Should I be livid?

Question

Because I am...
My father in law just started watching our son while my husband and I work. I gave him many bricks of my frozen breastmilk (about 10 6 oz) with the instructions to feed him those and I included a container of formula that was a free gift sample "In case of emergancy".
I am an avid breastmilk supporter. I frown on giving formula. Yesterday when we picked him up I asked how much milk he used he said "3 breastmilk 3 formula" I balked.
I told him that it was for an emergency. he said "oh"
This morning when I dropped him off again I said pointingly "I do not want him to have formula, I gave you that just in case I do not do my job and bring you enough breastmilk" I said "I would sooner throw it out but it was free and it is for "just in case". He looked me in the eye and said "OK"
This evening my husband picked him up and had a bottle that he brought home from his dads. I nursed my son and then a couple hours later I thought "Well let him finish off this bottle and

then he will fall asleep. I looked carefully at the bottle and noticed that it was more beige and that it did not have a layer of cream on it like breastmilk does when it sits for an hour or so.
I opened the bottle and WHEW ugg.
It had a foul smell, it did not smell at ALL like breastmilk and it had oil droplets in it. It was most definately formula.
Breastmilk has a thick creamyness to it, this was OIL!!!
I am seriously pissed. I gave him thorough instructions and he agreed to my face about the formula.
I am going to drop him off tomorrow and take the remaining formula and dump it

Do you agree?
I mean I gave him explicit instructions.
He is doing what is conveinient for him. Pouring water and scooping rather than taking the time to thaw what I had labored to pump

The thing is I HAVE to work. I owe over 3000 in hospital bills.
We owe family nearly 1000 since I am not working.
I just graduated this spring with my B.S in nutrition and I plan to complete an internship next summer and get my R.D (hence become a registered dietitian). I need to work to get work experience. To get into an internship I need a letter of reference from a dietitian.
I work as a diet assistant at a local hospital, where I work closely with several

I need the experience so I will be good at what I went to school for. Me working will also help my husband who has been under a great deal of stress being the only breadwinner. And you can only go so long paying the minimum payments on all of your credit cards and car payments

My husband is a softy to his old man. A bit too much. He said he would talk to him but I think that he will not make an issue of it.
But my father in law has a dr appt tomorrow and I am leaving him with grandma so I will find out where the formula is an dump it

How have I mistreated my father in law? I have not talked to him yet? I just discovered the second bottle of formula late tonight, I did not call him, it's late...
Being upset with him is not mistreatment, he doesn't even know.
Hell, I know my husband and the way I am going to approach it is tell him that the can is expired and just not give him any more.
he knows my wishes and decided to go against them

I can't threaten to keep the baby away from him...that is cruel. His elderly mom lives with him and she is overjoyed at having our baby over there. She doesn't want him to leave and is excited everytime he is over. He is definately loved by both while he is there, Dad plays with him and grandma cuddles him.
I am upset that he completely disregarded my wishes, he understood that I DID NOT want him to have formula.
It seems emergency is "baby is crying now, dammnit I have to thaw the milk, grrr oh dammnit the formula is quicker"

yes i pumped today and it is in fridge, will go over tomorrow and I will pour it into the damn bottles myself

Answer 1

Yes, I would be extremely livid. I'd tell him either he can follow my restrictions and rules, or he can not see the baby anymore. He's undermining you and messing with your baby's health.

Take the formula and throw it away. And honestly, I'd try to see if there was someone else who could watch your little one. Because if he won't even respect you on this issue, I can't imagine what else he might think is a good idea.

Answer 2

Naturally you should be upset however, he is doing a huge favor for you and before you come off like an ingrate, be creative and see what YOU can do to help the situation. Also, keep in mind that he is a man and does not fully understand how important it is for your baby to be fed your breastmilk.
If it's inconvenience that is causing him to use the formula, then do what you can to make the breast milk easier to serve. Thaw them out before you go to work. Seems easy enough and solves the problem without any hard feelings.
Your only other solution is to find a daycare or babysitter whom you will have to pay a pretty penny for and your little one will miss out on a wonderful loving envioronment that only family can provide. They (your baby and father-in-law) are creating memories and a bond that will last a lifetime and they will indeed share a special relationship. This should put your heart at ease and may shine a little perspective to your formula mishap. While you would prefer breastmilk, the formula isn't going to hurt him. Your baby will surely continue to get all the nutrients he needs, but more importantly is that he is being loved and cherished every moment he is in the care of your father-in-law. You can't buy that kind of care. Find some forgiveness on your part, overlooking this seems to be the right thing to do.

Answer 3

I don't mean to sound rude but you need to nip this in the butt. My in-laws are the same way. First don't say thats your taking the formula away because it's gone bad, he might just go out an buy a new container, then what are you going to say? For all the people who are saying formula is not a big deal. It is a big deal it's a matter of choice and doing what is best for your baby, yes some people can't breast feed but if you can there is not better option. It is really important to let your father-in-law (or have your husbandlet him) know the reasons why you are choosing to use breast milk rather then formula, because my mother-in-law has 4 chilren including my husband and she and her daughters believe that they are the best parents in earth, regardless of what I say. When my son was 6 months old they asked if he could have a cookie. I said no the doctor said he couldn't have them till he was 9months old and crawling, the next week I picked him up and he was sucking on a cookie. You must make it clear before it is too late.

Answer 4

Sounds like you need not only to dump the formula but to also find a new babysitter as soon as you can.
If he will not follow such simple instructions as those then he will not follow other guidelines as the baby grows like to cut juice half in half with water until the baby is two ect..
It is very hard to deal with family when they will not respect your wishes however you are the mother and you really do know whats best for your baby.
besides you don't waste you time pumping for it not to be used.


edit:
this seems to be turning into a working mother verses stay at home so I will add I worked for my 1st childs first year my mother watched her and followed my instructions to the letter if she thought something needed to change we discussed it.
also working mother or not even a stay at home hires a baby sitter every now and then and I want my instructions carried out.

2nd Edit:
if getting a new baby sitter is not an option and he has already had a second container of formula then I don't know how you are going to resolve this issue, one of the ideas posted was to give it to him refrigerated to make it more convenient however it could just be that he is more comfortable not touching breast milk if this is the case then somehow your hubby is going to have to grow a back bone and have a man to man talk with his father that this is important.

Answer 5

Yes, you have a right to be livid, but look at it from his point of view. Number one, you are giving him your breastmilk that is frozen to use, along with a container of formula. The frozen milk needs thawing, and needs to be taken care of to keep it from spoiling. Now for the formula. If it is powdered, no thawing and no speical care. Just add water, mix well, and "serve". If the formula is liquid, even easier; open container, pour it in, warm it a touch, and serve.

I don't think your father-in-law is being unsensitive on purpose, but you have offered him an easy "out" and he used it. It may not be right, but it is what it is: EASY.

I would suggest supplying him with a container of your milk that is already thawed and just needs to be refrigirated. He can then pour it into bottles, heat, and your son gets what you want him to. Make it easier for him to do as you ask, and he may do it. Otherwise, be angry, but also be understanding at the same time. Not all men are "naturals" at taking care of children.

Answer 6

I can understand why you're angry, but know that the formula your father-in-law is giving your son won't hurt him. However, you should sit your father-in-law down and ask him why he keeps giving your son breastmilk. Does he just not like handling it? Is he too impatient to wait for it to thaw? Maybe there's another way to store the breastmilk. I know freshly pumped milk can be stored in the fridge for 24 hours, so maybe pump the night before and bottle it, take it to his house in the morning and have him store it in the fridge. It will still be good all day for your son to drink. Take away the "emergency" formula and give him no choice since you feel so strongly about it.

Answer 7

I see someone doesn't understand that you need money to raise a child. Anyway, you aren't wrong for being upset at your father in law. He is doing you a big favor by watching your son while you work, but it is important to you that he is breast fed. I agree with you. You should get rid of the formula, and only leave breast milk. Do this tactfully though. Realize that while he went against what you asked, he is still doing you a favor. If you find yourself getting upset while you drop your son off, say to yourself, "I am thankful for the help. This won't be problem anymore. I am thankful for the help."

Also, thank your father in law. Even if you are upset. It will not only make him feel better, it will make you feel better! And being a new mommy, we all know that is VERY important!!!

Answer 8

I would be pissed too, but chalk it up to different parenting styles. Toss the remaining formula and for your FIL's convenience and your peace of mind, thaw out some breastmilk overnight so that you can give your FIL a supply of thawed ready to drink milk each morning. Breastmilk will be okay for 24 hours after thawing, so it should last fine.

Answer 9

You have a right to be upset, but Grandpa deserves respect, too. I say find another sitter instead of yelling at your FIL and getting angry. If you can't find one, stay home with your son. You can always pay back your hospital bills gradually. After all, you can't be sued over medical bills, and they can't go on your credit report. What's more important - your son's health and development, or a paycheck? Think about it. If you want things done your way, you usually have to do it yourself. You also get what you pay for - and I doubt Grandpa is charging for his services. What a sweet guy.

Answer 10

You COULD be...-but it wouldn't do you any good. So I wouldn't bother. It's important to keep the PEACE with your Relatives... So if you REALLY want to have someone follow your EXACT Instructions about HOW to feed your Son- then find ANOTHER babysitter. You're getting "something for nothing" by having your father-in-law watch Him... -but the reality IS, you're STILL going to pay some kind of a "Price"- for THAT privilege... That's JUST the way it is...

Answer 11

Don't try to control your father-in-law's behavior. If you don't want him to feed his grandson baby formula, just don't take formula over there. He's got no reason to get all involved in your philosophy of baby feeding. He's not doing anything to harm the child, fer chrissakes.

You are the parent. However, you will never have complete control over your son, because you cannot treat other adults as if they were idiots or slaves simply because they are trying to help you raise your children.

Word to the wise: Back off mistreating your father-in-law. Make the time he spends with your son fun for both of them for your son's sake. If you build resentment in your father-in-law, it'll only come back to hurt you.