She left and is now living at her 18 year old fiance's parents house. These parents let her stay at their house with their 17 year old high school kid overnight and buys him alcohol. He also has an arrest record and wanted to be a police officer but was dropped from the police academy when they found out he had an arrest record. Neither her or her fiance have a job that could support them but they are getting married anyway and he is going to join the military to support them.
She says she doesn't need her parents anymore and hasn't included us at all in any wedding plans and had me drop her from all insurance and even decided she didn't need scholarship money that she would have gotten from my work... "I will go to school free once I am married and my husband is in the military as a enlisted man" "We need ot get married because I had an auto accident and we realized I need insurance"
Since when is it ok to let your kids shack up with the opposite sex in your house?
2007-10-11 05:27:19 · 18 answers · asked by frogman_007_2000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well...she is 18 years old which legally makes her an adult. Whether she acts like one or not is her choice. You raised her to the best ability you could. Let her go.
She sounds like she has it all worked out, but you and I as well as most mature adults on here know that what she thinks she has worked out is not going to be and not going to happen.
The military doesn't pay that much money, and since when does the military pay for spouses' tuition? I know they pay for the one enlisted.
If she has not included you in any of the wedding plans. You have all the right in the world to be hurt, but let her take the reins. If you are not invited, please as much as you will be hurt, it is her life, and she is the one pushing you out of it.
Just remember that she is your daughter, and she is going to need you when (not if) she falls.
2007-10-11 05:37:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
All you can do without pushing her away completely is to let her make her own mistakes. The kid 's parents she is staying with are nuts. My mom and dad wouldn't even let a guy in my bedroom at 18, much less shack up. Just tell her that going to college would help her and boyfriend in the long run, how hard it is to go back to school once you enter the real world, ask if she is ready for military life herself. Challenge her to go to college with the knowledge that once she has a degree, no one can take that away from her. Her standard of living will be much higher than if she decided not to attend college. If this guy loves her, he would want what is best for her, which is getting an education. Tell her it is her decision, but she will also be responsible for herself if things go wrong.Let her know she will always be your daughter and you will always love her. Once she is informed, then all you can do is stand back and let the cards fall where they may.
2007-10-11 05:41:16 · answer #2 · answered by Really now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best thing you can do is pray for her. Pray the military straightens her hubby up. That she does pursue her education. Be positive when you do have contact with her. She can rise above the lowly circumstances. Only a few marriages make it against these odds but it does happen. Depending on what he had legal trouble about the military may not even take him and then again if it something time and the military can overcome he could in the future be allowed in to law enforcement. With maturity and showing he is able to follow orders and has outgrown his juvenile jail behavior he can have a future.
2007-10-11 05:47:09 · answer #3 · answered by Southern Comfort 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi...
I don't agree with allowing my son's girlfriends to live in my home.. I figure if they want to live together, ok fine, but they need to get their own place.
I truly do not know what is wrong with parents these days... and if i were a young girl, the last place i'd live would be with a boyfriend and his parents.
I'm sorry you are having such bad relationship issues with your daughter.. i know it's a worry for you...
Sometimes kids in their late teens make decisions which they feel are good for them, and as parents, we don't feel their decisions are that great -- i think we all need to live and learn. And when we are young, we sometimes make knee-jerk decisions which aren't always the best.
I hope that someday your daughter comes around and makes amends. I hope it works out for her, too.
I hope your daughter realizes that if she was in an auto accident that she has a "pre-existing" condition, and many times, new insurance policies will not cover old illness.... live, learn
Take care of YOU.. hugs
2007-10-11 05:37:18 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 36 and my Mom would never allowed that, but you can't govern what someone else does in their own home and now that she's 18 there's nothing you can do, I'm sure you're upset but honestly, what's up w/the alcohol? If you're wanting her to starighten up, there's several ways, but they also may push her away, first of all, how is SHE buying alcohol, so not only her purchase of it but her contributing to a minor is illegal, doesn't say so much for his parents, you could always call social service on his family if they're aware of it. Hope you get everthing in order, I know my mother would be upset if this was going on, I'm the eldest of three girls, and she's very much involved in our life. Good Luck!
2007-10-11 05:34:42 · answer #5 · answered by Dolly J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's 18 and as much as it hurts and is difficult to do, you will have to let her make her own mistakes.
The military is an honorable career and perhaps will straighten him out.
"Since when is it ok to let your kids shack up with the opposite sex in your house?": If that what you do NOT want, then it is never okay. It's your house and your rules, even if they are adults.
2007-10-11 06:10:05 · answer #6 · answered by Wayner 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was THIS girl....I eloped, I got married without my parents knowing, I moved into his parents house, we had a baby together (granted he had no priors and the baby came after marriage ) but I still treated my parents like CRAP!!!!! But ya know what? They still loved me...even when I did not call and they did not know where I was for months at a time, when the time came and I realized how much I love and missed them, I called and they welcomed me AND my husband (very very important to support him as much as you dislike it now) and my baby home with open arms. She will come around, continue to convey love and support,
And it is not ok to shack up with the opposite sex in your house, I can understand where you are coming from, my husband and I are very conservative now (yep, same guy, 4 kids later, yes, parents ADORE him now!) KEEP LOVING, KEEP SHOWING THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!
Prayers to you
2007-10-11 05:42:05 · answer #7 · answered by AGgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is going down a dead end street. Her husband and his family are not good people. His family are enablers, They have you daughter snowed. I feel sorry for you but she should be coming around after she realizes how wrong she was. This husband to be and his family are a bunch of fools. I wish you and your family the best of luck. Your daughter will need all she can get. Just let her know that you still love her and wish her the best of luck.
2007-10-11 05:35:41 · answer #8 · answered by orcarius 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not okay. I had this same argument with my son's mil. Do what I did - remember that she is your daughter, your beloved daughter and you want what is best for her.
Accept the reality - that she thinks she is mature and can make her own mistakes. But that you love her and will always be there for her.
So stop preaching, start hugging and tell her you love her. Don't build more barriers which will take more years to break down.
Let it go - she might be making a mistake, but hey - we all do.
Good luck.
2007-10-11 05:32:51 · answer #9 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is OK for them to shack up because she is 18 and a legal adult.
You accept that she is going to make a lot of mistakes and after a while will realize how absolutely stupid she was. You remain calm when you talk to her and just chuckle inside at the retarded things she says.
2007-10-11 05:33:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋