Are insults alluding to sexual violence EVER appropriate?

Question

I would say that in the VAST majority of cases, they are not and certainly out of the blue rape "jokes" are never acceptable.

But if someone makes reference to my genitalia in order to demean me, I think it right and proper that I be allowed to make reference to my genitalia as a way to demean them.

Am I wrong here?

I say this particularly when the individual in question was given an opportunity to apologize without being criticized or called out and declined to do so.

Look, I am sure what I said was over the top.

But as a black man in particular I am sick and tired of being DEHUMANIZED by people thinking my genitalia are an appropriate topic for discussion, by a society than portrays me with names normally used for animals.

And I've experienced being sexually assaulted by a female. Grabbing me there and saying "I wanted to see if it was true about black men" then when I complained to the person in charge of sexual abuse reports, a women's studies professor, being told to "get over it".

So yeah, I have a right to be angry.

EDIT

You're right. I'm wrong. I apologize. The letter was completely over the top and totally unacceptable. It was totally disporportionate to any offense you may have - probably inadvertently - caused. Actually, "disporportionate" doesn't even begin to say how completely unwarranted it was.

It was beyond rude: it was repugnant and vitriolic.

It was beyond obscene: it was despicably, dehumanizingly, brutally grotesque.

Again, my sincerest apologies.

I accept yours and note that - as Lioness has led me to see, - your remarks probably had no malicious intent whatsoever, so your apology shouldn't even be necessary. I was simply wrong here. But you conciliatory attitude is much appreciated.

I would take this down for being a stupid question, but I feel that might be evading my accountability for having behaved this way.

Oracle,

I appreciate your supportive remarks as well as your suggestions for more constructive ways to approach this.

But Lioness has may very good points about my responding to this from a standpoint that the other person couldn't POSSIBLY have been aware of.

And I don't think the degree of anger nor the form it took could ever be justified.

In fact, I'd say I have not recently been "in my right mind" (due to illness and medications of which I'lll say no more because I do NOT want to excuse my behavior) and my outburst was completely unreasonable, whatever past experiences I may have had.

Your supportive words are appreciated but really I was in the wrong here. No two ways about it.

Answer 1

how is this for SEXUAL VIOLENCE? you hypocrite and I am not a feminist tho I am a woman and very pro and so I like them much better than you haters.

" From: Gnu Sense

Subject: concerning my genitalia

Message: which you in your hypocrisy as a feminist presume to make a topic of discussion.

I'd like to choke you with it.

and I don't mean shoving it down your throat so you gag.

I mean wrapping it around your neck a couple of times and pulling on it until it crushes your larynx."

yOu nEEd seriOUs heLp

*an ASTRONOMICAL difference btwn what I wrote
and your emaiL to mE
the appropriate thing to do
was either report me
if you thought it was reportable
or to tell me you thought it was offensive
what you did was instead unstable
and psycho
gottcha!!!
you have revealed
that you are sick and hateful

He removed the question but it went something like women often worship or put him on a pedestal yada yada yada and I said something crude (cause I am Mantis) like you must be really big...and he sent me this violent email. I was never "given the opportunity to apologize" but if asked nicely I would have...I hope the opportunity wasn't the violent email. anyway enough of this ****.
you lose dude

didn't know you were black doesn't matter
and what else doesn't matter is my husband
is black and doesn't have ANY of the issues you have
you need to apologize to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you are to have ANY
integrity

*BabU thaNk yOu bAby. evEn tho
I cAn haNDle this onE
..whO said chivalry iS dead?

Gnu: If your apology is sincere, I accept and extend one to you for I did not mean to offend at all but so deeply. I will not bother you again.

thank you Lioness for your always articulate and intelligent nature!

Answer 2

If she makes references your genitalia in order to demean you, then you should make references to her genitalia or other sexual parts in order to demean her....not suggest that you use your own genitalia to demean her. In other words, if she throws an apple at you, throw an apple back. Don't throw an orange.

As for having everyone treat your sexual parts as if they're communal property and a perfectly appropriate topic of discussion, I know how you feel. Men don't really discuss women's vaginas all that much, but they DO talk about our breasts pretty often...as well as the rest of our bodies (how many times does a man in here go on about how he thinks feminists are fat and unattractive?). As someone who doesn't necessarily measure up to their standards, I can't stand it when guys talk about breasts, particularly if they're talking about those of a woman I know. I also hate when they talk about their preferences or speculate on women they haven't been with. Can't people just have more respect for others' bodies and let some things be SECRET??

Answer 3

I normally wouldn't have responded to a question involving a feud between two people--but I have to respond since I'm highly disturbed by reading your email to Mantis. Her comment to you didn't seem of "violent" or "threatening" nature. She seems to have thrown in a comment to be funny, actually, attempting to compliment you, since the majority of men like to think they are big. Now, I understand it made you upset because of your past, and whatever personal experiences you have had. But FYI, this person couldn't have possibly known your sensitive spots or whatever you have and apparently still are struggling with.

Your response to her was highly dehumanizing, degrading, violent and threatening---what did you try to accomplish by sending her the email? Show her that you are so big and bad and have the ability to "overpower" her with your genitalia, because she's weak and won't be able to handle it? Is this how intelligent people communicate dissatisfaction?

NOTHING justifies a response such as yours. Only a fragile person who deep inside has no respect for women would flip the way you did. And for you to put it up to gain compassion from the rest of us just confirms the fragile state. I'm sure you'll apologize at some point, but I have a feeling the "flipping" pattern will be repeated at some point again.

I really hope you work out your issues.

Answer 4

Whoa! That is not appropriate! Any woman/man who grabs any part of another person without being given permission to do so is just wrong. And I agree, your genitalia is not an appropriate topic for discussion. At least not referencing you personally - if people just want to talk about penises and vaginas in general I think we are all adult and can handle it.

Answer 5

It all depends what kind of person you are whether or not you want to act in the same behavior as the person who did it to you first. In a general sense, I would say they are never appropriate, because it's disrespectful.

Others are more laid back regarding that type of talk. I just find respecting the person in that regard necessary.

Answer 6

Er. I don't really get what kind of reasoning we have here. There are lots of ways to insult someone who insulted you without making reference to anyone's genitalia. Or to rape or violence.
____________

That was a totally f'n creepy and out-of-line e-mail, dude, and I don't know why you would even need to write such a thing in order to tell someone you didn't like her question. You're seeing a counselor, I presume.
____________

Mike T, rape jokes are *hilarious*, especially female-on-male rape jokes and prison rape jokes. Oh, man, those are my favorite. You guys better not drop the soap while serving your time for those false rape accusations.

Answer 7

When the creepy guy next door wants to borrow your shovel to bury a dead body in his back yard, When the Pit Bull is trying to eat your mother on the way to the front door, When the neighbors cat is in your prize bird cage burping up feathers, When the auto mechanic tell you "Screw the written estimate" You owe me $1500.00 more cause my kid needs braces, When the legal system lets the mass murder go cause they forgot to say please when he was arrested ...... You know the judge loves ya when he announces the time, date and place of his release with the statement "All the cops are busy on the far side of town".

Answer 8

i don't think they're ever appropriate.
imo, there are better ways to deal with that situation.
you could be a better person & take the "high road"--at least, that's what i would do.
sorry you're getting insulted like that.

Answer 9

Anger breeds anger. It is a shame when the personal insults start to fly, however, how can you demand respect from others if you don't give it?

Answer 10

You mean you want to grab your crotch and say "Choke on this?" Unnecessary and probably a cause for a violation notice, but whatever.