I want out and this his just another control tactic.
What should be my next move?
2007-10-11 03:04:10 · 21 answers · asked by mrs O 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
((((Moon))))Thank you, my friend.He has made it impossible to do this amicably.My next step has to be divorce.I won't live another day like this...20 years of it.
2007-10-11 03:23:46 · update #1
Sandra,someone who understands! As I've said,nobody sees the scars,because they are on the inside.I'm happy that you are finally happy in your life.Thank you.
2007-10-11 03:31:01 · update #2
Thank you, Hubba.It's greatly appreciated.
2007-10-11 03:44:48 · update #3
Get a lawyer. They know what they are doing and what you should do. I divorced without one and he was the same way, I fudged the papers even so that he would sign them, it was the only way and ignorantly, I did not get a lawyer (he did not like how much child support he should pay so I said he had our daughter more than he did and that he made less money than he did). He was very, very verbally/mentally abusive. He got everything and he still tried to treat me like crap and say how mean and awful I was for leaving him, geeze the nerve of some people.
The magic of divorce is that he can’t abuse you anymore if you stand your ground (sometimes we need help to do this, there is no shame in getting help, you would help someone in the same circumstances). During and after my divorce, my ex would call with a very thinly veiled question about our daughter and then go into his rant about me and my life and I would have to hang up on him. I was not too mean about it though. I told him that I would talk to him about our daughter and that I would say goodbye and hang up every-time that he wanted to discuss any other subject and I did.
He learned, sort of. He found himself a new lady and all of a sudden he did not need to call me to get hung up on anymore (thankfully). Before that, when I was at work he would swing by my house and plow my driveway (Alaskan winters) then want me to reward him for it. I did not ask him to do this but it was more weird control stuff. I was as much to blame as him though and I am still working on changing the behaviors, beliefs, and patterns in my life so that I can be happier and my children will see that I am and hopefully they will be less apt to be either victim or abuser.
BTW, he told me a couple years ago, when I made an attempt to apologize for my behavior and attitude in our marriage and take responsibility for my part in our demise, that he realized he was difficult for anyone to live with and it wasn’t my entire fault. It was a start, (he used to blame me for it all). Maybe it will help with his marriage now; I hope so for our daughter’s sake.
Added: mama24 I am glad that I am making changes in my life so that I can be happy (relatively?) and thank you, although I did not mention my crazy second marriage that I am in now. Communication, communication, communication, is the lesson for me in this one. He is ten years younger (couldnt help myself, lol, maybe should have) and generationally we are overlapped but not quite the same so we work on it but I did not change enough in between to be in this one yet but here I am so I keep trying to get better at it.
2007-10-11 03:26:28 · answer #1 · answered by scsspace 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-23 05:17:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume you got the agreement from a lawyer, you probably do not have to have him sign it, if it required to be legally separated where you live, you should be able to get a judge to recognize the order or be able to simply post it on the court house wall etc, I would also get a restraining order at the same time to show your sincerity and keep him out of the house.
Go ahead and get a custody order and temp support order as well (if you have kids). If you don't have or can't afford and attorney, the court will likely have the forms and you will only need to fill them out and set an appearance date....
2007-10-11 03:12:36 · answer #3 · answered by jerry kaye 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Depending on where you live the divorce laws may vary. I'm a Christian and I've been where you are. God hates divorce,but He didn't create you for a man to abuse either. Ask God to make a way for you to be free of this Immature man. God can make a way when there seems to be no way.Sweetie don't let this man fool you . When he sees that he can't get his way,put him In his place ! Before I got right with God I was In this same situation. I took him to the court house with a loaded gun and made him sign the papers. It was In my purse and I had it on me. All I can say Is that God was watching out for me. Because now you can't even have a firearm on the premises. Or you go to jail ! Blessings to you Girl
2007-10-11 11:53:51 · answer #4 · answered by Isabella 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have the house deeded in your name only. I assume you're in a community property state. If so, do not buy the house until legally separated. In the agreement, spell out that the house is your sole property and not subject to community property consideration. Above all, get an attorney.
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2016-04-13 22:05:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2015-01-28 15:43:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
File for a divorce. A separation agreement is only separates your fiances and stuff, but you are still married. He will contest the divorce I'm sure, so you will end up in court, but he cannot stop you from divorcing him. A judge will then decided what your divorce decree will end up being.
2007-10-11 03:09:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk with your lawyer. He will probably never sign anything that could be construed as him giving up control!
You really don't NEED his signature on anything! You and your lawyer can go to court, with or without him, and end this!
Don't fret it! Don't speak with him directly. Let your lawyer do all the talking! Your lawyer can file registered letters, which he signs for. Once he signs for the lettr, and accepts it into his hands, it's as good as him signing the papers.
Stay away from him. Let your lawyer do his job!
2007-10-11 03:14:26 · answer #8 · answered by Rawstuff 007 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Contact an attorney on the next legal move. Also, keep a journal of what is going on to keep track of the abuse.
Be sure you have control of the bank accounts also as he may try to withdraw all the money.
Good luck.
2007-10-11 03:08:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your "sadder half" likes to play control freak. My suggestion would be to seek legal advice and a geographical seperation as well. Who knows what he is capable of, or planning. Don't be naive. Get space, get peace.
2007-10-11 11:31:28 · answer #10 · answered by Semp-listic! 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋