after 5 years of marriage and being happy together. How can a woman just change and walk out the door?

Question

my common law wife and i were together for 5 years....bought a condo together and she had even told me about mariage in aug 08. She said everything was fine the way it was and never had any bad thoughts about us. Then one day she up and tells me that she "wants to see what else is out there" that she "needs more" and still loves me but its not the same love. Why is it that when you find the one you want and are told the same...women seem to be able to do just the opposite!!

Answer 1

Well , you still have the condo.#

Answer 2

Firstly, I'm very sorry you've been hurt like this...it's always hard when a relationship breaks up, but it's even worse when you don't understand why.

People don't change suddenly...your partner must have been feeling unsettled for a good while, but perhaps she does have a certain, unromantic, kind of love for you, and that's why she wanted to make it work.

However, if the relationship wasn't fulfilling her needs, she has probably done you both a favour, though you won't see it as such, yet.

A relationship where one partner is unhappy can cause rot, resentment and even more heartbreak further down the line. And it doesn't matter whether you are male or female, people change.

She may have meant it when she said she loved you enough to marry you, or she may have just been wanting it to be true. Either way, staying together would have made you both unhappy in the long run.

Please don't let this experience cause you to feel bitter about all women and relationships...let yourself mourn the end of it without hate, then you will begin to heal.

Do you have someone you can talk to, perhaps a friend or a doctor? It may help to share your feelings.

You may never really know the true reason why she left, unless you ask her, so please don't waste time thinking of what could have been, or how you could hurt her in return. These things happen to everyone, and time does heal! (Sorry for the cliche!)

I wish you all the best for the future.

Answer 3

I think that there are a lot of factors that could play into the decision...
1) Age - depending she could be feeling like she's gotten to be too old before she realized it or she feels like she is to young to really look at marriage

2) Time of relationship - you've said common law for five years, does that include how long you were dating each other as well? Still five years with one person is a fair amount of time with an official certificate and such, she may just want to make sure that the 5 years you've had previous won't change in 5 years after marriage

3) Friends - has there been any friends that were recently married and or going through marriage problems? She may be hearing the worst on marriage and about how she was right to "not confine herself" through a marriage

4) Nerves - as much as many little girls dream and plan their wedding day, marriage is a scary thing still. Even though you've been common law for so long, nothing was ever legally official now that talk to turning it may be confusing.

Give her time, as hard as that will be. Just completely dismiss yourself from her life though. Call her up or give her a present just to remind her that you do love her and that marriage isn't going to change that.

Answer 4

This is a CLASSIC example of what happens when two people co-habitate together for years and years without the commitment of marriage. One person gets a bug up their asss and decides "gee, I think I want to see what else is out there" and splits. And guess what? Not a damn thing you can do about it because you're not married and you never made any lifelong commitments to one another. Perhaps the only good thing to come from this is that you won't owe her alimony. I hate to use you as an example, but I hope other people will read this question and see that before you move in with someone, buy a condo with someone, and pretend you have a future with someone, you might want to think about marriage first. Otherwise what's to stop that person from doing what this guy's GIRLFRIEND (not common law wife) did.

Answer 5

Well lets see 5 yrs. no marriage. The 2 of you don't have kids I take it. Her biological clock is ticking & you don't seem to notice. Many women want a stable. perminate relationship. A common law marriage isn't really anything, it means you 2 have lived together for 5 yrs. thats really it. I know some states honor that as like a marriage, but it still isn't that piece of paper saying you have joined your lives together forever.

Or she got the 7 yrs itch a few yrs. early & decided that maybe the grass is greener on the other side of the hill.

Answer 6

And? That's what women are like, they are always playing their card to get the best available. My X is searching for the perfect guy too, the "what else is out there" whoever this imaginary guy is he's sure got a lot of women to choose from. It's a blessing and a curse that guys are so easily made happy. Blessing cause no relationship would ever work if we thought like women, a curse cause we believe everyting is ok and allow ourselves to love completely only to get side swiped.

Answer 7

Dude, I'm sorry. You got played, hard. Maybe the signs were there and you didn't see bcuz you didn't want to see anything but love. I'm sure you'll be really careful in the future.

Sometimes I get really confused with the idea of love. Why is it that we guys are expected to give give all we have, and women are expected to take take, but they leave if they want and take half? Especially the women that choose to have no children. I don't get it - what makes them more special? I know they aren't worth more - what gives with that? I hate being single, but I guess I'd rather be in my place than yours.

Answer 8

The same happend to me after 10 years of marriage and it's funny because your description fits exactly.
To be honest I've not been able to find a good explanation but I assume that we started the relationship very young and she might have identified other goals in life.
Good luck!

Answer 9

It was all an act until she could find something better. And I guess she did .... at least in her mind she did. But it's not always greener in the other pasture. I'm sure she'll realize that in time. You're not the first to have this happen. Just try your best to deal with it and move ahead with your life. Sorry you have to go through this.

Answer 10

Sometimes spouses are oblivious to their significant other's wants and desires. She had probably given you small clues along the way, but you either didn't see them for what they were, or you chose to ignore them. For the most part, men are very logical and up front. When they want something, they say what they want. Men say what they mean, there are no hidden meanings or ulterior motives. With women, they are not always so straight forward. So, you were probably expecting her to come right out and say, "I don't like our marriage because....." But, most women don't. They will say things like, "It's okay" when it's NOT really okay.

Obviously, your communication with her had broken down somewhere.

Answer 11

I'm sorry for you, but obviously she just realized when face to face to spending the rest of her life with you, that she was uncertain about it...it could be cold feet, but I think she is just against getting married to anyone right now. And if after five years, marriage is just now coming up,,,I also wonder about your commitment to marrying her as well..I would try to move on with my life, if I were you. Maybe you need more to than this relationship was bringing...