My husband and I attend a southern baptist church. I've not been to a baptist church since I was a young kid. I've been non denominational. I'm not sure why I dislike our church so much. I loved it when we first started going there. One of my biggest problems right now is probably that my husband is so involved I feel like it's taking too much time away from us. We both work and his job is an hour away so he's away from home for 11 hours every day. I work a few evenings. I work at a christian bookstore so the only time I'm guarenteed to be home which is wednesday night and sunday, he's busy at church. He plays in a band that is working with the youth and I feel like what he's doing is important but I hate that he's gone all day long on sunday. He does a small group with the band then a small group with the youth band then the band practices. I hate it! What should I do?
2007-10-10 17:44:28 · 13 answers · asked by Marci S 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Um talk to him that usually helps.
2007-10-10 17:47:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the church life is taking away from your family, then it is a problem. Talk to your husband about how you feel. Ask him to re-evaluate his priorities. Pray that he realizes that it isn't what he does that makes him a Christian but how he lives his life (I'm assuming he's already made a profession of faith). You know, being overly involved in church activities can actually damage your spiritual life. Also, I'd suggest that after he hopefully pulls back from some of his church commitments that you could find a way to serve as a family within the church. I don't think this is a reason to leave the church. You'd feel more connected as a couple if you could find a way to serve together.
I believe being happy as a part of a church body is 25% your like of the worship style, 25% what you feel you learn and gain from attending, and 50% how you give back to the church by being plugged in to some type of ministry.
Are you good with kids? Volunteer with the children. Like to take pictures? Offer to photograph special services and new members. Like to decorate? Volunteer for the wedding committee or something similar. Since you work in a bookstore maybe you can offer to help with the church library. Finding what you like will make you more comfortable there, but finding what you both like and can do together will be incredible! I hope you reach that point!
2007-10-10 19:14:30 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him and ask him why it's so important that he spend so much time withe the youth band, and not with you.
If he was working two jobs to pay down a lot of debt or something, then that's entirely different. But he is married to you, and he spends all day Sunday with the youth band.
He needs to explain why the band (to which he is NOT married) is more important than his wife.
There are 168 hours in each week. He spends 55 hours commuting or at work. He spends 6-8 hours on Sunday alone with the youth band. How many hours do you spend together each week?
2007-10-10 17:54:24 · answer #3 · answered by Tom-SJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If talking to to your husband isn't working (and sometimes it doesn't) try talking to the pastor.
Let the pastor know that the heavy involvement in church activities is causing a problem in your marriage. A more limited schedule is appropriate for your situation. Any pastor who is worth his salt will put a healthy marriage above multiple church activities. The pastor can then have a discussion with your husband. If the pastor doesn't see it that way - then yes it is time to leave the church because that would be indicative of messed up priorities.
Very often a spouse will listen to someone else, but not the one they are married to. It sometimes takes a respected other person to break the impasse.
2007-10-10 18:04:04 · answer #4 · answered by BlueEyedWoman000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak with him and ask what his priorities are in a sincere method. That you are concerned he may no longer love you or he is uncomfortable working in his own community for fear of being judged for whatever reason. Let him know that you admire his dedication and commitment to others needs but that you have needs and you miss him. Compromise should always be an option to make any marriage work or be comfortable for both of you. Maybe a Christian marriage weekend retreat is the answer. It will put the two of you together away from the hustle and bustle of your regular lives and allow for open discussions without any finger pointing. Work on the strengths you both can offer to your marriage. I hope you find the happiness you desire.
2007-10-10 18:22:53 · answer #5 · answered by Bear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi Marci, I had a similar difficulty with my husband. We belonged to a small church and he took the interest of juvenile director. This coated weekly conferences, campouts on weekends and different events. It changed into taking further and extra time faraway from the relatives. We did finally end up replacing church homes which gave somewhat alleviation. yet, now he's not inquisitive about something church correct. If I had the alternative back...i could say enable him be in contact. It turned right into somewhat more desirable at the same time as i changed into in contact with him in those events as long as there have been no conflicts. have you ever seen being in contact also...with him? you understand....in case you are able to't lick them...connect them?? except that....purely be prematurely and talk with him. tell him the way it makes you experience. I favor you the very wonderful and could pray that God provides you you with understanding. e mail in case you may favor to talk. † On-call Prayer Warrior †
2016-10-09 00:22:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you two need to get your priorities straight.
Basically, he isn't available to you, and that is a marriage killer. Is he just plain avoiding you?
Talk to him and ask the hard questions.
You may need a marriage counselor to pull it all out into the open.
Maybe you two can find a place to live that is closer to his job, which will cut the commute time.
Perhaps you can change your schedule at the bookstore.
Get him to drop some of his activities.
How about a "date night"?
2007-10-10 17:56:34 · answer #7 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you going for god right , he,s in all church as for me some are ok and some %$$#^**&&^^^ and some tell him you feel closer to the lord and if not ,one thing if you can,t stand together you will not be husband and wife to long you must pull as one, tell him you need me time with him and you come first,,
2007-10-10 18:15:07 · answer #8 · answered by rocketman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk with him & talk with your minister let them know he is so busy at work & church your not getting the attention you need, the bible says "husbands love your wife as christ loved the church" Christ gave his life for the church. he should be giving his all to you as well . he sounds like a good man talk to him.
2007-10-10 18:01:56 · answer #9 · answered by mitchey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him that you're lonely for him, you miss him, and that you value this other work that he does. However, he is neglecting his key--and God-blessed--relationship. I don't know that changing churches is the answer. If he won't hear you, ask him if he'll go to couples counseling. If he won't go, you go without him.
2007-10-10 17:53:20 · answer #10 · answered by stoneinthestream 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you need to talk to him. First, search your heart to see if your being selfish. But, if the ministry is taking him away from his family then he needs to know and hopefully he'll respond lovingly.
2007-10-10 17:52:31 · answer #11 · answered by ellen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋