like i didnt belong. im not trying to sound all b-itchy, but im not ugly or weird or fat. im just a normal girl trying to make it thru high school. so what do i do? should i change my personality or something so im more outspoken/outgoing? i feel so alone at school and a total loner.
2007-10-11 11:24:35 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Nothing is wrong with you! I used to feel really alone at school too, and it's confusing and stressful to deal with. Sometimes it's just part of being adolescent, as unhelpful as that sounds. I think that it's really good that you're trying to actively make friends - but the one thing you definitely shouldn't do is change yourself. You should continue to grow as a person and learn new things and find new interests, but just be yourself. You'll find that when you are a little older this will make you a more secure, interesting person and that people will see that and really appreciate it. You may also find that having gone through this makes you more mature in many ways, and makes you more compassionate when dealing with other people who may not feel that they entirely belong. These are good qualities to have.
2007-10-11 11:29:41 · answer #1 · answered by probablestars 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, no, there is nothing wrong with you. Next, please realize that if you were ugly, weird or fat, there would be nothing wrong with you either. Thinking that way definitely will not help you make friends.
Okay, now to get to your issue. Sometimes people feel this way. There are times in life where everyone feels that they are not accepted by others. This will NOT be the rest of your life, I promise you. I want to say that you're awesome because you took the initiative to join a club and meet people. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you took action. GOOD FOR YOU!!!
Don't ever change who you are to "fit in" with some group. People will see right through you and you will look fake. THEN someone will think you're "weird". The best way to get through high school IS to be yourself. People will be less likely to make you a target.
Why don't you talk to your best friend? Make plans with her for this upcoming weekend. Just spend a day talking, laughing. Enjoying yourself with someone you are comfortable with. Realize that she may have had a bad day/week at school and she might not be aiming her attitude at you in particular. Perhaps she really needs a day out with a good friend as well.
Life goes through ups and downs. It can only go up from here. Good luck to you!
2007-10-11 11:37:12 · answer #2 · answered by Strawberry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you do not need to change your personality. You should be yourself at all times. That said, I will tell you that to have a friend, you must be a friend. And that you might have to get a more positive attitude. You sound sort of sad and lonely. Why wait for those friends to include you in their activities. Make friends of your own and just do the things that make you really happy. If it is hanging with the guys, so be it. Guys make good friends too. Those girls will wonder why the guys like you and not them. As far as the club you joined, I think it would benefit you if you stay in it and make your best contributions. That should win some friends for you.
2007-10-11 11:41:39 · answer #3 · answered by oldknowitall 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be because you are shy that you feel that you don't belong, for example, in that club but other than perhaps getting more confidence in yourself, don't change a thing because it may be something that you are not aware of and shouldn't worry about. Do you get better grades than them? Or perhaps you are the only one with as many guy friends and they envy you because of that. It could even be that because you feel like a loner that you are trying too hard to make friends with the girls.
Just be yourself and try to build up your confidence, concentrate on the school work, and the point may come when they want to come to you just because you are different than them. Remember that a few of them who are hanging together with a lot of friends will also be pregnant next year and you will not be and a few of them will be wives and mothers before they want to be and will be here asking question in the future as to what went wrong. Just be yourself and things can only get better for you in the future.
2007-10-11 11:43:24 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow those were the days when you could go to school and be totally dissed by all you know. I don't miss those days, but I can tell you it does get easier. You will have to revamp yourself but not your personality. You will have to just not let it get to you, you see you are taking their behavior to personally. How do you know it has anything to do with you? Maybe they just want to be alone? Maybe they are all on their periods and being bitchy because that is what "girls" do the best. If you work at not caring about their happiness so much it won't bother you.
The behavior of others has nothing to do with you really. So if someone called you stupid would that make them right? or do you feel pretty confident it might be them with the hang up? I think if you have to call names, ignore someone, belittle people, you are the one with the issue. A person who has no hangups does not have to insult others to make themselves feel better. (I mean them not you).
SO quite feeling so sullen and defeated move on and live life and be ****ing happy already. Life is too short to let others go dissing your dreams. Don't be a Brittany Spears already the girl has lost her mind because she wants the approval of the world.
Its not going to happen. Good luck and in the mean time read this book. The Mastery of Love by Miguel Ruiz it will help you understand why people are ***holes.
2007-10-11 11:36:12 · answer #5 · answered by kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never change yourself to make other people like you. Maybe you are so used to the same people you are drifting away from them and you just don't know it. That is good that you joined a club to meet new people, it might feel like you don't belong at first but it will always feel that way. Just keep at it, I am sure you are a great person. If your friends don't' accept you then just do what your doing to make new ones. Good Luck!
2007-10-11 11:30:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well. if they ARE ignoring you, then they aren't going to make an effort to hang out with you, don't change ur personality, thats not cool, BUT being shy isn't always the best thing when u are trying to either meet new people or hang out with the old ones. You need to walk up to them and strike up a convo about a subject that ur king at and make sure its normal, like ask them what they've been up to lately, or say that u need to hang out with them soon. i'm sure they will talk to u if U approach them.
2007-10-11 11:31:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
oh gosh...this reminds me of someone i know...oh let me think....ME! i have the same problem as you. im a little shy. and my friends, well right now it feels like some of them are leaving my life, drifting off, and forgetting about me. whatever you do, DON'T CHANGE!! i have learned that. i can tell you right now, it gets you no where, and when you do change, sooner or later they will find the REAL you. trust me, i have been there a million and one times before. try to make new friends, ones that are like you. maybe go up to someone who is alone or a new student. just know that if you need someone to talk to, and your friends won't listen that there are people out there JUST like you. if you need to, you can email me. maybe we can encourage each other to go out there and make new friends, and boost our confidence together.
2007-10-11 11:45:44 · answer #8 · answered by elin213 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We have all felt like that and believe it or not lived thur those tough teenage years! I was shy at onetime to and had my share of friends who have come and gone without a reason but to blame it all on yourself is not the answer.They to have problems and insecurities, even if they act tough,keep doing what your doing and smile at anyone who looks at you it can be an ice breaker.If you still unhappy after a month, then seek out someone you trust to talk to ,you may be depressed and not even realize it,And everyone "seems" to not care about you when your depressed.Good Luck !
2007-10-11 11:33:49 · answer #9 · answered by barcan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's nothing wrong with you. Be you. Don't even think about changing to be accepted by one group or another. Your worth doesn't come from outside yourself. Learn to like who and what you are. The rest is easy.
2007-10-11 11:31:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋