My life suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

I'm married to a man that i don't love. He recently had a seizure, for the first time (scared the hell out of me). He doesn't seem like he want to be somebody. He just lost his job that makes me more mad. I feel like i'm his care taker, i don't feel like we are equally or that he want to make something out of his life.
I was on the dean's list last year but now my grades are dropping because am so stressed out.
I really think i would be a lot happier without him in my life But i know for a fact that if i leave him he won't be able to make it on his own. I'm giving way more than i'm getting back. Is this what marriage is suppose to be like? I'm 24 and he's 31 and i'm way more mature than he is. He lost his job because he was "joking" around.
Would u stay in an unhappy marriage?

Answer 1

I first have to say "why did you MARRY a man you didnt love? The wedding vows say it all.... For better or WORSE. richer or POORER. Now, I'm not saying to say in it, but it does sound like you are a "little" selfish. He didnt ask to have a seizure and some actually have long term effects, that could mean he has a harder time with things, and could have caused some brain injury. I understand its hard to take care of someone else and some people aren't emotionally able to. But consider this, the tables COULD be turned and YOU may need HIS help. Now i dont know all the details but if he DID loose his job for fooling around then he's not mature enough for a "Mature marriage". He should be thinking of BOTH of your financial future. Sounds like you have been working hard but now feel like you're spinning your wheels. Talk to him and tell him you need his help and if he isn't willing to help in some way then you may need to think of YOURSELF. Try and have an open heart& mind that he MAY be just a stressed as you. Having a seizure is extremely hard on ones body, mind, and independence, self respect , not to mention family. Its a scary thing to happen then to not be able to drive (loss of independence) having to worry if it will happen again , where, and if you will loose all body control (urinate or deficate) everywhere etc... It HAS to be very hard for the both of you. Please just try and see the other side of the coin.
Lots of luck, laugh and prayers...............

Answer 2

Marriage is a job. You have to work at it and it seems to me that neither of you are putting much in to your relationship. Try doing some of the things you used to do and instead of felling like a care taker try making it a little hotter. Go buy yourself a cute sexy hot nurse outfit and get dolled up and give him some medicine of your own. Spice it up a bit and maybe he will start spicing it up for you too and soon the love will come back. The thing is people often get married and just expect the sparks to keep flying without working on it. Being happy doesn't just happen. We make it happen. We wake up every day and we make a choice to make the most of the day and try to be happy about what we have or set there on the pity pot and cry. You can make this better and both of you will be better for it. Just give a try you will see. You must have loved him once after all you did say yes and married him. Put a little more in to it. It is just to darn easy to get a divorce these days. Try a little harder. You never know the next guy might be a lot worse!

Answer 3

I was in your exact same situation. I was married to a man who was disabled and stayed home all day. He had no motivation at all. He would get a job that he could actually do with his physical limitations, and then he would lose it for one reason or another - usually his temper. I had a miserable life and it was not at all what I had signed on for in the whole "marriage" thing. I hate to advocate divorce, but that's what happened in my marriage and I look at him now and wonder how I could have EVER been married to him. We were from two different worlds.

I don't know what to tell you to do because I don't know all your details. Besides, this is your choice to make. I felt like you too - that he wouldn't be able to make it on his own if I left him. But you know what? I finally decided that wasn't my problem. And now he has a much better situation financially than I do. He made it through just fine - and your husband will too. If he's just living off of you, that's not a marriage anyway. That's mooching.

Answer 4

Where were you when the vows were said? Asleep? "For better or worse"? Remember that? "In sickness and in health?" come to mind? You're 24 and still in school so it isn't like you are really a good catch yourself! Were you looking for someone to support you as you became a lifetime student? You sound very shallow as well talking about his seizure like that! Good grief! At 24 you should be a bit more sensitive!! I would expect a 12 year old to react better than that! You are definitely NOT "more mature" than he is by any means. Have you even stopped to consider that he was joking around to cover up his fears about his health? It just might be that HE would be the one who was better off out of this so-called marriage. And don't be so smart-mouthed! He could very well do much better without you - and with someone who was more caring, less selfish, and more true to her marriage vows. You seem to think that, if he is working to support you, then it is his duty, but, if you are the one working, it is unfair and you are nothing more than a caregiver?! Whoa...what a slap to every person who stays at home to manage the home!! You are so childish, it is scary!! Do HIM a favor and leave!! The guy deserves better!

Answer 5

Well, let me start telling you that real love is when you care about someone, when you are willing so make sacrifices for that person no matter what and you don’t ask or expect anything in return.

Now, you said you don’t love him, but you are doing exactly what a person in love would do, and even more, you are afraid to leave him because he wouldn’t make it on his own, so you do care about him too. So there is a big contradiction there.

For a relation to work, love most come from both sides. It is the only way to be happy. Otherwise, it will not work and will end up in trouble, problems, and probably braking up.

There is a key to make a relation work, and that is communication. You both must be honest and let each other know at all times how you feel.

So I would suggest you talk to your husband, explain everything to him, and also let him know at least what are your expectations from the relation. If he cares, he will change and try to come out of the “hole”, otherwise, he won’t, and then you will have to make a decision because you can not let him make your life miserable forever.

It is all up to you. If I were you, I would be honest, explain, and give one more chance. After that, if he doesn’t change, then is over.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Has he been seen by a neurologist for this seizure?
Do you know that he could have been having petti seizures for yrs. & no one noticed the signs. These electical disturbances in the brain can cause a person to act totally different then what they really would act like. Why don't you have him seen by a specialist & he may need medication(s) for the siezure or there could be some other problem(s) in his brain. I mean you married him for some reason & now that he is having medical issues is it fair to just dump him & run. Marriage isn't always fun & easy, believe me I have been married for 24 yrs. & we have had our major ups & downs. I have had some major medical problems & he stuck with me through them, & he has had his & I was always there.

You need counseling, & you both need marraige counseling. Try that after or during him getting to a specialist & then decide what you want to do.

Answer 7

Honest you should ask other people to decide your relationship for you. You are an adult Co- dependent, or dsyfuntional or not all the same you are an adult. Take a few quizes to asses your level of co-dependency. Maybe confront your feelings of lonliness. Ask your self questons like: How am I threatened by the fact that gaps are a natural part of human relations? When do I depend to heavily on others to make me feel contented? What avenues have I left unexplored that would create more favorable conditions for meaningful relations? Am I too quick to give up? Life is a growing process for all of us. We don't stop working on ourselves.

Answer 8

You should have not married him if you did not love him at first.

You are the one who is unhappy, my God have some passion girl!!! You should have not married him if you did not love him, why did you marry???

I am sorry, but now you are married, and if it really bothers you, then get some counseling, I know life is tough, and so is marriage, but now you have to deal with it, it sounds like he has a medical condition and needs someone there to take care of him constantly, and you are bitc***g about it NOW????

Let me tell you something, honey, I have been married for fifteen years, we have been seperated, I have been through He** so many times I lost count, I reconciled with my husband, and now we have been married for fifteen years and have a beautiful 10 year old daughter!!!

I am taking care of my elderly grandmother, God bless her she is 87 and needs round the clock care!!!!! I am managing a house, my daughter, finances and dinner, and worry about everyone else but myself!!!!!

I even have to clean up after my grandmother's "messes" if you know what that means.

And do you hear ME complaining???? NO!!! I am doing this for my grandmother, because it is out of LOVE do you know the meaning of that word, NO!!!!!

My grandmother and my family mean the world to me and I am not complaining about anything, unlike you, I knew who I was marrying, I knew when I was pregnant how to take care of myself, and now I am enjoying the precious time I have with my grandmother before she leaves us and joins my grandfather in heaven.

Just this past week, I have had two relatives die within a week of eachother...................and YOU are complaining of the kind of rotton life you have????

Grow up!!!! Life is tough, we all have our crosses to bear, learn how to deal with it!!!!!

Answer 9

Some of those people are hard on you. Until you've been in somebody's shoe u can't judge them. Talk to ur hubby try counseling if that doesn't work don't walk, run!!! I was in a unhappy marriage and i know what ur going through.

Answer 10

You CHOSE to put yourself into this position, if this isn't where you WANTED to be then you should not have gotten married in the first place. I suggest that IF you do get out of this marriage that you do not enter into any other long term or committed relationships because it is quite obvious that despite your chronogical age you are not mature enough to be in these types of relationships.