My husband and I went for marriage counseling to a male therapist. After sessions, I would feel frustrated and stressed out and unheard by the therapist and our relationship got worse as I would be mad at my husband and he would have this smug look that he was being supported by the therapist. Is it that therapists always support the primary patient and refuse to hear the spouse out? I literally started feeling like I was at some male convention, there was all of this peculiar bonding with my husband on the part of the therapist. I would assume that marital counseling involved an open and impartial discussion of issues. Finally, I put my foot down and said I would not go to him anymore. Should I go with a female therapist next time, will she be more receptive? Does everyone just support the patient? Maybe I should go as the patient the next time to talk about our issues!!!
2007-10-11 02:34:14 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Yikes, what a bummer. That's extremely frustrating.
No, a good therapist would validate both of you, finding positive traits to laud, and be balanced in suggesting changes. A good therapist will give you tools (techniques) for enhancing the communication between the two of you, and have the goal of aiding you to further bond and enjoy love within your relationship. A good therapist will honor and nurture the vulnerability which is exposed during the session.
Gender shouldn't matter, but look around, and talk to a few counselors before settling on one. See that hubby has a chance to share in the selecting of a new helper.
Don't give up, best of wishes.
2007-10-11 02:40:21 · answer #1 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though your husband was seeing this therapist alone at first and then you came in later for "marriage counseling." If this is the case, it might explain what happened. It is always better to start marriage counseling with a therapist who has not been seeing either member of the couple before. If one or both members of the couple is seeing a therapist, you can sign releases that would allow the marriage counselor to talk with your individual therapist(s), but to the marriage counselor the client is the "couple" not one of the members of the couple. I'm glad you decided to stop seeing this therapist, regardless of the situation prior to when you started to see him, clearly seeing him was not in your best interest, nor the best interest of your marriage. The gender of the therapist should not be an issue, especially if you both go in together as the client next time. Good luck and don't give up!
2007-10-11 09:40:47 · answer #2 · answered by jurydoc 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most of the therapists I have known are pretty balanced between patient and spouse.
You could have run up against a bad therapist or ... HE'S RIGHT!
You must consider at least the possibility that the issues are one sided or you haven't uncovered the issues that make it not be one sided.
I don't mean to rain on your parade, but people have all kinds of different experiences with therapy, and it can takes weeks for the therapist to really understand the dynamic of a relationship.
2007-10-11 09:44:01 · answer #3 · answered by Elana 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok my advice.... im clinical psych in training... would be go to a licensed marital therapist together.. you really didn't go to marriage counseling... you said "primary patient".. at least in my eyes that means that he was going to therapy, then you started to accompany him... what you have to do is go to a marriage specialist together from the get-go..sex of the therapist wont matter if theyre good... so just go in to meet him together so he learns and develops a relationship together..
..oh and PS... if he's happy with this therapist.. maybe let him keep seeing him on his own.. continuity and relaxing because the relationship is already there is good for the patient..
2007-10-11 09:41:20 · answer #4 · answered by delco714 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you guys need to find a new therapist because he isn't being impartial at all.
2007-10-11 09:43:08 · answer #5 · answered by Lori M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to consider a couple as marriage counselors so that you can get separate as well as combined sessions. Obviously from hearing only your point of view, we can not make a proper judgement of the situation.
2007-10-11 09:39:31 · answer #6 · answered by Mike1942f 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋