My brother-in-law is a widower with 2 grown kids and a new girlfriend, who is a ex-nun. He loves baking, decorating, shopping for clothes and shoes, going to wedding and baby showers, and most things feminine. He has had his gay friend spend the night (in his bed) although he acts grossed out if you tease him about anything having happened. He has gone to gay parades and gay bars. His gay friends have teased him that he needs to come out of the closet. His gay son found gay porn in hidden in his bedroom. The most straight thing he does is his monthly poker party with the guys. I honestly believe he may be , but is in denial. He keeps his girlfriend at a safe distance, although she still doesn't seem to get it. I think she may be too in love with him and in denial, too. I wish he'd come out of the closet. He is always so stressed and conflicted over everything. He can't take a stand on anything either. Is there any way to help him?
2007-10-10 16:48:19 · 4 answers · asked by luvbug 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Okay, this man is gay, no matter what angle you look at it from.
Gay parades (not likely) + gay friend spend the night in his bed (can be interpreted different ways.) + love for shopping, shoes, baking, decorating, weddings and such (somewhat likely, though the same can be said for metrosexuals.) + FINDING GAY PORN UNDER HIS BED! (Do I really need to answer this?) = HES. GAY!
Okay, now that we have that cleared up, we now know he's in denial. This can be dealt with easily if it's done right. First off, he should not encounter and/or confront any sort of christian group for this. The denial seems to have sunk in pretty deep. If he comes in contact with anyone who is christian about this, chances are they'll only put him down more by giving him all of this "God didn't want you to be that way!" cr*p. By the girlfriend being an ex-nun, does that mean she's given up the whole Christianity gig, or does she still believe in the old fart? If so, its best she didn't know about this.
We can't just force out the roots. It'll take a little time, probably.
Considering the gay porn under his bed, he must realize that he has sexual attraction to guys. He therefore, must have some thought about him being gay or bi already. If its denial were dealing with, its really just coming to terms with it and accepting it himself. You need to encourage him to confront it on his own, but at the same time, you have to be there for him, whether you're gay or not. He is still (I'm guessing) your brother-in-law and friend. You need to be there to support him.
Tell him that there is nothing wrong with it, and its comletely normal (since it is after all.). Its something he can't run away from, no matter how much he tries. He'd might as well admit it to himself now, and embrace it, otherwise he could become miserable for the rest of his life. We know he's not going to want that. Also tell him not to buy anythin about conversion/reparative therapy. It's bs. Also, if you need to fully understand what he's going through to support him, I suggest you look through the site I posted in the sources section. The site will also explain why conversion therapy is total bs. If he still has trouble with accepting it, you could also have him go there so he can know who he actually is, therefore making it easier to come clean with himself. Good luck.
2007-10-10 22:17:37 · answer #1 · answered by Kiefer H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, im gay myself, and im kinda in the same situation. My straight roomate is very open minded, when i have my gay friends over and i do tease him about being a closeted bi sexual. we have messed arround in the past tho and i walk around the house nude many times and he doesent seem to mind but you just got to let him be who he wants to be but if it is hurting the relationship he has to tell her. if not dont pressure or tease him
2007-10-10 16:58:07 · answer #2 · answered by michael t 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you people always want to get people out of their closet? Aren't they free to choose? Maybe they feel warmer there.
Give the closet a fair chance, will you?
2007-10-10 16:53:33 · answer #3 · answered by Luís Santos 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he is as out as anyone I know he goes to gay bars that is saying he agrees with their life style...leave him be he is private and so you should be..and here you put all of his business out here he would have your scalp if he knew...lol
2007-10-10 17:02:48 · answer #4 · answered by ღOMGღ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋