Tomorrow is my daughter's 4th birthday and I want it to go over well. Although I have to work, I am sending in party favors and cupcakes for her daycare class to celebrate with and then I am taking her out to dinner with my family to celebrate. My ex-husband wants to either stop by my home before I go out to dinner and give her the gifts he bought her or stop by where we are having dinner to do it but I really don't want to see him. I know it is selfish but already this week he never showed up to pick her up at our meeting spot (claimed to have but that was about a half an hour after I was to be at work) and then when he eventually called never even offered to come pick her up ( I ended up taking the day off to spend with her bc I didn't want her to be dropped off at daycare after thinking she was spending the day with him so I spent it with her) and also bc it is very awkward bc well he will most likely be stopping by with his gf who I have found out he is cheating on...
2007-10-11 06:25:09 · 8 answers · asked by serenity113001 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
which would be the same reasoning that we were divorced...and I just feel awkward knowing that (I have no intentions of saying anything but I am not happy knowing)...My bf doesn't want him in our house and I just don't know what to do..I would prefer if he just took our daughter for a few hours maybe on Saturday instead of being around us...so she can see him without involving us with him...What do you think I should do? I just want to do what is right w/o stepping on anyones toes...
2007-10-11 06:28:34 · update #1
I hate to say it but he probably will just be a no show again. I wouldn't tell him it's OK to come by the house, bc if he keeps up the way he's been acting, most likely you'll end up waiting and being late for the plans that you've already made. I would tell him that if he wants to see her and give her the gifts, he should be at the restaurant between such and such time. Tell him in advance, that you won't be waiting around on him to show, but that's when you'll be there if he'd like to be a DAD and do what he's supposed to. This way you will also have your family for support, and most likely you'll be able to stay calm in front of your daughter. Also tell him in advance that if he's not going to come on time, don't bother calling and asking you to wait on him, bc it's not going to happen. That it's your daughter's day. I wouldn't even tell your daughter that he is going to come, even if he swears, so this way she won't be heartbroken again. As far as him cheating on his girlfriend, if she can't already see what a low life he is by not doing right by his daughter, well then..... she's just a little slow. He's her problem now, not yours... (at least in that way.) If she seems to be nice though and you don't have a problem with her, pull her to the side and share the info.
2007-10-11 06:36:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi...
happy birthday to your daughter!
i'm sure it's a disappointment when your ex doesn't come and get your daughter. and i can understand your unwillingness to see him, because it causes awkward feelings.
sometimes we have to consider our child's feelings, and suck it up. after all, it's not the child's fault we picked a crappy father -- it was, at one time, our choice to be with the ex, so denying your child the opportunity to see him is a little selfish when we think about it. believe me, i'm NOT putting you down -- i have been in the same situation, and finally decided to put myself in my child's shoes... so i did it for the child.
your boyfriend has rights to his feelings, but he also needs to accept the fact that you came into his life with a child who has a father. the boyfriend really needs to respect the child's needs, too. So if your ex has to stop by there for a few minutes, then he does, i guess... (as long as i was sure he would not cause an argument, fight or some other outrageous behaviors, then i'd just try to go with the flow).
as for your ex's girlfriend, who cares if he's cheating on her? it's not your problem and her choice to date him. she has nothing to do with you and it should not be a concern for you. l
sometimes we have to accept the fact that we are divorced, and even though we have no desire to see the ex, or his friends, sometimes it's necessary for the emotional welfare of the child.
that's my two cents.
2007-10-11 06:38:37 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol i would personally do it at dinner that way there are people around and things wont get out of hand if he even stops by which he probably wont and then you can use the dinner to make it short which is convenient as for the g/f i wouldnt worry while shes there he will be distracted and unless he has sunday visitation there wouldnt be a snow balls chance in the oven it is his responsibility to be prompt when it comes to picking her up you can use that in court against him pretty easily with the ace being that you missed work because of his failure to take properly schedule visitation if done right you may be able to get his visitation revoked in time if he keeps acting this way cya
2007-10-11 06:38:22 · answer #3 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to remove yourself from this equation and think about your daughter. if you don't want him at the house, then let him meet you at the restaurant. make it clear that you don't want him to stay for dinner, but he has a right to spend time with her (if he shows up). i wouldn't tell your daughter about it, just in case he doesn't show. that way, if he does, it'll be a surprise. but, in all honesty, it's not fair of you to tell him he can't see her on her birthday.
and the girlfriend thing, just stay out of it. most likely, she won't believe you anyway.
2007-10-11 06:38:02 · answer #4 · answered by hh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is only 4 and you will have to deal with this for at least another 14 years before she goes away to college or whatever.Talk to your boyfriend.If your ex already knows where you live then maybe you can stand him and his girlfriend as long as your boyfriend is standing beside you.It's all for your child.Good luck.
2007-10-11 06:38:40 · answer #5 · answered by notagain49 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suck it up and have him stop by before you go to dinner. Your daughter is only 4 and you two are going to have to be in the same room at the same time for years to come, when it comes to your daughter.
You are doing this for her, not yourself. She needs to see her father. It is very important even though you don't like him.
2007-10-11 06:30:11 · answer #6 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since he missed picking her up earlier - He should work around your schedule now. If it's going to cause too many problems with him seeing her tomorrow. I would ask him if he could please give her the presents, etc. on Sat. Remind him that he missed his scheduled time and you need him to work around you and what is best for your daughter's schedule.
2007-10-11 06:33:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be an adult about this....it is her birthday and she deserves to see her father....I understand that you don't want to see him....but you need to think about your daughter and put your feelings aside....
I think having him take her Saturday would be a good idea!!
Guess you didn't like my answer....well ok....just my opinon
2007-10-11 06:29:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋