My husband and I have been married for 5 years. No kids involved. After the first year of marriage, he started to act weird, avoiding sex with me, always with a headache or complaining about pain. We always talk about this subject and he says he just don't enjoy having sex. He said it was like that with his ex-girlfriends too. He gets all mad when we talk about it, sometimes being rude and showing dangerous behavior. In the other hand, he is my best friend, supportive and loving husband. I am lost :( Please help.
2007-10-11 05:55:33 · 23 answers · asked by LLN Babe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should seek couples counseling and he should see a therapist about his lack of desire. He has to understand your needs even if he does not have them himself.
2007-10-11 06:02:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
It's a control issue. HE controls when and IF you get to have sex. If you pay attention, he's probably very controlling in other areas too. They tend to want to control others in their lives too.
It could be a medical issue, but if he gets mad when you talk about it, I doubt it's medical. It's all about control. All you can do is keep living this vicious circle, or get out of it yourself.
I know it's really hard, but he's made it clear to you that he's BEEN like this even before you. It's interesting how he switched things around on you after the marriage. It's as if he had to "catch you and let you get comfortable" with him, really fall for him, before he showed his true colors, and that's unfortunate for you. You ARE in control of your own destiny, though, and if you're not happy, maybe you should consider changing things for yourself, since HE Is unwilling. Good luck, and I'm really sorry you have to go through this. Been there, done that.
I have to add, though, that cheating is not a good option.
It hurts not only the spouse, but YOURSELF. You lose your honor and self dignity, and personally, it's not worth NOT being able to sleep with yourself at night.
Do the right thing. Get out if you have to.
2007-10-11 13:18:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to move on and get out of the marriage all together. Your marital need are not being met so why should you suffer. He may be better at just being a best friend outside the marriage. He may have some other issues, another woman or a man. Something is definitely wrong. Never go outside of your marriage, fighting fire with fire will get you burnt everytime. There is a issue there that needs to be understood.
2007-10-11 13:12:36 · answer #3 · answered by Thunder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't cheat get a divorce how would you feel if he was cheatting on you? Maybe he hasn't come out of the closet yet and hes afraid of what you and the world would thank of him??Either way talk to him tell him if something doesn't change then you have no choice but to leave him or tell him he gives it up or you ll find someone who will??
2007-10-11 13:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by slyrosee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you wish to stay in this marriage, seek some counseling.... and insist after a session or two that he go too. If you are satisfied, stay... If you think things are better elsewhere, file, and leave. But don't cheat.... that's a betrayal, hon, and not fair, just not. You don't need to keep someone as the jerk in reserve while you screw around. He may be a best friend, but your marriage is hurting.....Would you wish to be cheated on????
2007-10-11 13:02:35 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't cheat because, one you're still married and that's wrong, and two, if it does end in divorce, you won't get anything. Maybe you should try some counseling or even going to a medical doctor with him before going to extremes. Good luck.
2007-10-11 13:09:06 · answer #6 · answered by AutumnFae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't cheat - if your husband is the good man you say he is, you will regret this and could destroy your marriage.
Try counseling first (before divorce). Besides the sex, it seems as if he is a good man. Maybe there is something in his past that is preventing him from being intimate with you.
2007-10-11 13:04:42 · answer #7 · answered by Wayner 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he always disliked sex? As a woman, I would consider it extremely misleading if my man led me to believe he was going to be my sexual partner, then refused. Tell him to get to the doctor. If he doesn't go, you should think about moving on. If he was your best friend, he would be concerned with the lack of affection and your happiness. There is also the possibility that he is gay or having an affair...
2007-10-11 13:03:14 · answer #8 · answered by Really now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband how important it is to you. Talk to him and ask him what he wants you to do. If he shows dangerous behavior to you. Dump him. There are lots of better fish in the pond. If he is such a good friend he will understand.
2007-10-11 13:04:10 · answer #9 · answered by iceman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is rough...if sex is important to you, and it is to most people, be his friend and file for divorce BEFORE you cheat. You'll feel better. He'll feel less badly and the person you choose to have intimacy with will feel you're more available and honest and open with him.
2007-10-11 13:02:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont fall to those standards, even though he probaly already did. You still have your dignity as a women, you want to keep that. Just divorce him and let him know how you feel and let him know that you could ve cheated if you wanted to but you decided that your the other adult when he wasnt.
2007-10-11 13:22:13 · answer #11 · answered by Carlos de La Vega 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋