put up with in my relationship.
been married over 4 yrs, together over 5. Things were great in the beginning but have deteriated over time. I feel no support, get no support either emotional, mental or physical (financial)
I more than "earn my keep" around the house as I do everything here, I am the housekeeper, laundress, gardener, cook, secretary, security guard and organizer of his life. In return I get a roof over my head, thrift store clothes and money to buy groceries so I can cook dinner for him every night. I am left alone all day, cannot afford to go anywhere as I get no money to spend on myself. I dont have friends, the ones I had before I got married are afraid to come down to where I live now (city with crime). I am studying for a degree now and hope that I can get work after I am done. The husband ignores me for the most part, unless he needs me to do something for him and that is depressing. I feel used, abused and taken advantage of. Problem? I still love him!
2007-10-11 05:53:14 · 10 answers · asked by flyingdove 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know in my heart that this isnt working and probably should leave. I really do want this to work and pray every day that something changes, that he will realize how good he has it with me and just love me and treat me like he used to do when we first dated and the first yr we were married.
What should I do? really need good advice please.
2007-10-11 05:55:29 · update #1
You say you hope something changes - but the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Get out - move somewhere and finish your schooling. How can you love someone that is just using you?
2007-10-11 05:59:42 · answer #1 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to tell you this straight up. I was in this same exact situation. Minus the getting married part, because I'm no sucker. Sorry. Look at Gene Simmons, but that's not why we are here. We had a perfect relationship. I mean we totally fought over stupid ****, but it was we got along fine most of the time. Then after years of being loving and supportive, the person turned into your typical witch. Nothing was ever good enough for her. It didn't matter what I did or what kind of hoops I jumped thru. It basically came down to outside influences of those who live in a fantasy world that couldn't keep a relationship four months let alone four years.
So needless to say I was tired of hearing how I wasn't fun or didn't go out. Most of the crap was the lack of the other person not wanting to do anything or suggesting we do something she wanted to do. As great as I am, I am no mind reader.
Basically we get to the heart of the matter. Communication. A relationship is all about communication. If the other person doesn't let you know what is on their mind or if that person doesn't want to let you in, you're not going to get in no matter what you do. Just give it up. Move on. There is someone out there for everyone. Being in a dying relationship is very overrated.
I am sure there is someone else out there who will treat you as you should be treated. Why waste your time with someone who doesn't care about you? Is it for apperance sake? I've been there, done that.
So you got married after only knowing this person a year or whatever? Next time wait a little bit longer. Putting a ring on someone is very overrated.
2007-10-11 13:02:29 · answer #2 · answered by Scarecrow 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nah, you don't love him. You love a long gone image of your relationship, and as you have admitted, that has changed.
Finish your degree, get a great job, and follow these rules my mom hammered into my head beginning at age l3
1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart.
2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to
3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!!
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.
There is nothing the matter with accepting the fact that you made a mistake in this marriage. Just don't have any children by this guy yet. Sweetie, these four little rules saved my A($$$$) more times than I can ever, ever count. My mom could be a witch, but she was no dummy.
2007-10-11 12:59:17 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi... if you are having these issues, let your husband know you love him first and foremost.. tell him you need to talk. Let him know
I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I need support.
I need to feel loved
I feel neglected.
I feel i have too much responsibility in this relationship and would ask if you'd make an effort to help me with things like finances, and share responsiblities in general.
I would like to spend more time together.
I am lonely, and feel as if i'm being taken advantage of.
I feel our marriage needs help.
You don't have to be argumentative or defensive. Telling him how you feel is your right and he needs to know anyway!
Maybe he will make an effort... this is the only way to find out. Maybe you two can go to counseling if you feel there is anything left to salvage. Let him know about your concerns and feelings.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time... taking care of YOU and talking things through is a start..... this way, you can make your decision based on what he's willing to do (or not).
hugs
2007-10-11 13:03:59 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As you know marriage is hard. (the hardest job I have ever had) But you are right not to run. Talk to him, try counseling(if he is willing) If he isn't willing to try and fix the problem or he dosen't realize that there is a problem. Then it's time to leave. Time to look out for yourself. You deserve to be treated like a human. Don't let him beat you down. Emotionally.Finish school and then leave if that will help. But if he is abusive (mentally or emotionally or physical) he will make it hard to better yourself. Do you have children, if so take that into consideration? You can make it but it will be hard. Keep in touch and lwt us know how it works out. Email me.
2007-10-11 13:03:26 · answer #5 · answered by specialsuber 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your degree, get a job and get out.
Once you're out of the situation, maybe he will be more willing to do whatever it takes to get you back. Sometimes there has to be a "wake-up call". If you still love him, then you can still work on this marriage, but it sounds like the only time he pays attention is when he has to work for it.
Then again, once you're working and are independent you may also re-evaluate what you really want and maybe he won't be that anymore. Once you get out on your own, you'll be better prepared to decide.
2007-10-11 13:05:27 · answer #6 · answered by LAL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seriously need to talk.
Your problem will not naturally disappear unless you talk to each other.
I do hope you go out and work and have social life when you are done studying.
2007-10-11 13:00:14 · answer #7 · answered by T M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's taking full advantage of you. You need to learn how to stand up for yourself and put a stop to that. If he has a problem with that, boot him out.
2007-10-11 13:03:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
REALLY-WHAT IS IT THAT YOU LOVE? jUST THE MEMORY OF WHAT USED TO BE? PROBABLY. THIS MAN HAS TAKEN YOU COMPLETELY FOR GRANTED AND DOESN'T KNOW YOU EXIST. STAY, GET YOUR DEGEE AND LEAVE HIM. HE USES YOU WITH NO GUILT. BELIEVE ME YOUR LIFE WILL BE MORE FULFILLING AND HAPPY WITHOUT HIM
2007-10-11 13:37:14 · answer #9 · answered by tammy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you are going to school, have no kids, can't bothered to get a job, and he's taking advantage of you?
Yeah, ok.
2007-10-11 12:58:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋