He ruined our finances, blaming it on me. Told most of his friends, coworkers, family and church members that I had borderline personality disorder and now none of them will talk to me, destroying my support network. Told me I was crazy and paranoid that I suspected a change in people's attitude toward me. He was cruel, screaming and spitting in my face that he wished my then newborn daughter was never born when I breastfed her. He insisted that I was a burden and wanted me to leave a lot so the family would have peace. Going out I was attacked more. I yelled a lot in resistance. He said it is in the past and I shouldn't be upset. He told be about wanting me to kill myself less than a week ago. He is known to be the nicest guy ever to others. I don't know what to do, think, feel, etc. Any suggestions would help.
2007-10-11 02:30:48 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have no family of origin. If I talk about abuse, borderline personality disorder prevents people from believing me. I am ridiculed because people can't believe he is anything but a supportive husband being abused by me. I have four kids, not just one. I want my kids to stay together, 2 are from my ex-husband and the other 2 are from my husband. I am ashamed of myself for allowing this for so long. My reputation is crushed. He may get custody of the younger kids. His parents are social workers so he played them to the hilt. He got a book about borderline that details the effects that it has on the spouse and that is what he has been telling people. He laughs at me about fooling so many people. I would not have found out if he didn't leave his email open. I read a letter from my pastor, only because I had to find out what really going on. He has been telling me more and more since then. I had a therapist test me with a personality test to tell me I was traumatized.
2007-10-14 14:07:53 · update #1
I have done the research, borderline is a disorder in which people make up abuse. My friends believe me but once personality disorder is talked about, even in accusations, a seed is planted. The same seed that my pastor, in-laws, and most other joint aquaintences have let take root, any assertiveness, any action or behavior that I iniciate, is judged with borderline googles on there faces. I find it horrifying that my husband was the only one to get support for my rape, and not wholistic support. I asked my pastor for support after it happened and she acted as though I didn't tell he in the right way. No way would have been the right way. I told her how I was raped, all the bones that were broke, how I needed spiritual support to understand it. I am not perfect and did not act in accourdance with my beliefs during this time. I was and am PISSED but stuck in familial and financial disaster.
2007-10-14 14:25:54 · update #2
Are you serious? You are being emotionally and physically abused. You need to seek counseling, if not only for yourself, but for your daughters welfare. Whether you do or don't have a disorder, you need to seek a strong support group of people...go to another church and meet with the pastor, talk to your family...say to them what you are saying on here, you don't have to take this lying down...get up and fight for yourself and your child!
2007-10-11 03:00:04 · answer #1 · answered by Sandra S 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You poor thing.
What an insensitive jerk you have for a husband. He has the nerve to call you paranoid when he's displaying all of the classic symptoms himself.
I've known a few people who were sparkling gems in the community, but were hateful and ugly behind closed doors. Sometimes it's easier to put on a mask and pretend that all is well, because people are inclined to believe what they see.
You need some serious support. Do you have family nearby? Can they help ? Let someone know what's going on.....and GET OUT of there as soon as you can......and seek legal advise.
I'm wishing you the best. (((((((((hugs))))))))))
2007-10-11 05:13:12 · answer #2 · answered by sugarbee 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If this behavior has only been present since the rape. I would suggest that he get serious counseling very soon. Some times husbands have trouble dealing with the rape of their wives and depression sets in.
If his behavior was prior, then you can surmise that this is his true personality. It also is not uncommon that people present a false personality while dating, only to be much different later.
Wish you the best.
2007-10-11 03:02:39 · answer #3 · answered by zax_fl 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
sounds like ur upset and i would suguest u really need to talk to someone, a professional would be ur best choice in the matter. u don't say enough about the rape and the child, is it from the rape? u both need to get help, it looks like ur both very upset with this and like i said u just don't make the whole picture clear enough to tell u how to act on it, so i would think therapy would be ur first choice and i hope u both learn how to deal with this situation. good luck to u
2007-10-11 03:17:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Contact a local women's shelter. They will know how to help you the best for your situation. They should be in the phone book, or call your local social services and they will be able to tell you who to call.
He is the one with a personality disorder, but that is irrelevant at this point. You need to work out a plan so you can leave with your child(ren) and be free of him for good.
2007-10-11 02:38:06 · answer #5 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is times like these that you hope karma truly exists and he will get what he has coming to him. Anyone who would say those things to anyone else (much less your wife) should be constantly anally raped for the rest of eternity. I try to keep the sanctity of marriage as much as I can and tell people to try and make it work but if I ever did or said anything like that to my wife I would hope that I would be beaten senseless by someone. Good luck, and kick him dead in the nuts before you walk out!
2007-10-11 03:15:34 · answer #6 · answered by No one 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
wow!!! i am so sorry you going through that but NO ONE deserves to be treated this way! he is the one with the problems NOT you i think it's time you walk out!! it's not healthy for you. go to bipolar.com see if other symptoms are present and if that's the case he will never change!!!! you need counseling because ppl that are in this type of abuse(mental) tend to start believing the things that are told to them. GOD BLESS!!!
2007-10-11 02:43:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You need to get out as soon as possible. Contact a local women's shelter for help. You do not deserve to be treated in this manner. He is the one with the problem, not you.
2007-10-11 02:59:54 · answer #8 · answered by Aumatra 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
this is an easy one. take your daughter and just go where your family is, stay with mom dad sister, i dont care.
stay calm and do not do anything like yelling or anything else that gives him a reason to accuse you of anything.
see a doctor and show him this question you wrote, you may need medical help.
2007-10-11 04:49:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
maybe you should ask a heart to heart talk with your husband ask him why is he doing this to you? if he says he doesn't want or love you anymore.. then ask yourself if you can take his treatment to you. then if not make a necessary arrangement for the custodial of your child and leave your damn husband,, don't wait for the time he'll do a More horrible thing to you... take care! and pray.. it helps
2007-10-11 02:39:34 · answer #10 · answered by wyn 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋