what do i do after rape?

Question

It has now been 6months since i was raped by a stanger and i cannot deal with it. Three weeks ago i moved into university accomodation and am living with people who i dont really know. Do i tell them about the rape or shall i just carry on pretending nothing happened? I dont want to make them feel awkward around me but i cant stand it when they joke about things like rape. If they knew then maybe it would be easier, but at the same time it could make it 10times harder. What are your thoughts of what i should do?

Answer 1

I was raped when I was 14 by my step-brother. I knew that he had taken something very special from me, we didn't have rape centers, or counseling services, unless you went to a State Hospital. The rape eventually led me down a course in life, which should happen to no-one. When I reached the age of 40 I then learned there were places where I could get help and learn that: You are not at fault!
You did nothing that made you deserve to be raped!
He is the one to blame!
You cannot go back to where you were before the rape happened.
You didn't cause it, You can't change it.
Only by going to a therapist, and getting involved with other women who have been raped. Can you help yourself to deal with this horrible thing that happened to you.
Aways Remember This: YOU SURVIVED!!!

Answer 2

wow, I am so sorry that happened to you. I'm not sure what advice to give you but I will try. Did you go to the police? Many girls don't and I'm not sure what I would do in the same situation. First off, dont lie to yourself and pretend that nothing happened. It did happen and it was horrible. If you feel comfortable with the people that you live with at the dorm then I would definitely tell them. But I'm wondering why are they even making jokes about something like that in the first place. Its no laughing matter in any case. If your not "ready" to tell them then try talking to someone like a counclior (spelled wrong), or see if there are any groups available on campus for rape victims, even look off campus. There is NO reason that you should have to keep this inside without telling/talking to someone. Many girls may end up blaming themselves some how, but there is nothing that a girl can do that would make it ok for her to be raped. NOTHING! As for telling them and it making things harder for you, if that happens then try to get transfered to another dorm. You have been through so much, and you deserve to have friends and family around you that will do their best to support you. Be there to listen to you. You have already done the hardest thing, you asked for help. You can and will make it through this. Also I would report this, it could get police to up the amount of security where it happened, and it could also help the police if there was any more victims. they may come out as well and the police could catch this creep.

Answer 3

ok, you were raped....did you ever report it????
I'm sorry you had to go through that, I've been there myself and it took me a good year before I could even leave the house without fearing for my life. To this day (it's been 6 years since it happened) I can't watch movies/shows that even just imply rape, it's just too painful. When meeting new people (and in a case where they treat rape as part of some joke - and it makes me sooooo mad when they laugh) I tell them that I think it's inappropriate and not to talk like that around me. If they ask why, then I explain that it's because I had it happen and it's not a laughing matter so I appreciate if they don't say it around me. You can expect one of two things to happen when you bring it up with them:
1. They may be very sympathetic and apologize
2. They could be cold hearted (and this is rare) and create tension when you are around on purpose.
I'm going to hope that those people whom you are rooming with will be sympathetic and understanding.
There is nothing wrong with telling people this has happened to you, I really think it helps them realize that it's a reality and not a joke. People tend to be so naive - I know I was until it happened to me.
I am so happy you are here and you are surviving that ordeal, it takes an incredible amount of strength to be able to overcome something like that. I wish you the best of luck with everything!!
Feel free to contact me if you would like someone to talk to about it.

Tumbs down?!?!?! WTF?

Answer 4

You are now surrounded by people that you do not know, which will cause anxiety at the best of times, so in some ways, your feelings are normal.

I would advise you to see a trained person. Go to the health center, ask for a private consultation. If they want symptoms, just tell them you don't feel well and would like to see a woman (probably easier than seeing a male doctor). When you get in, you can either talk round it or say straight out, 'I was raped six months ago'. Then let them say something. They are trained to deal with this type of thing.

Ideally, you would have reported the incident at the time but now, I would advise you to visit the health care workers on site, that deal specifically with students. There are professional health care workers (doctors and nurses), who will be able to help you with medical issues and they will also be able to direct you to staff who will be able to help you over the mental anxiety and confusion that you feel. There are also student advisers (who are trained to talk through these things with you), who will probably direct you to the professionals, as it is a complex issue for them to deal with.

It is unlikely that the people you live with will find it funny, although joking about rape strikes my as worrying (in some institutions, joking about rape can be taken as sexual harassment and the students could find themselves suspended). Talking to them sounds like a bad idea, although you could perhaps say that a close fried of yours was attacked.

Answer 5

You should find the number to the local rape crisis center in your area, counseling is free, and often times conducted by women who have been victims as well. You should be able to find the number in the local yellow pages under social services. The university or college you are attending should offer counseling as well. All services/conversations are confidential... I would not share with others that you do not know very well and must share a living space with, this may make for a even more uncomfortable situation. Please seek some help to assist you in dealing with your feelings. Very Important... Good luck and God bless****

Answer 6

I was raped by four strangers when I was 18 -- and that was 40 years ago. It will never go away completely. I did not get counseling or any kind of help and this has always haunted me. Recently I was watching TV and the subject came up. My significant other was sitting at the computer with His back to me. He heard me sniffling and turned around and saw the tears falling down my cheeks unchecked. He immediately turned off the computer and took me to the bedroom where we lay on the bed while He coaxed the story out of me. He was able to comfort me, did not condemn me, and fianlly made me realize that the rape was not my fault. I feel infinitely better now, but can't help but wonder if I would not have been better off seeking help immediately after the rape? Please see somebody and don't suffer through all the years as I have. I don't know the circumstances surrounding your rape, but I guarantee you it wasn't your fault. As for telling your roomies? I would. Just so that they know and will be more sensitive to you and your needs. Maybe one of them is living with that or something similar in their own life and the two of you would be able to offer each other some comfort.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Tell your friends at school you want to have a talk with all of them. Plan a time when you can all sit down somewhere quiet and private, and no one will be drinking or distracted. Maybe a dorm room or a park.

Tell them. Just spill it out. You need to make sure they understand what occurred and how you are feeling about it now. Tell them what happened, and then tell them, "Sometimes I hear you guys talk about rape and it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I didn't know how to tell you." Also make sure they know that you want to keep this confidential and that if they have any questions about it, you are always willing to talk.

College kids can be slightly more mature than HS kids. I think most of them will be shocked and will want to understand you. Rape is serious and it's not something they are going to joke about. I feel certain most of them will want to make sure you are ok, and they will watch their mouths from now on. Who knows - you may even find out that of your friends had a similar experience.

Also, I highly recommend you go to a guidance counselor at school and ask how you can get some counseling. I am SURE that there is a therapist on staff at your university that you can talk to for free.

You need to talk to a professional to and work through your feelings. This is always going to be a scar on your heart, so to speak, but you can continue to live a successful life.

My heart goes out to you, and I will send you healing thoughts. You are not alone. Good luck.

Answer 8

I am really sorry that this happend to you. The first thing you need to know, is that this was not your fault. You can get your feelings across with out telling them about it. You can tell them that someone close to you was raped, and you don't find it funny, and want them to stop joking about it. Don't feel pressured to elaborate. If they persist, then try to find alternate living arrangements. Also please talk to a counselor, or clergy. You don't have to be a member of that church to talk to someone. There is a great organization that can help you explore all the resources available to you. It's called the National Center for Victims of Crime. Here is that link: http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/Main.aspx PS You're not just a victim, you are a survivor.

Answer 9

Have you had counselling about your experience?....you should've been offered it if you have reported it to the police.
If you have,ring your councillor..they will help you through this difficult time.

I know what it's like.
Dealing with the aftermath of being raped is harder than the act itself.
I couldn't watch tv progs when it involved rape....and people who knew... I thought acted differently towards me.
But this was untrue and I was lucky to be able to talk to a professional about how I felt.

Answer 10

i too think you should speak to a professional. i cannot begin to understand how you must be feeling and am sorry for what happened. if you spoke to a counsellor then maybe they could help you come to terms with what happend and try to help you move forward. did you go to the police and if so didnt they put you in touch with a counsellor?? if you feel that it would help to talk to the people you live with then do so you should all get along as you have to live together and if they make jokes tell them you don't like it and what happend, i don't think that joking about rape is in any way funny at all its awful. if you feel you cant talk to the people you live with maybe you could ask to be moved?? feel free to email me i will always talk things through i did with my friend who thinks she may have been date raped (she thinks she was drugged she can't remeber anything). hope you will be ok x