MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A TOTAL OF 4 YEARS. PART OF THE REASON I MARRIED HIM WAS BECAUSE MY PARENTS WHERE MOVING OUT OF STATE AND WANTED ME TO GO WITH THEM. AT THE TIME I WAS DATING MY HUSBAND AND WE BOTH DECIDED TO BUY A HOUSE AND MOVE IN TOGETHER WELL THEN THE PRESURE OF GETTING MARRIED CAME ON AND WE WENT AHEAD AND GOT MARRIED. FROM THE BEGINING I DIDN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED AND FELT PRESSURED AND REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT EITHER ONE OF OUR FAM. I HAVE TRIED TO DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO LEARN TO LOVE HIM BUT JUST CANT SEEM TO DO IT. ITS THE I LOVE HIM BUT I DON'T LOVE HIM THAT WAY. SO WHAT CAN I DO?
2007-10-11 09:22:55 · 26 answers · asked by no1blond909 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You either do or you dont. You can force it so if you dont feel it I think you should discuss it with him and be honest. its the best way.
2007-10-11 09:26:02 · answer #1 · answered by Aloha_Ann 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You need to understand that love is not a learned behavior.
I am afraid you married this man for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with love. You say it yourself above, "From the beginning I didn't want to get married and felt pressured and didn't want to disappoint either one of our fam." No where do you even hint at love.
One cannot be taught to love another person. Love is not a learned behavior. It is a very powerful affectionate feeling for someone you know to be very special to you. Love is genuine and you cannot fool true love.
Only you know if you love him, but I am going venture a guess and say you probably don't, and you probably know this deep down inside you. If it was not present in the beginning it will not just magically appear one day.
I think you should take a look at your question and try find your answer there. Look at the circumstances surrounding the decision to get married. If you need to, make a list of everything. This has nothing to do with loving him or not. This has everything to do with doing what is right for YOU.
As far as learning to love him, there is no such thing.
2007-10-11 09:39:19 · answer #2 · answered by cagewalker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a serious look at your life....imagine it without him or with someone else. If you can't then you do love him if there is a little part of you that wishes you weren't together talk to him about it sometimes letting him know how you're feeling can give you some insight. My husband and I have been married for 3 and 1/2 years and just recently we had a huge fight and I thought that this was the end for us but we took one day apart from each other and I relized how much he actually means to me. We talked for about two days and they were hard days. Lots of tears, yelling, and silence. But now we are stronger then ever. So I guess my advice is imagine your life without him and if he doesn't mean that much to you maybe you're not suppose to be together. Don't stay together for anyone but yourselves. Families will get over it and still love you for who you are. Hope this helps!!
2007-10-11 09:29:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could choose to be miserable for the rest of your life or you could tell him how you feel and perhaps move on and out. It's kind of tricky because you married him for the wrong reasons it sounds like. Did he think you were in love with him then? Or did he kind of know it was out of convenience? Does he feel the same way?
If he truly believes that this whole time you were in love, then he's going to be crushed. But maybe he knew all along it wasn't that deep and he may not be so hurt.
Be honest with him and just say it's not working out.
2007-10-11 09:29:24 · answer #4 · answered by Ambi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to learn to live for yourself and not let pressure from others force you to make serious decisions that will effect you deeply. If you don't love your husband there is no way that you can make yourself love him or anyone else. You and only you can decide whether or not you should get divorced and start over. It's all up to you.
2007-10-11 09:31:52 · answer #5 · answered by typre50 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have already answered your own question. You are not in love with him (yes you have love for him) you should not stay in the marrage. it has been 4 years and i think you have wasted enough of your time and his. does he love you? some people are just not meant to be together. some people are just better as friends. PLease be honest with him. tell him it's not his fault but that you care for him just not that way. tell him it was just too much too fast. maybe you should talk to him and have a trial seperation. maybe some time apart will make you realize how much you do in fact love him or maybe it will help him realize he feels the same was as you. but be honest. do you have children together??? I wish you all the best. Good Luck :)
2007-10-11 09:30:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think of that it is extremely not your difficulty. regrettably many marry for the incorrect reasons, and because usa is a place of immigrants, people who come right here and hand directly to the customs and taboos linked with their subculture, jointly as residing in a loose society, if do not rectory (handle) their difficulty would be unhappy. What are you able to do? Happiness is approximately adjusting and/or rearranging out lives, now and returned it approximately taking transformations, even whilst not understanding the unknown related to the destiny. it extremely is have a healthful self esteem. Trusting on your instinct, trusting your thoughts and finally, trusting which you realize what's ultimate for your self and performing upon those feeling in spite of the result. the actuality that your buddy recollects and talks approximately her ex is that deep down in her head she is conscious that she made mistake (possibly unbeknown to her on the time of her judgements) yet now with time she realizes her lost. the actuality that she is in a marriage is that the two she needs what that marriage aspects for her, she consists of to many taboos approximately women human beings who assert themselves (whether this implies leaving one guy and finally being with different guy,) or that secretly, she has an exceedingly exciting sexual dating together with her husband and you in common terms do not understand approximately it. So, you realize what, except you're a psychologist, or a wellbeing care expert, ideas your organization. What approximately you, according to hazard you have an pastime in her husband, do you think of which you would be extra appreciative of him than she is? Get a existence!
2016-10-06 12:33:37 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand you love him but is not in love with him..You really should of did something about it before you bought a house..My friend went through that and all for the same reasons but he div before he bought a house..You have to decide either to live and just love or leave him and lose the house too.. only you can decide that..
2007-10-11 09:27:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a sad and unfortunate situation. You can try some couples counciling to try to sort things out, but you may have to consider a divorce. What ever you do, don't think having a child together will improve things!!
Give some counseling a try first.
2007-10-11 09:27:47 · answer #9 · answered by missourim43 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of the qualities you do love about him and compare them to what you DO want in a husband. You can't change him or "force" yourself to love him. Try an affordable couples counselor to see what else can be done to save your marriage.
2007-10-11 09:27:34 · answer #10 · answered by *I'm the Best...I Deed It!* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to love him? Be kind to him and end this as soon as possible. Perhaps it was a mistake, but that's in the past. You don't need to continue the mistake into the future. Cut it off now so you can both move on.
2007-10-11 09:26:52 · answer #11 · answered by suzanne g 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋