Sometimes when we're having sex, she starts to panic. She'll start shaking and crying hysterically. She feels like she's upsetting me when that happens, but I completely understand. How should I comfort her when this happens and how should I make her see that I understand and love her even though she panics?
I realize I posted this question previously, but many people told me that she needed to go to therapy, and she has. She's still going and I've gone with her. I just need to know what I should do and how I can help.
Another thing...We obviously stop having sex when she panics and I try to hold her, but sometimes that makes her cry even harder and she just doesn't want to be touched. Sometimes she'll pull away from me and I'll catch her hand and bring her close to me, and she just snuggles up and cries. After she's close she's fine, but other times, she gets away and after things have calmed down, she'll tell me she just wishses that I would have held her. What should I do?
2007-10-11 05:26:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Dear So in love
tell her you love her so much that it is OK when she feels she can't have sex you love her any way so much that the sex part dose not matter as much as the love you feel for her and she should not feel a shamed of the fact that sometimes she can't enjoy sex because of the panic attacks you want to spend the rest of your life with her regard less of the sex it might help her to relax more in that area she may just be having trouble letting her Gard fully down in that area and it may take some time but trust me she she will how long have you been together?
2007-10-11 05:39:28 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs. Blue 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is one of those things where the only real solution is time. Hopefully after a time your finace will be so comfortable around you that she see's only you when you are having sex. You are doing the best you can at the moment, its hard to read a situation like that even if you have been there a hundred times before since if she pulls away from yo it must feel like the most unnatural thing to pull her towards you since you might hurt her and I'm sure that would make things worse. Maybe try to look into her eyes more and talk to her firmly but not at all threatening. In knowing your body language and recognising that it is you she is with it might help her calm down. Also try to look at her more during sex, as well as talking to her with reassuing words maybe. I'm sure it would help her if she could always know it was you she was having sex with, it would probably keep thoughts about her past experience from coming into her head and she wouldn't get freaked out. It sounds simple but I'm sure it would help.
2007-10-11 12:35:01 · answer #2 · answered by scyther_maverick 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, thats a sad story. Very upsetting.
I would guess that patience, love and tenderness may be the key answers, above all else. However, she may be, or is, dealing with PTSD, and it would seem thats the case. It seems as though she is reliving the experience and thats a key signature of PTSD.
It may take counseling by a knowledgeable PTSD counselor to help her address and get past the emotional issues she has.
The conversations you have with her should NOT be during or after sex...but during a warm non threatening sit down where you make gentle suggestions and nudges towards getting that type of counseling. Perhaps if you did some research and found several certified and qualified PTSD therapists and just gave her their contact info...?
My heart aches when I read these kinds of posts...partially because I have PTSD and can somewhat relate, but also because it hurts me to know someone is internalizing that much pain.
I wish you both nothing but sincere well wishes ...
2007-10-11 12:34:24 · answer #3 · answered by Noone i 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well you may want to ask her therapist what you should do in these instances. It sounds like you have an idea what to do. Just be very supportive and offer as much comfort as you can. It is a very difficult situation and sometimes their is nothing you can do. There isn't a magic button you can press and make it all go away. The only thing you can do is offer stability and security. It is very tough and I am sorry that you both have to deal with this. Give her time and be patient.
2007-10-11 12:42:23 · answer #4 · answered by justin ohio 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know how long she's been seeing her therapist. If it's been awhile, well it just ain't working! Go find a different therapist - a cognitive behaviorial psychologist preferred. They deal with the problem on hand and don't search unnecessary issues. You want to concentrate on this problem alone. And that is what a cb psychologist basically does.
In the meantime, you are doing all the right things. You are supporting, understanding, and loving. She needs this very much. So keep doing what you're doing and find a different therapist or doctor of behaviorial psychology.
2007-10-11 16:00:24 · answer #5 · answered by Marguerite 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
That's very touching, you must be a very patient person. You might want to get professional recommendation for something like this. I would obviously say support and comfort her but if you're serious, you should go to someone who can really get her out of that state of mind while you guys are having intercourse.
2007-10-11 12:37:27 · answer #6 · answered by Ranz 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Exactly what you are doing. Follow her cues. Perhaps at a neutral time, when you are both calm and mellow, ask her how she wants you to handle when it happens because you love her and don't want to hurt her in any way. Then listen. You are an awesome person for caring so much and please continue-she is very blessed to have you, and you her. I wish you both all the best with this difficult situation!
2007-10-11 12:33:35 · answer #7 · answered by curiositycat 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
So far you're doing a pretty good job.
More of the same, time and patience will help.
Just don't try to rush her, progress has to be at her pace.
Ian M
2007-10-11 12:36:45 · answer #8 · answered by Ian M 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be kind, patient, and very supportive of her.
2007-10-11 12:30:48 · answer #9 · answered by Fred F 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋