My girlfriend has been married twice and has divorced the same man twice. They have a child together. She talks about him allot. I do understand it is normal to talk about ex’s to a point, but it seems a bit excessive. He shows up at her house unannounced and one of her other friends has described her house as Home Base for this guy. They have a long history and at times I get the feeling that their relationship doesn’t have the closure you would think. I love this woman with all of my heart and I know she loves me. I want to ask her to marry me and our relationship is right at that point. Should I be concerned about this or should I just trust her heart?
2007-10-11 03:51:33 · 17 answers · asked by Twigits 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like that relationship does NOT have closure.
You are setting yourself up for heartbreak if you ask her to marry you. She can love more then one person and probably does, but unless you're ready to share her forever, then I would not be considering marriage to someone who is so tightly wrapped up in her ex.
2007-10-11 03:58:29 · answer #1 · answered by LAL 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe its just insecurity on your end - because they have a child together, they will ALWAYS be in eachother's lives...
You should befriend him, considering his kid will be your step-child if you and her get married. And... to "keep your enemies close"..
People who have long histories and have been in love before will have a bond that nothing can touch. I have a loving relationship with my ex and my boyfriend just has to deal with it. He is a close friend so I will talk about my ex alot. But not in the context of "my ex", but as my friend.
I also know that my ex would be my second-call if my boyfriend and I got engaged. So, yes, the love between them will always be there and you can never "replace" him... he's in her life, accept it now or you shouldn't marry her.
But being in love... the want to build a life together is different than having love for someone. She likely does love him. They probably have these annoying little inside jokes and quirks that make you mad. But, just as I have those with my closest female friends - who would you know more? Someone you were married to? Come'on!
You should not be concerned about this and trust her heart until she gives you any reason not to. But if this relationship of hers will give you constant heartache and worry, then you should deal with it now.
The biggest thing is that she accepts your boundaries. Say a logical boundary is that he can't spend the night over and she can't spend the night over. Look inside yourself and ask "if he asked to stay over and you said No, would she listen or would she throw a fit or do it anyway?" ... respect for eachother and eachother's feelings will make this problem easy to work through.
Goodluck.
2007-10-11 04:01:16 · answer #2 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well it seems to me with my experience is that she still has feelings for this person and when you love someone it is hard to stop talking about them are stop seeing them because you have been with that person for such along time. They have a tie together so it all depends on if they have realize that being together just don't work their probably better apart for so many different reasons. You do have a right to feel intimidated because if a lady was it to you most other guy wouldn't even be a issue or wouldn't even hear her speak of another guy. She seem very confused to meand also seems a bit imature. Please count up the cost before you get ready to go through baby mama drama . Love is one thing but you can't live on love and sex alone start thinking with your brain and not the head connected to the balls! Remeber this is your life and if you don't get to know what you will have to deal with you will be in divorce court before you know it so avoid this and get to know him and her and the children they can bring lots of drama just because they want mom to be with their day please for your happiness look beyond love and see reality God bless you on your chose and be blessed I only take serious questions
2007-10-11 04:11:39 · answer #3 · answered by tellthetruth 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Same reason. You're competing with the past when there is probably no need. He's made a commitment to you. He married you and started a family. He's also made a commitment to his kids. That's great. He has not made a commitment to his ex girlfriend.
2016-04-08 03:00:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your concerns are legitimate. I think you should hold-off on proposing to her until you know where this man really stands in her life.
I think you should address these concerns to her.
Don't accuse her of fooling around on you, but mention that you believe her ex is still in love with her. Recall episodes of past incidents. Try to not show any emotions. Talk to her real smoothly like a friend would. This way she wont be defensive and not give you her sincere response about this situation.
After she responds then let her know that her interaction w/him and remarks made by her friends makes it hard for you to get closer to her emotionally. If she wants the relationship to progress, then she needs to set boundaries with her ex (he should not be visiting if they are no longer involved. )
If your girlfriend does not understand or respect your feelings about cutting the ex off, then you should cut this selfish girl off.
2007-10-11 04:28:11 · answer #5 · answered by anosey1 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Being divorced is one thing, but being divorced twice from the same guy is something pretty different.
Frankly, if it was me, I'd bit the bullet and end it. They have a kid together, so he will always be in your life. You know from experience that she has a track record of getting back with him.
Seems like trouble to me.
2007-10-11 04:06:06 · answer #6 · answered by AngiesHusband 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the only time this guy should show up is to pick up the child, or drop the child off... even then, they should go to a public place for the exchange... or she should have you there when they do the exchange... you are not insecure... the only way to find out if their relationship is done, is to ask her to marry you and see what she says... good luck! if she really loves you she will marry you and totally blow him off except for the exchange of the child... =) if she says no, move on... because that would mean she is only using you to make him jealous...
2007-10-11 03:58:53 · answer #7 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Coming over un announced is a bit excessive. Hell I'm still having a relationship with my childs father and he never just shows up...he always calls first.
Follow your intuition, if it doesn't seem right and makes you uncomfortable then talk to her about it.
2007-10-11 04:01:48 · answer #8 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Never feel insecure about anything... and by the way you describe it if that how it is... they have history and there GOOD friends that all! JUST FRIENDS dont worry about it!
u will never get closure unlessb u ask her to marry u that will give u there real answer?
EASILY REMEDEED EH? just trust me
2007-10-11 04:09:29 · answer #9 · answered by cbabysnugglebunny 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes, you should be concerned, but you need to talk to them both about this. You need to know what you can expect if you should pursue a future with her and she and he need to know what you expect as her new beau!
I wish you well, but it sounds like your gut has already given you the answer. They have not gotten the closure to their relationship that they think they have. Until that is done......
2007-10-11 04:02:50 · answer #10 · answered by Indya M 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋