My husband is having a baby with his girlfriend,how do I act?

Question

I am seperated from my husband and we getting a divorce soon. I left him 9 months ago because of his drinking and it was starting to affect our daughters lives. I left him wanting him to change and get better but I guess he didn't want that cause he is with someone else and she is 6 months pregnant. It is hard for me because I didn't want it to turn out this way. How do I act towards this innocent baby? I know I need to act mature because this is my daughters half sister. Do I need to act a certain way towards this child and the mother? There is just so much hate towards my husband. Has anyone been in this situation?Thanks!

Answer 1

You have ever right to be angry and hurt and you do not have to act any way toward this woman and her child. Yes it would be a half sibling to your children but that does not mean you will be getting visitation or have to have any contact at all with this child or its mother.

Your children will be seeing the child when they visit their father so you should be careful not to air your opinions in front of them. They must be allowed to form their own opinions.

As for the hate you feel for your husband, let it go and move on with your life. You will poison your own life and your children's life if you dwell on it. He has moved on and so should you. You will always have contact with him because he is their father but that is the limit - find yourself someone to love and who loves you and treats you as you deserve.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am divorced from an alcoholic myself. I can completely understand your anger and you have every right to be.

The fact is, however, that you are separated and getting divorced. Granted, he should have waited until after the divorce was final before starting up with someone new, but you can't change that.

She is, as you say, an innocent in all of this and did not ask to be in this situation. Try to remember that when the feelings hit you. You are angry with your soon to be ex, not the child. There is nothing saying that you have to have any contact with the mother or daughter either. You have no obligation to be friends with the girlfriend (although be the better person and at least try to be civil). Depending on how things work out, your daughter and her half sister may never meet. There's no way to tell now.

My advice is to be strong. Remember the reasons why you divorced this man. Use this situation to reinforce the fact that you did the right thing for you and your daughter. Beyond that, take things day by day. The anger will fade in time if you don't try to hold onto it.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You have every right to be angry and hurt by your husband. But you are right, this baby and your daughter are the innocent parties. Even the girlfriend hasn't really wronged you in any way, since you are in the process of a divorce. The best thing you can do (for everyone including yourself) is be as mature and loving as you can be. Better things will come your way, you deserve them. So don't dwell on this situation too much or hold on to the hate. The more open and caring you are, the better you will feel. And you will be showing your daughter a great example of class and strength. Good luck.

Answer 4

I've neva been in this situation but i have known someone that has. My friend was dating this guy that was going thru a divorce, he had 2 kids and my friend was pregnant by him. His ex wife was horrible to her and she honestly didn't do anything. She was worried how she would treat the new kid. She ended up having a miscarriage so no kid came out of it. But the other kids saw how their mom treated the "new lady" and thought she was mean and would be mean to their new brother or sister. I think u should treat the baby right. The baby has no say in this. Ur husband is an *** but don't take it out on the innocent kid.

Answer 5

Very much so.....Try just learning about my "ex-husband" having a two year old son who my children and I just met a month ago....He lied and denied having a child with his girlfriend and now the child just turned two....Our divorce just became finalized three weeks ago and our children still haven't met the girlfriend.....Which I am not complaining about because our children want no part of his life....He's the one who lied and hid his secrets so he needs to deal with it...I'm not going to make this easy for him when all he did was hurt our kids....Yes, they have a half brother but the way I see things is that our boys were not that important enough to be apart of it from the beginning....They feel the same way....Kids are very smart and they know things even if you don't say anything....Your husband needs to do alot of things to correct his decisions....All you need to do is be there for your daughter's.....It's a hard thing to go through but, trust me he will be the one hurting later........best wishes....

Answer 6

Hi! Well this is a situation I know first hand about,
see I'm the guy in the same situation...... left my wife 10 yrs ago, because of drinking..... got into another relationship and have a daugter who is now 7. I'm still married to my wife but we've been separeted for yr's, we talk and she treats my daugter as if she were her own. Even though we r no longer together we're still friends and can act like adult people dispite the circumstances. I think
that the three of u should get together and talk it out.

Answer 7

I know how much this hurts right now. Believe me I know. But I think if things were so bad that you had to leave. In a couple of years this when you have moved on with your life a little more. You will be so happy to be out of that situation. Take my advice on this be as nice as you can not only to his girlfriend and the baby but to him. It's really hard to do. But your daughters are watching and they don't need anymore stress in there lives. When they get a little older they will realize and will thank you for loving them so much you put your personal feelings aside. To be honest deep down I cant stand the sight of my exhusband either but I dont let him, his wife, there kids and especially my kids see it. I even go so far to give them Christmas gifts. Course one year I gave them a fruit basket w/ half rotted fruit on the bottom. But the attempt to be nice was made. hahaha...I'll be praying for you. Just be strong for your girls. And remember he will never have any woman in his life as good as you!!

Answer 8

guys sometimes go through depression themselves after their wife has the baby, because everything changes. He now has to worry about taking care of you and the little one. But the way he is acting is not an excuse. If your going to leave then leave, oh...by the way RYDE-ON..it takes two to have a child, she didn't do it alone. Even though it hurts that tomorrow is your first mothers day and he has nothing planned, just look at the baby, and that is thanks enough..you have something very special that looks to you, and gives you unconditional love. Happy Mothers Day!

Answer 9

How unfortunate. You found out that "one woman's garbage, is another woman's diamond". How much interaction do you expect to have with this other child? You can't fault anyone when you kicked him to the curb. Respect his relationship and respect the innocent child. You don't have to respect the rebound girlfriend, just know that he's hers and not yours. You now have to put your focus back on you and start doing things that make you happy. Maybe you will find someone new. Best wishes.

Answer 10

Ouch! This is a tough one and I applaud you for wanting to be the "grown up" in the family.

For the sake of your daughter, you must control your feelings about your husband.

For the sake of your daughter, you must also welcome her interactions with her half-sibling.

Be cordial (this does not mean friendly) with the mother of the baby. Be cordial with your ex-husband for the sake of your daughter. Be as kind to the new baby as you can. You are right -- this will be an innocent child.