My soon to be mother in law wants to stay at my house for two weeks after the baby is born. She mentioned it months ago and I asked my boyfriend to take care of it, as I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I really want for the baby to get used to me and my boyfriend and his surroundings. She has a way of being really controlling and I've had a few issues with her in the past. One of those people that is "my way or no way," I'm sure you know the type. So, I was talking to her on the phone tonight telling her that I had a few contractions today (37 weeks) and she said "well, I'm going to have to talk to my boss tomorrow about time off." So, I am assuming that this issue hasn't been taken care of. Can I get some advice on how to tell her without her getting upset (which is going to be difficult) that I do not want her here for two weeks? All that it will cause me is added stress.
2007-10-10 19:14:45 · 11 answers · asked by Brooke S 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I agree! He does need to handle this, it would make it so much easier. She lives about 20 minutes away and is insisting on staying at our house, wierd, right?
2007-10-10 19:24:13 · update #1
Does she live close enough where she could visit everyday for an hour or so and help you do stuff but you're not stuck with her all day long? I would suggest something like that to her and you need time to adjust on your own. Your boyfriend really needs to step up and handle this.
2007-10-10 19:21:17 · answer #1 · answered by Precious 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Her feelings are going to get hurt no matter what. She is just as excited as you are about this baby and wants to be as involved as possible. I think the way to break it to her is maybe to tell her that you booked a room at a local hotel for her. When she asks why and says she thought she was staying with you, tell her you were looking forward to spending quiet bonding time with the baby and your boyfriend. Tell her she can come over during the day to help with the baby, but you want nights alone. And as for her being there for TWO weeks, maybe only book 5 or 6 nights at the hotel. Hopefully she will get the hint.
Another way you can help make her realize that YOU, not she, is the center of attention is to maybe not allow her in the labor and delivery room.
2007-10-10 19:27:26 · answer #2 · answered by goshrks07 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
WOW very controling!
Your just gonna have to tell her NO, there is not a way to tell her without hurting her feelings, trust me i've been there!
Just explain to her that you want to do it on your own with your partner and make sure he is there to back you up! And just let her know that if you do need help at any stage you will ask.
You are just gonna have to put your foot down, i know it's going to be hard but at the end of the day either you tell her no or you let her stay for the two weeks but you need to ring her tonight and tell her before she organises time off work cause other wise she will use that as an excuse to stay!
Good luck with bub not much longer now!!
2007-10-10 20:00:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree it is not necessary for her to stay at your home living 20 minutes away.
But just a little food for thought coming from a Grandmother....our grandchildren being born is one of the most precious exciting times of our lives. There is NO other comparison. Your love for them is bottomless and our hearts are so full of joy they almost want to explode. It may be difficult for you moms to understand, but I promise you will once you have your own grandchildren.
Just remember she is excited and happy and means no harm. You need to remember that child is her flesh and blood too. Make her feel important by giving her specific things to do and make her feel appreciated. Let her know where she can help. Also let her have some one on one time with the baby, maybe when you need some much needed sleep. She is doing this all out of love.
2007-10-11 04:21:16 · answer #4 · answered by proud grandma 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to tell her no. This is not your place to do this. First of all if you start off like this where he avoids telling his mom to back off you are in for a life of battle. Bottom line is no matter how or what you say, she's right and your wrong. If her son tells her then she will be OK with it. In addition tell him not to tell his mother you don't want her there. He can say he thinks it's best for the 2 of you to go it alone. It's not necessary for her to take off of work. In addition she lives 20 minutes away and can visit. There is no need for her to stay over.
2007-10-11 02:34:05 · answer #5 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, you're not nuts. Hope your mother in law has money for the dentist as this child's teeth are going to grow in crooked since him sucking on this pacifier will push his teeth back. The problem is that your mother in feels her way is right because she raised a child and you do not have more experience then her. The only way that you are going to resolve this is either pay another babysitter or have your husband speak with her. No matter what you say she is going to do it her way. I am sure she is using the pacifier to quiet the baby. I think your husband is the one who should address his mom on this issue as she will not be so defensive with him and it is his child as well.
2016-05-21 03:43:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. My mother in law is the same way. She wants to be in the room when I have the baby. I told her its my vagina and I don't want you near it. Just tell her that you would like to spend time with your family and you don't have a problem with her visiting but you just want alone time to adjust to family life. If she doesn't get the point then get rude with her. Stand your ground and you may find that she respects you for that if not she will get over it.
2007-10-10 20:12:44 · answer #7 · answered by jakesbell87 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if it was me, I would simply say "I really appreciate the offer, more than you know. I'm afraid, though, that we'll want that time to adjust to life with our baby, and life as a family. We would love for you to visit during the day, or after work, but I just think it would be too much right now to have anyone else staying in our home. After we've all adjusted, we would love to have you come visit for a weekend, though. Thanks again for the offer, it means a lot to me that you want to be involved."
Bottom line, it's your family, and you need to stand up and tell her. It might hurt her feelings a little bit, but just break it to her as gently as possible. It will all work out in the end.
2007-10-10 19:22:43 · answer #8 · answered by Franky 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line this is your child and the experience should be special for you and your boyfriend. I am having the same problems with my soon-to-be mother in law. I had to sit down and have a really honest talk with her. Tell her you don't want to hurt her feelings but that you really want to experience this with just you and her son. She should understand and if she doesn't shame on her. It should be just you two.
2007-10-10 19:19:58 · answer #9 · answered by Naketa 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i dont think there is a nice way, i tried to tell my grandmother that she couldnt be in the delivery room and she got mad and said i didnt love her and blah blah blah so now i havent talked to her in over a month, you can try but it might not work, good luck
2007-10-10 19:37:51 · answer #10 · answered by titanlady062404 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋