We have been together for a year and I found out I had two teens a few months ago. I have been lying telling her I'm going to come and visit her and never showing up for about a month. I never called and let her know I wasn't coming and I never answered the phone when she called because my kids don't want me talking to her. She wanted to meet the kids but the kids didn't want to meet her. She says she is hurt I kept breaking promises to come see her and I need to learn to balance my time or I will never have a girlfriend. I never came to see her because the kids never wanted to go back home when I picked them up and I always stood my girlfriend up to make them happy. I think she is selfish and thinks so stupid because she says her feelings are hurt that I stand her up and don't call her. She won't talk to me now. Is she wrong or am I wrong?
2007-10-11 06:39:55 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
you are very, VERY wrong. how could she not be hurt by your actions. if i were her, i would have told you where to go a long time ago and even showed you the door. you just admitted that you've done nothing but lie to her and stand her up. she hasn't been understanding, she's been a doormat. i hope she finds someone who will treat her better than you and i hope you get your act togehter for the next girl
2007-10-11 06:46:12 · answer #1 · answered by Heather Honey 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Your wrong, I know it's not what you wanted to hear. However here's the thing, spending time with your kids that you are trying to make up for so much lost time is understandable. But letting them make your decision's for you to stand this girl up and not call is wrong and teaching them that they can be selfish. If you make a promise KEEP IT!! You could have avoided so much mess by simply saying "This is going to be hard for a while but I want to get to know my kids and spend time with them, so the weekends are off limits if you can't take that type of relationship then I am sorry but my kids are most important especially right now" Also not just her but any girl, unless you have a ring on this person's finger there is no reason for your children to meet your girlfriend/s because they will become attached to someone that isn't permanent and then when you two break it off they will be left wondering why that person left. As for the correct ex-girlfriend if she left you because you blew her off too much your the bad boyfriend that lied to her you can't get mad at her for being upset about that, if she left you because she can't be part of your kids lives then she's being selfish.
2007-10-11 06:47:40 · answer #2 · answered by Jenna24 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
No, she isn't selfish. She just expects common courtesy that anyone would expect.
Why couldn't you just phone her and say, sorry I can't meet you?
If you lie to someone you're dating or seeing then you may as well end it. Nothing can come of it.
I think you need to let her go and to focus on building a relationship with your children. You are trying to please your children, who need you and have pretty much given up on cultivating any sort of relationship with your girlfriend.
I don't think it is selfish to expect someone to show up when they say they are going to be somewhere.
What if you were in her shoes? She tells you she will meet you then doesn't show up for a month and then continues to stand you up and not give you the courtesy of phoning you.
How would you feel?
You are looking at this from a competitive angle when that doesn't matter either way.
You can't compete with your girlfriends - only love them or extend your feelings to them. Anything else is serving a need that can be met on it's own.
It has run it's course and you need to give yourself time to develop understanding of your own needs and how they relate to the needs of anyone you may date or have a relationship with.
2007-10-11 07:45:49 · answer #3 · answered by The Oracle 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't see where SHE is selfish. You admit you have been lying to her. She is a normal woman who wants to know she is important to you. How would you react if you had a date with her and she simply did not show up?
At this point, although you just found your teens, they need to understand there are limits to their behavior. They do not have the authority to determine your relationships unless you let them. If the kids don't want to meet her simply tell them its adult time for you. It might do them well to see a good relationship between a man and a woman.
2007-10-11 06:48:55 · answer #4 · answered by professorc 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Whether you deserved what you got or not, you did get what you worked for.
You, selfishly, let your children run your life to meet their selfish ends. Well, you got two out of three things the way you wanted them, so what's the complaint?
Instead of being a real person with a real relationship, you lied, woosed out and treated your girlfreind pretty off handed. Unfortunately, she didn't feel like being treated like that. You put her exactly in her proper place in your life by way of your actions, the only thing that counts.
Why is she being stupid?
I'm sure you kids are happy with the arrangements, at least until they get tired of you moping and snivelling about your 'lost' love. Don't lose heart though, you will eventually find someone THEY like whether you like them much or not. Of course, if they don't like you dating, you can earn their approval by not dating. It will also save you alll the trouble of defining yourself as an adult and acting in that way.
2007-10-11 06:59:51 · answer #5 · answered by Seamless_1 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are in the wrong. She isn't being selfish. You've been lying to her and leading her on. Why don't your kids want you talking to her? They're the selfish ones, and you're encouraging them to keep acting that way. You don't deserve to have a relationship until you can learn to split your time so that everyone's happy.
2007-10-11 06:52:24 · answer #6 · answered by loshea65 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you were wrong. If you love her you should have made a compromise. Women hate being lied to and they hate to be stood up. You totally ignored her on top of all of that. That's rude, and very childish. You just found out that you had children? and now because of this you dont have time for the woman that you love? Grow up sweetie.
2007-10-11 06:47:18 · answer #7 · answered by dirttrackgirl_77 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If she stood you up for a month straight would you understand? No. You lied to her then stood her up... you'll be lucky if you get back together.
Why are you letting your kids control you like that? You are the parent. Unless she is giving you drugs and your kids are just looking out for you, then you need to put you foot down. If you let them walk all over you now then they will have false hopes of how their boss will treat them.
2007-10-11 06:55:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are wrong, because if you loved her as much as you say you do then you wouldn't be standing her up. I think you should balance your time, and even if the kids dont want to meet her you should explain to themthat they can't run your life and who you date...you have a right to be happy too. I think they should give her a chance....and I don't think you shouldn't talk to her just because your kids dont want you too, and of your not going to go and see her dint tell her you will. You are trying to please everyone else and not yourself.....but no I dont think she is thinking selfishly every body wants to be a part of someone elses life....you just need to decide what you really want
2007-10-11 06:49:58 · answer #9 · answered by anna s 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
you're incorrect. how are you able to assume to maintain a female buddy in case you bypass a month without seeing or chatting along with her. your babies are childrens, they in all possibility decide for boyfriends and girlfriends of their own so which you should end coddling them. it rather is hard to handle those situations even yet it rather is by no potential appropriate to easily lie and stand somebody up. She appeared like she grow to be prepared to talk issues over with you and you will have been extra expertise of her emotions too.
2016-12-29 05:00:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋