pregnant daughter?

Question

okay I am asking for gentle answers here, not abuse LOL.

Okay to put it as much in a nutshell as I can, my 17 year old daughter is pregnant. I have come out of my "coma" about a month ago LOL and am dealing with it, but I have to tell my dad who I cannot really make anybody understand how he is and it would take more time than anybody has to have me explain. To put it mildly he is very reserved, religious, opiniated, very much mind set 1940s. I am not able to bring myself to tell him. I want to hide it from him, but that feels wrong to me, but I am afraid he is going to have a heart attack, he had surgery a few years back for heart problems, he is very weak in his older years, and I know you may think I am exagerating, but I am not, he may have a health issue after this revelation. I also am afraid of him giving it to me good. I know at my age I should not feel this way, but it is true. I have no more room to write, but any advice would be appreciated. Thanks guys!

Answer 1

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....................

I would think that before 9 months is up he might have a sense that there is a baby on the way....

or u could just tell him its God's plan

GL

Answer 2

That is an uncomfortable and sensitive situation. I know I would feel it difficult under the same circumstances. I think you can perhaps take a leaf from your daughter's book - she had the courage and confidence to tell you, knowing that deep down you do love her and would help her - now it is your turn Mom, to be brave and tell your father. Perhaps you can word it very senstively in such a way that he can perhaps even see it as the positive side of having a beautiful little great grandbaby to love. I would probably go and spend some time with him. Talk to him about how you really appreciate and respect he is always been there for you - his faith in God and his strong values and ideals. Then say to him that you have something that is worrying you that you want to share with him. I would then gently introduce the situation by saying that you want him to have something very special to look forward to, but it is not in a way that is the best and you want him to be open minded and please be thoughtful of (your daughter). Then break the news she is expecting a baby. Now, who knows if there will be a storm, or if he will blow up with anger, or what - he may be accepting and surprise you! You may want to cry - don't get angry back at him. If you need to, just say, I wanted to let you know, I will go now and go home.

Be brave - I don't envy you this task - but you can do it.

Answer 3

Sounds like your father is the strictest and in his own little world where it was his way or the highway. To maybe break it to him in the most gentle way, you're gonig to have to somehow sit him down and start talking about how the generation now has begun to "mature" at an earlier rate. There is no easy way to go about this, but either way hiding it wont work because 9 months later a little baby will be introduced into the family... and before that the stomach of your daughter will be unconcealable. However, if you do plan on hiding your daughter for 9 months and avoid telling your father overall, then maybe adoption would have to be... But I say you'd have to sit him down, start off with having him agree with young people being immature.. than maybe possibly bring up your daughter... but not so fast. Maybe tell him she has a bf... next time mention you see that your daughter and the bf is very close... and then maybe bring up lastly that your daughter is pregnant because by then he'd of already have that idea (assuming he's opinionated.. and two teens being in a relationship probably means accidents can happen)... so in taht way by the time you tell your father, he'd of already been kind of expecting it. Good luck !

Answer 4

Well what I see here is a father and daughter that have come to terms on a situation. That is very important for you both to have done.. grampa is another thing altogether.. You might hold off until after the baby is born if you don't see him often that is .. or you might invite him out to dinner and simply tell him gently.. like it or not he will end up knowing about it soon enough, better it comes from you.. I am sure he might understand just a bit more than you give him credit for and if he loves your daughter I think he is going to love his great grandchild too. If he is religious as you say, it might also be a good idea to ask your pastor, priest or whatever advice on how to handle this ..Being opinionated you might have to hear him out that is a given, but as far as his health is, I really don't think this will affect his health.. besides you are the Dad here and you came to terms with it.. that is what matters.. and he can only give it to you good (as you say) if you let him.. Face him and get it done!!

Answer 5

I am guessing that you are talking about the childs great grandfather. It is really not his place to put his two cents in on this issue, this is your daughter and she is almost an adult to begin with. Plus in the 1940s a lot of people were geting married at 18 and pregnant at 19 so shes not that far off. I would just call him and tell him over the phone and let him deal with the way he acts. Above all stand up for your daughter and support her if he trys to put her down in anyway, the last thing she needs to be worried about right now is her opiniated grandfather.

Answer 6

Basically, I think you just have to sit him down and tell him. Also, tell him that you are not needing any advice or assistance, just that you want him to know he will be a great-grandfather soon. Try not to worry about what he will say to you, you are a grown up and can deal with that. As for the heart and health issues, he should be alright. Surgery was a while ago and he should be fine in that respect. All-in-all you should try not to stress too much, your daughter needs your help more now and you should be more concerned with that situation than with what your father thinks. Good luck and (not that you feel too great about it right now, but...) congratulations ; )

Answer 7

Your first priority should be helping your daughter deal with this pregnancy. The way you respond to things right now will set the stage for your future with your daughter! If you let her down or throw her to the "wolves", (your dad's disapproval), you may badly damage your relationship with her.

I do believe you about your Dad, it's just a shame he can't be more loving; we need love more when we fail than when all is great.

I'd recommend thinking of a plan of appoach, memorizing what you wish to say and thinking of all the negative things he might say so you can plan how to respond, not react to his drama. With the approaching holidays you will not be able to conceal things for long. You may want to get the first "firestorm" over before the holidays arrive so he can cool off before any family gatherings, you know what I mean????

You may need to just let him blow off steam, BUT you don't have to let his opinions break you down. Bottom line: You are not to blame for your daughter's pregnancy. You are also not responsible for his heart condition and you cannot prevent his heart trouble. Tell him as gently as you can and just let it be what it is. If he is truly a Christian, the Bible clearly teaches him to love, forgive, not judge. You are not able to control him or his opinions, so don't waste energy on it.

I'd recommend you look around for some support, from some source you can trust. Be good to yourself so you have some resources to deal with your daughter lovingly.

This is not the end of life on earth. :) (although it may feel like it now)!!!!!!! Your will get through this.

I wish I could comfort you; I haven't gone through this challenge, but my children have done a few things that just about broke my heart for a time.

God Bless you and your family as you grow through these challenges. If you have a Bible, this would be a good time to read the book of Psalms. It will encourage you and help you see God is there when you hurt or fear.

Answer 8

when my mother was pregnate with me this was a huge concern of her's as well. But it was more how telling her parents would go. But since the 1940's even your father would have to admit that people have become alot more liberated. While your daughter and you both have probably made some mistakes, your father shoudl be proud that you came forward to him and told him this. And he should be proud of his granddaughter for choosing to have the baby and own up to the responsibility of having a child, so many people choose easy ways out. while the initial shock of it im sure will get to him a little, he should be understanding, and proud of his family and be there for you as much as possible.

Answer 9

this is a dilemma. is there any way your daughter can go through her pregnancy without her grandfather knowing? it seems at the moment this is one of the easiest things to do that would satisfy everyone and not pose a risk to your father.

I completely understand about him having health problems. My grandmother (im a teen) is in late stages of dementia ='[ and if any health problems were to arise with any of her kids or grandchildren we would have to hide it from her. it just isnt worth the pain it would cause her or us, watching her confused over it.

good on you for accepting your daughters pregnancy. I am 17 and i would much appreciate my parents accepting something big that happened in my life, although i am faaaar from getting pregnant.

This is a big decision only you can make, but it seems the only way to deal with the situation is to hide it from your father. Up until the late stages of the pregnancy your daughter can probably still see your father, with the help of disguising clothes. However in the last couple of months, a white lie =[ would have to be used... she is on holidays interstate, sick in hospital, etc.

i am sorry youre in this situation, it cant be easy. Best of luck to you and your daughter :)

xx

Answer 10

Hi ,
I can relate to your situation. I have been through this with one of my daughters. You will have to tell your dad. I know it is scary but try to be as honest and gentle as you can. Tell him you both need him to be there for you very much. I hope this helps and good luck ..I hope everything turns out for you and your daughter.

Answer 11

okay so kinda know where your at. my mom went through it with me. i got pregnant at 13 and she had a really difficult time telling my grandpa.i think you should tell him. he needs to know the truth. its a big deal but these things happen i would make sure shes there when you do.He is a grown man he should be able to handle it just ease in to the conversation.hope this helps