To lie or not to lie? That is the question.?

Question

Ok. Here it goes:
I'm 25 and I'm in an adulterous relationship. I am single, he is married. Next week is my birthday and we want to celebrate it together (a few days before my the actual birthday). We are planning on staying overnight. My mom knows about him, isn't too happy but we talk about it. Should I tell her I am going to be with him? or should I tell her I'm sleeping over at a friend's house?

Please no judgemental answers. I love my mother dearly and I'm in love with him.

Answer 1

first off your 25 so you don't need permission to do anything... i wouldnt tell her anything unless she ask you. but i wouldnt lie about it either

Answer 2

Okay, you asked for non-judgment, but seriously girlfriend, this will all come back to you when you are married someday and your husband comes home late one night.

We women have enough problems without making it worse for each other. As for mom, show some respect, and while you're at it, show some for yourself as well.

Sorry, I guess it's pretty hard not to judge.

Okay so it's 11 hours later...I actually couldn't sleep at 2 o'clock in the morning and I was thinking about your situation. Sorry if I sounded like an ogre last night. Lemme try this again:

If you have had to agonize about what to tell your mom, I have the feeling you will not enjoy your birthday plans. It sounds like you truly do love your mother, so I suspect lying to her would make you feel bad, or you might feel bad either way because somewhere in there, you feel what you are doing is not right. I had this really sad vision of you sitting on the edge of a hotel room bed, crying and telling your Mr. how fun this birthday present was and how you wish the two of you could have your own place, maybe be married yourselves and not have to sneak around. Perhaps you've already had a scene like that. He will put up with these episodes, maybe comfort you and tell you he loves you, but he won't make any change. As long as you're willing to be around on the side, why would he.

Why not give yourself the best birthday present you possibly could right now and end this relationship? I know it will be very hard because you really do love him. But once you get through it, I'm telling you you will feel so strong, so proud of yourself and so, so happy for yourself. You are currently just putting off the pain (and it will get harder the longer this continues). Do something truly good for yourself and let this birthday be a brand new start for you. Then go to dinner somewhere with your mom for your birthday. She will be happy to see her daughter growing up and taking care of herself, even if she has eyes puffy from crying for the time being :)

Good luck to you. I know it will all work out for you in the end.

Answer 3

You're 25 do whatever you want your an adult. My biggest concern is why are you 25 and still living at home. If you are going to have adulterous affairs act like an adult. You seem immature. If you love you mother dearly do her a favor and move out. Your poor mother doesn't deserve all the drama you put her through.

Answer 4

Very simply...lying is never an option. It comes with too many negatives. It becomes difficult keeping lies straight. It tends to make any situation worse. There is absolutely no gain in lying. Once a lie is discovered, it can negatively affect one's opinion.
There's too many reasons in favor of a truth, and against a lie.
A lie will never improve any situation.
It sounds as tho you have an open relationship with your mom.
She's not happy about the situation. But obviously she accepts your decisions. You're an adult and have the right to make your own choices. But once you begin to lie about those choices, then it's time to reconsider the reason behind the lie.

Answer 5

I say always tell the truth because it is so hard to remember a lie.One leads to another and so on and so on.Tell the truth you will be happier you did.I hope also that you get out of the other relationship you have.It is not fair to the other partner.If you say you love this other guy then you should be honest with everyone involved.I just went through this stuff and I can only say I went to Walmart so many times in a week.

Answer 6

Well there's no sense in lying to your mother.

And sweetie, if he's cheating on his wife, what makes you think he's not cheating on you (or wont in the future)? Sure he may tell you about how his wife's a cow, doesn't ever want any sex, and whatever else he can think up but he's telling you a song and dance to get you into bed. He'll use up your youth until you're too old to find yourself a regular single guy to marry. Spend your birthday with people who aren't lying cheating scumbags.

Answer 7

well i won't judge because i did the same type of thing in the past, if your mom already knows about it, go ahead and tell her the truth. As far as messing with a married man, take it from someone who has been there, you will just be the other woman, as much as they say they dont love there wives, and they are going to leave them, it is not true. They are having there cake and eating it too, just know you will not have a fulfiling relationship until you let this one go.

Answer 8

I absolutely do not advocate lying, but you are an adult and you do not owe your mother or anybody else for that matter any answers on what you do with your life. It's sad you would need to make something up just to not cause conflict, but if that's the way it must be, then so be it. By the way, I agree with saying you are spending time with a friend. It won't be a lie.

Answer 9

Run far away from this married man. Why on earth do you want his wife's seconds? Adultery is a sin that comes with dire consequences, you have free will to commit this evil sin, but you can not decide the consequences. What you are doing can be fatal. That is if he wife finds out, she may just kill you and him. Regardless, God is going to get you!

His head must be so big he can hardly get through the swinging doors between her and you. How you cheapen yourself. He is getting his cake and eating it too.

Answer 10

You may be in love with him, but he isn't in love with you. If he cared about you he would have left his wife BEFORE beginning the adulterous relationship with you. Does he have kids? Do you believe all the b.s. he tells you about how his wife doesn't do it for him?

As to your mom, I think you should lie, and here is why: first, one more sin hardly makes a difference, and second, at least your mom can pretend that you aren't doing the wrong thing and have a nice night.

Answer 11

Here's an answer for you.The best thing you can do is follow your heart.I am sure that you have a wonderful relationship with your mom and I am happy to see this.Many parents are not happy to see their child making a mistake no parent ever is.We want our children to learn from them and then do what is right in the end. I am sure you are mature for your age just think about it and make the right one for yourself and those that love you.Lying never gets yoiu anywhere just makes things worse in the end.Please think about this advice I have lied one to many times and it about killed the relationship I have with my family. Follow your heart and be true to yourself.