How do you "control" a controlling husband?

Question

In follow up to other questions.
Seems i managed to marry a controling man - how do I manage him? I don't want to control him back or emotionally blackmail him. In a mature adult way how do i get some self respect back and quit him having this power over me?

Divorce is not an option.

Answer 1

have u ever thought of a protest march in front of ur house. put some signs up in the front yard and just start to march up and down ur street when he comes home. that should open his eyes, by then u may have more people from the neighborhood joining u in the march. i would give that a try, if that don't work then ur going to have to try something a little more drastic to get his attention. good luck to u and i'll keep u in my prayers.

Answer 2

Im kind glad to know that divorce is not a option! To many people now a days are more into playing house, and after the fun is over they just walk away, not to mention the lack of respect you get when you shack up with someone. So now that Im done applauding you, I think the best advise I could give you is to stop letting him over power you, I think that maybe he has a lack of respect towards you and he is walking all over you. So untill you show your husband that you wont tolerate this kinda treatment, he will continue with his control, and may I add that the more he walks over you the more you feed his ego and attitude, thus giving him more power and disrespect towards you! So you must start with respecting your self! Show him that although you dont tolerate divorce you wont allow to be taken advantage of anymore! And it starts today! now! not tomarow or the next day! If you have to you may need to start going to meetings for co-dependents, I have a very strong feeling that you may be a co-dependent!

Answer 3

Leaving is often an determination yet merely one you may no longer arise with the money for to take. i don't comprehend what you assume any human beings to assert you have been residing with this for 18 years and now you want propose by utilising leaving isn't an determination. Counseling - why might he choose for that? Separation - oh it particularly is a factor of leaving call for admire and dignity - nicely it would be a transformation after 18 years - attempt it....do you have an ace up your sleeve? My expensive you have painted your self right into a corner which you may desire to get out of - quite of reducing off beginning you will possibly desire to look in any respect possibilities and circulate from there. He appears like a infantile controlling insecure boob...bypass away him, attempt to alter to evolve to him, attempt to alter him, combat it, stay with it or .....

Answer 4

If divorce is not an option for you, I'm sorry to hear that. Counseling is a choice, but he won't agree to go when the time comes because of his control issues. You might want to consider separation instead.

You can't get control over a controling person. I know from personal experience. Divorce was the right choice for me.

Answer 5

Emotional control over someone usually runs very deep in the controllers psyche. You've got 2 choices, either get him in to suitable counselling and or therapy, or get a lawyer to do some controlling of him via the divorce court.

Answer 6

Be "open" and tell him what you're thoughts are. Explain to him that you want more respect. Also tell him that you're an "Adult" just like he is and you "will not" be treated as someone who is under his thumb. YOU are "equal" in a marriage, so "DO NOT" let him treat you with disrespect by controlling you. If these issues don't get resolved, then try counseling or D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Answer 7

YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM IT NEVER STOPS and it is like a powertrip to them your always wrong they are always right please get some counseling help and if have tried to get some respect i doubt you will get it you have to love yourself enough to do this and if he doesn't want any marriage counseling you know its over and if you continue to stay with him you be more depressed and you will feel numb and worthless so take this advice from one who has walked in your shoes take charge and chin up also i remember doing whatever he wanted to keep the peace.

Answer 8

No person can control any other person without her consent. If you don't want to be controlled, stop giving your consent. Stop doing what he tells you to do except when you honestly feel like it. Start doing what you want to do when you want to do it, unapologetically. Be assertive. It won't be easy, because he will react emotionally. However, once you begin to stop giving consent to be controlled, you have to be ready for that.

This is a point I cannot stress enough: if he gets upset by your refusal to give consent to be controlled, let him. Always keep in mind that if your husband is upset or angry that is his problem and your primary goal in that situation is to refuse to make his bad feelings your problem. If he rages, cries, screams, cusses, insults, whatever, don't take his feelings onto yourself nor accept any responsibility for them whatsoever. Do not try to assuage his feelings by apologizing, nor by giving him your consent to be controlled. Let him have his feelings -- they won't kill him.

Answer 9

Try marriage counseling. Tell him how you feel about his controlling behaviors and that he needs to respect you. You can't control another's actions. He is responsible for controlling himself and treating you with respect. Good Luck!

Answer 10

I tell my mate that I won't be controlled. When he tries intercept my phone calls, my friends tell me, I cuss him out. When he is jealous of my relationship with my daughter, I cuss him out. He can either except that I'm not the type to be controlled and deal with it or he can leave because I'm going to be alright with or without him. You have to get there.