At that time, we were separated, since he was cheating on me with several women. He asked to come back home. I did under the agreement that we'll work things out. I gave him each month money for the mortgage payment, then he asked his parent for some money. He asked me for some money too, for a bussiness trip. I agreed and told him then, to considered it an advance for next month's mortgage payment. He left and for more than 2 months I didn't know his whereabouts.I went into deppresion, but forced myself to keep going...Then, I found out, early Sep, than the house was on foreclosure. I must move out around 22 of this month. That day would be our 14th anniversary. Early, this month, me and my little daugher went to the beach, and I made a promise to myself, that I'll forget him, never look back and move on. It was so emotional...Now, I'm looking for a new place, and out of the blue, I got an offline IM from him, that he wants to talk. Am I right to not want to?
2007-10-11 06:47:19 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't feel actually is anything more to talk to. He left me for other woman, he's out of the country. Divorce is still in progress. In any case, I just tell him that the house is gone, his car reposessed. I'm gonna drop his personal things at his parents. I just want to move on. Please, give your toughts about this situation.
2007-10-11 06:50:15 · update #1
He probably wants to try and milk some more $$ out of you honey. Cut your losses.
I'm so sorry you are going through this--I have an ex-husband horror story too that I'm sure it wouldn't really help you to hear.
What will help is for you to move on and make the best of things for yours & your kid's sake. Do what you can to get the finances stable and get on your feet with job, etc. Look for support from your family and friends in the meantime, but do the best you can to get financially independent, so that even if you can't count on him for child support, you can still make it. Turn to your faith for strength and wisdom--I know that some churches still put stigma on divorce, but in your circumstances it is understandable and forgiveable.
I took a wonderful Christian divorce recovery workshop that was available in my area--most communities have them and they are wonderful for providing support. If you can afford it (or can find/qualify for free services) get some counseling for yourself and your daughter. If he really wants to come back, and you really think he might be sincere, make participating with you in this counseling one of the first conditions he has to meet before you would consider it.
If he is you describe, unfortunately, he probably won't change, and you are much better off without him. Unless and until you see evidence that he is really remorseful for what he has done and willing to do anything to save the marriage, don't trust him.
2007-10-11 08:11:18 · answer #1 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sue him for the house you lost and the business trip money. Sorry but he doesn't care about you guys if he did he would have been there and wouldn't have let them foreclose on the house. He is using you. Dont talk to him ! He knows your weakness and he WILL use it against you. Have your lawyer connect him! Do what is best for your daughter! I know not having two parents is not the greatest but if the man is selfish and a cheating bastard he doesn't have the right to be a parent. He didn't only cheat on you! He cheated on your child too! He cheated your child out of the future she could of had of a stable home as a family with him! Get mad! Get mad and be smart!
To your additional detail. Dont drop his stuff off. Let someone pick it up. Your doing everything for him. If he doesnt pick up his stuff just leave it behind like he left you behind. Your getting a divorce stop babying him and being so NICE. He doesn't love you. Sorry if what I say hurts but a man in love does not sleep with other woman and lets them lose thier house ! On top of that disappear with who to god knows where.
2007-10-11 06:51:03 · answer #2 · answered by What Up! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with everyone, DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM!!!!
The only thing I would add is to contact your mortgage company and explain the situation and that you would like to find a way to keep the house. It is beneficial for both the mortgage co and you if you can work out an agreement. If you made your payments prior to this, then they may be willing to work with you.
2007-10-11 07:13:03 · answer #3 · answered by LAL 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in a situation kida like yours. I left my husband because of his drinking,cheating and the list goes on. I didn't want my daughters to go through that anymore. I left him 9 months ago so he could get better. We agreed that we were not going to get a divorce. I guess he didn't want us anymore becuase he ended up moving in with a girl(without even telling me)and now she is 6 months pregnant. It hurts so much because I was doing everything right as a wife and this is the thanks I get. He has never asked me back because I think he knows there is no chance in Hell I would ever take him back(or maybe he never wanted me back)I hurt still cause he is living it up with this new girl while I take care of his two daughters.
My point is,YOU are better without him. My life has been so hard since I found all this out about my husband but at the same time I know I don't want a drunk as a husband. My life is better in so many ways without him. I know one day when the time is right I will find someone that will respect me and love me for me. You don't need him. I still can't get over the way he has screwed me over but I know it will be ok. I am glad I left him and never have to deal with his drinking again. You might not be able to forget about him so soon but time will take care of that. I thought I could never live without my husband but look at me now.(Yes I am 27 back at home but I proved to myself that I am a strong woman without him) One day I will be on my own and that day will be one of the best days of my life. Good luck sweetie and if you want to talk you can email me anytime. I feel your pain!
2007-10-11 07:11:04 · answer #4 · answered by lvbrdy4vr 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wen't through a simular experience only I was the guy being cheated on. As a victim you need to realize that is how hes going to continue to treat you like. No ones perfect, but this guy needs some work. Get the counseling for yourself and your daughter if shes old enough to use it. It will help you cope. It did in my case. I wish you the best of luck.
Here's a good music video describing the break up experience. It gave me power. Hope you like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm0T7_SGee4
2007-10-11 06:53:34 · answer #5 · answered by breadmayker 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are doing the right thing in getting the divorce. you were hoping to make it work the first time he left and he showed that he didn't care about you by leaving and the only reason he wants to talk to you now is to see if you are willing to take him back and let him continue to get money from you in order to not be tied down by you. I suspect that even though you want to get counseling he will not agree to that, so you are better off without him because you can't find the person who will be as good to you, and for you, as you were to this jerk for the 14 years until you get rid of him.
2007-10-11 07:01:02 · answer #6 · answered by Al B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi there I just want to say my dad did the same thing to my mom and now he is living high on the hog with his gf and her son, I will not tell you that I can understand your pain and how sad you are because we all are different and we grieve differently and you do not know me but I do want to say things will get better and you need to stay strong for you little girl and stick to your guns on this one. Do not talk with him it is his loss not yours and your gain actually.he had his chance to talk with you months ago he lost his chance. I 'm sorry if i sound harsh but I have seen a guy that sound like this and I call him my dad.Anyways please understand that you are not alone on this, and if you ever need someone to talk with just let me know you can e mail since I do not have im yet.Also keep in mind that the courts usually do not like cheaters and with this you will get alimony or spousal payments and child support too. Best of luck and again feel free to e mail me darlin.
2007-10-11 07:07:49 · answer #7 · answered by kutiepye28 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely JUSTIFIED in NOT listening to more lies.
WHO drops off the face of the Earth, and lets his wife and kid go into "foreclosure" on the home if he CARES about them?
I wouldn't give him the time of day. You've already taken your steps forwards towards a better life where you will be LOVED and APPRECIATED. I wouldn't take 10 steps back for this loser, but that's just me. You still have to follow YOUR heart.
If you even CONSIDER taking him back,though, you need to make him prove himself and walk a very tight rope for a very long time. Personally, I think you're better off heading the same direction you've BEEN heading. Good luck to you, and be strong for your daughter.
2007-10-11 06:51:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes I think you are right for not wanting to talk with him.
It seems he is playing games with you. He is not ready for a commitment, and these "business trips" are more than likely an excuse for him to continue cheating.
You deserve better than that, and if I were you, I would move on. Don't even talk to him at all, leave him in your dust. Don't even blink an eye.
As long as you feel he would never do anything violent, then just move on as soon as possible.
2007-10-11 06:49:55 · answer #9 · answered by Lord of Chaos 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have all the right in the world. Be strong and never let him into your life. He did those things to you once, he will again. Take care about your kid, and I am sure you are able to get out of this situation. Arrange yourself, change your look, do not let anybody to see you are upset, obviously your kid. Us, women, are very strong. Remember this every second of your life. I have passed through this two years ago and I am good right now.
2007-10-11 07:04:46 · answer #10 · answered by lore n 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋