why do i not want to admit to myself that I'm gay?

Question

i'm very manly....im 20 yrs old and live in a fraternity house...i wish i could like women...i enjoy staring at them cause i do recognize hott women....but i was always rejected when i was younger by them and now that im late in the game....whenever im making out with them and they want to do more, i never feel comfortable...it feels unatural to me (i usuallyd ont know these women for very long)......but for some reason when im horny i think about guys sometimes.....i guess this should make me gay....but besides when im horny....i could never picture wanting to be with a guy...u know? it kinda makes me sick....i dont know what i can do.....maybe give myself another chance with women seeing i havent had many chances with girls I like and the only ones ive had relationships with are ones who i meet at a party who are all over me? god i dont know! this sucks i wish i had no sexual feelings for guys cuz gay guys usually turn me off (all flambouyant the ones i have met...i know not always

Answer 1

Just as in the sixties the young rebelled against conformity and became hippies, so nowadays it is in vogue to think you are different from the norm. All the rubbish you are constantly bombarded with by the media etc plants the idea in your mind that you should be as well.
Go out and get laid young man....without being crude, just think, everything you can get from being with a man, you can get from a woman...and then some!!!

Answer 2

you can be manly and be gay. You can also be gay, and not like flaming gay guys.

Im gay, i like masculine guys. Im not interested in a flaming queen. Thats ok, its your preference just like some guys like feminine women, or more tom-boy type women, or something inbetween. Its all preference, thats fine.

as to why you cant accept it, sounds like you dont know much about being gay for one. And i dont know if you have any religious hang ups or not .

Be true to yourself, and who you are. Your the one who has to live your life, not someone else. Letting other people dictate what you do is letting them live your life. Try to find your own version of happiness, because in the end its you who is responsible for that. Not all of us have the same ideas of what that is, some think its getting married, some never want to get married, some are bi, some str8, some gay, some travel, some are home bodies....you have to find what makes you you and what makes you happy and be true to that, and dont let others dictate what that is.

Answer 3

I think you need to talk to someone. Since you are in college, there are counselors available to you. I think you have already admitted that you are gay. You just don't feel attracted to a stereotype. Well many of us are not flamboyant and very masculine. One of my good friends is totally hot and was the 1st string quarterback for his college. His partner is also very professional.
What we are talking about is what attracts you. Sounds like your thoughts go to men when your thoughts are sexual. Have you stopped to think about what type of men are in your fantasies. There are so many fit, masculine gay men. Check out the gym. So don't despair, but get comfortable in your own skin

Answer 4

As others have said, I can't really tell if you are gay or not from what you have written. But there is an easy test. Find some porn on the web... what turns you on? guy/girl action? guy/guy action? Really, it's that simple. if the guy/guy turns you on, and the guy/girl leads you to look at the guy... then you're gay. Take your time, seach your soul... don't let others tell you what you are "supposed" to like. Once you find where your attractions truly are will you know... but only you can make that determination.

Answer 5

maybe you are just not comfortable with the fact yet, and you have lived your life this far usde to the fact that you were straight.

whether or not you are, your decison is yours and that is your own personal business.

not all gay people have to be flamboyant just like all single people don't have to be straight acting.

maybe you just have alot of issues that you are dealing with that are sexual or repressed, and it may or not have to do with whether you are gay or not.

maybe you just haven't found the right person straight or gay.
either way, always keep yourself in a comfort zone and occasionally break out of the box and see what happens. it won't hurt either way.

surround yourself with as many different types of people and see who you gravitate towards the most.

Answer 6

hey man, I really can indentify with your situation. 20 yrs old, masculine, college, and same problem for a while...the thing is, i found that if the feelings are there, than you probably are at least bi...its hard to accept, i have trouble with it too, but denying it is going to make it worse...you can't help who you are attracted to

and with the whole femme thing - those are the ones that you "meet" because they make it pretty obvious. I am sure that you know a few bi or gay guys that you just overlook because they don't fit the stereotype

just dont lie to yourself because inevitably, you will have to face the truth sooner or later

good luck

Answer 7

you're either gay or you're not... no amount of "trying out" will change anything about your sexuality... and having bad experiences with women doesn't "make you gay"... I'm not attracted to effeminate or flamboyant guys either... but it doesn't make me less gay.... you need to get over your stereotypes... also... It's the stereotypes that make it hard to picture "being with " a guy... simply because you're not attracted to the effeminate guys and can't picture yourself with one...and because there are no references for you to draw on of two men together, while the world is FLOODED with "traditional" images of men and women together... I can tell you from experience... I thought I would DIE with my "secret" at your age... it took me another ten years to "come out"... after "trying" ... I got married and everything... don't let the same thing happen to you... now... finally... after a divorce...at 38 I have the life that makes me happy every day to wake up... :P

Answer 8

Don't listen to those idiots telling you you're gay cause you're not, at least from what you say. You were unlucky with women until now (maybe you should learn some good techniques and understand women better - yeah, difficult, I know - so you can get the ones you really like) and that's what gets you somewhat confused - your history. I could even think you're bisexual or something but I don't even think you are. Really, I think you're just confused. Now, let me tell you something else that may be of some importance... Everyone has fantasies and fantasies just aren't real, they're from a whole other dimension. Yours is guys and only you can tell what led you to that. But fantasies aren't harmful unless you make them be. Just keep quiet and don't tell anyone, they belong to you, only to you, you don't have to tell anyone something that could easily be musinderstood. Learn to live with your fantasies and find your way with women in the real world. They will drive you nuts often but that's just the way they are and I doubt guys don't drive girls crazy either... Anyway, you're still young and you have your whole life ahead. You will probably calm down and find the woman that's right for you and that will feel great! Good news, isn't it?

EDIT: Three thumbs down, eh? What else would you expect in this section? For your information, I know exactly what I'm saying, leave the kid alone!

EDIT 2: Five thumbs down, wowee!!!! For giving good advice!!! For not wanting someone to make a bad choice that will bring him a lot of problems when there's no need!!!! Do you know why you gays make me sick? Not because of your sexual orientation, I couldn't care less, but because you're so self-centered you believe that everyone else is a gay in the closet and in times like this you try to make a confused youngster turn gay just like you! You simply have no morals! But let the guy judge... If he's wise he'll know where the truth is.

Answer 9

I think you're not gay though part of you wishes it were, as that might lead to something a little more satisfying, though your conscience says otherwise. as for girls, you hold a longtime resentment to them and you've distanced yourself from them. don't let yourself get involved in intimate relationships so quickly. seek out romance, someone who you can trust and let get close to you. then see where it goes. but don't let failure or breakups deter you. that happens to us all, both gay and straight.

truly, you have mixed feelings, but you are honest with yourself to admit that gays are not appealing. relax and don't wrry about your sexuality. just take everything slowly and everything should sort itself out in the end. and besides, if after a a while you still can't overcome this confusion, then just seek out professional counseling. but the last place you want to come to is the gay community, as we are anything but unbiased.

I am a tg, which means I was born a boy but meant to be a girl, and I favour gays. however, I am honest enough not to let my personal feelings get in the way of my judgement. but I cannot speak for the rest of the community.



-Lady Argiope

Answer 10

I don't think frat parties are going to be the best place to explore these issues, as you seem to realize.

You could be bi, or you could feel compelled to like women and not want sex with men due to society's constraints. The brainwashing is often difficult to overcome.

Just cause you don't like nellies doesn't mean you are not gay, though you seem to realize this as well.

As one poster says, lots of sould-searching is needed here, and as another says, you could score a touchdown where you least expect! :-)