My boyfriend and I have dated for over 5 years now. We started dating in high school and dated through college. I graduated this past May and he graduates this December. We did kind of live together; we shared a four bedroom house for three years with other roommates but had separate bedrooms in college. Since graduation I have gotten a job and am living by myself. We did great sharing a house together and worked through a lot of big issues (money in particular). I wanted to live on my own for myself; something I never wanted to look back on and say I didn't do.
We've now hit a crossroads; do we move in together once he gets a job this January? Do we get engaged first? Is 23 too young to be engaged? Should we just keep living separate for another year or so? We both always wanted to get married at 25, but its starting to feel like we're being absurd discounting getting married at 24 for the sake of being married at 25. Any advice? Thank you all for any help you can give!
2007-10-11 06:00:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to follow up with ZCT: It's not that we had big issues as in problems, I meant that we worked through a lot of things that people have trouble with when the move in together. ie Groceries, bills, money, housekeeping (he likes to do dishes -which I hate-, but I'm fine with cleaning the bathroom -which he hates). I just meant to say that sharing a house allowed us to get through those initial problems that most couples have when they first live together with the buffer of two other roommates and our own rooms. :-)
Thank you all so much for the advice by the way!!! I really really appreciate it.
2007-10-11 06:25:30 · update #1
it sounds like you 2 are more prepared for marriage than a lot of people who enter into it no matter what age.
Obviously marriages are a lot of work and some fail, but if you love each other and are going to get married at 25 anyway, then there isnt much of a reason not to at 24.
I am not one of those, "get married if you love him" type of people, but in your case, you have already lived together (provided not in the same room, but same house), you have been dating for several years, you are graduated from college, if you love him, I say go for it. if it doesnt work out there is always divorce.
2007-10-11 06:06:21 · answer #1 · answered by Mo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of different issues here.
First of all the age is not too young as long as you both are mature enough and stable enough in your own beliefs to know what you are doing is right. Marriage is a serious step to take and one that does not always end perfectly.
Don't feel pressured to do anything you are not ready to do, but if it feels right then get engaged and move in together. A lot of parents and older relatives would probably rather that you at least be engaged before moving in together.
Wait a year to get married after living together. It is a time when you will learn a lot about your prospective partner that you would not learn if you lived apart.
Best of Luck!
2007-10-11 06:07:24 · answer #2 · answered by Sarah K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you feel is right for YOU and in your situation.
There is not set age for marriage, engagement, or living together. but there are a lot of things to consider, and i'm sure you know how you feel about this... based on your own personal feelings and beliefs, make the decision which is in your best interest.
If you want to live in your own place for another year, then do it... otherwise, move...
At your age, and since you've been to college and are now working as a mature adult, i think you have the ability to make a sound decision.
Talk about it with the boyfriend, weigh the odds and see what you come up with! take care too.
2007-10-11 06:11:45 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is about maturity and love. If you feel that you guys are ready take that step. Some people aren't mature enough at 50 to be married. The saying age is nothing but a number is sooooooooooo true. It sounds like you guys have got it worked out. You have the education, dealt with the money issues, lived together. Yes it's time to get married.
2007-10-11 06:08:44 · answer #4 · answered by specialsuber 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of what anyone says, you HAVE TO MOVE IN TOGETHER!
The only way you are ever going to know someone is to live with them for at least a year. It is pretty concerning that you had a 'lot of big issues' when you did live together briefly. Having a ring on your finger is not going to make those issues magically go away.
So you need to discover what it is like to live with him on a more permanent basis. Then you will know truly if you are with the right man.
The idea of waiting and remaining apart for another year is absurd. That's spending another year not really getting to know him any better.
Life is finite. There are some prime years for getting together with someone, and you are in them. But you really only have ten years of prime dating years left. So why waste a year not learning anything new about him?
In the new year I think you should find a place together and move in. Then see where it goes from there. In a year if things have gone very well, time to go ring shopping. Or wait another year, if you want to. I mean seriously, why the rush to get married anyway? Marriage does not magically make people faithful, better in bed, resolve arguments and issues, or offer any kind of guarantee of anything. But you do get a tax break!
2007-10-11 06:04:41 · answer #5 · answered by ZCT 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I was married at 22 engaged at 21, its all what your ready for. Marriage is tough but you could be in good shape. You've lived together and you have had a long relationship, just remember this isnt dating and you have your whole life in front of you you are joining this person with you for that whole time.
2007-10-11 06:10:14 · answer #6 · answered by sarah W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It has to do more with maturity than age. Some couples at that age are mentally mature and ready to meet the responsibilities that go along with marriage. You have to assess your relationship in the present, then talk about your goals and expectations to see if your relationship can survive the future. Married or not, any successful relationship takes work...and compromise.
2007-10-11 06:04:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You guys have been together for a while and i personally dont think it matters how old you are.If you guys love eachother and are both ready to get married then go for it. Age doesnt matter it depends on how you two feel abot the situation but i say go for it. Good Luck!!!
2007-10-11 06:07:15 · answer #8 · answered by Lemon85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not to young to get engaged or married. Their is no perfect age. Only you know if you are really ready for either.
2007-10-11 06:07:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not to young to get married/engaged... and if you guys want to live with eachother after you guys are engaged that is you two's choice.
2007-10-11 06:04:41 · answer #10 · answered by Yoliness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋