Should I stay in my marraige?

Question

I have been with my husband for 12 yrs. and married for 8 yrs. He cheated on me with a married women who is now divorced. We are in our fifties. He says he has love for me but not sure if he is in love. He is lusting this other women with 2 small children. She is 32 yrs old. They been having an affair for 6 months.

He left a week ago because I caught him. He has proposed a plan to come home and stay in the other room so we can re-aquaint our selves. But we can go and do as we like but no dating. If we go back it will be 150 percent married. Should I do this or not?

Answer 1

If you really thought you should go back with him you wouldn't be asking us. I think you already know what you want to do. Don't forget the three As of divorce!
Abuse
Adultery
Alcoholism (or drug dependency)
Have courage, I know it is hard. Do what you know to be best. Do what you would advise your very best friend in the world to do. Then you'll know it is the right decision. Good luck!♥

Answer 2

Once a cheater always a cheater. It is extremely rare that someone who cheats stops cheating. Now I don't have his side of the story and don't know if there are other issues going on here (there usually are). But I wouldn't take him back under any conditions.

Love isn't just a feeling. It's also ACTION. My ex-fiancee told me she loved me after I caught her with another man. I simply laughed in her face. Words are meaningless, actions are everything. Face it. He wanted the hotter, younger woman, saw an opportunity and he got caught. If you never caught him he'd still be having an affair or he'd find someone else.

Now, if you're honest about everything and you have some part in this (such as excessive naggging, refusing to have sex, etc.) then going to a marriage counselor might be a good idea. But if you're totally faultless then I'd dump him. I know dating again won't be easy, but staying with someone who lies and cheats isn't a good alternative. Only you know the real answer on what to do here.

If he says "no" to a marriage counselor then that's the equivalent of him telling you that he doesn't want to make this work and that's a HUGE sign to leave him.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. But it's better to know about this now than when you're in your 60s or 70s......

Rod

Answer 3

That sounds sketchy, what your husband is proposing. To me, it doesn't sound like he's totally over his mistress.

I am a newlywed of 2 years, so if I was in your shoes...I'd say forget it and divorce! But the fact that you were with this man for most of your life, it's hard to divorce him even if he did go astray. Your vow did say through for better or for worse. It's just a shame he never thought about how you would feel when he commit infidelity.

So the best way to figure out how to answer your question is....if you were the one to cheat on him and proposing the same idea, what would he do? You know him best, if he would forgive you and go back 150%, then do that. If you know he'll be mad at you and never let you back to his life, then I suggest you should do the same.

Answer 4

well, he's a dirty dog. But it seems many people in the so-called "Kali-Yuga Age" have lost there way and are being very selfish.

What do you want? Do you love him enough or do you get enough perks to have him back? Are they worth the arrangement he is offering? Maybe temporarily?
*You could keep him in the other room while you start joining meetups.com groups, like meditation groups or singles groups, etc...then when the time is right "bye-bye" to doggy man!

Or depending on your emotional and financial situation, you could also just make a clean cut and say "bye" now and get your alimony!!!

It's hard to say not knowing your background.

You deserve better though, I'd really consider going for the alimony, taking care of yourself, and getting out.
*But in the end, make a list of good and bad to both and you'll have a good idea.

Answer 5

Sorry to say this, but that does not sound like much of a marriage. He has obviously choosen to lose your trust in your marriage with him. No he cannot be trusted again. Even though you two are married or will go back to normal, he probably will repeat the same thing. You need to start trusting your own instincts and think about your own life.

Answer 6

I think I would at least try this since it was his suggestion! There are some things that need clarification, however. What does "do as we like" mean, exactly? Even if he stays in another room, how will this change your relationship and make it better? You say no dating...I think you should date each other and get re-acquainted! I also think you should be guided by a marriage counsellor in this endeavor. How will you be able to trust him if everyone can do as they please? Has he stated unequivocally that he will not see this other woman again? It sounds like a good plan that needs to be re-written.

Answer 7

I think everybody deserves a second chance, but I Didn't like
reading that he has love for you, instead of I love you,and only
you. If I was you I would tell him It has to be only me. He would
have to choose. I have been married 26 years. I told my
husband if I ever caught him cheating that would be the end
of our marriage. So far he has been faithful. Sorry this is
happening to you. I will pray that God will give you peace.

God bless!!!

Answer 8

No....He doesn't respect you or his vows to you before God.
1 affair (adultery) = divorce.

Sounds like she won't take him in but, he still wants freedom to see her and it is less expensive for him to share the rent with you, than for him to have to get a place of his own.

You deserve better that this. Tell him it's 100% or nothing. You are still young enough meet someone who will really love you. Love yourself enough not to put up with this treatment.

Answer 9

Kick him to the curb! Divorce him and get half of everything, half his retirement and alimony.
Don't let him back in the house. Don't let him walk all over you. Don't let him blame this on you either, it is squarely on him.

What a crock doesn't know if he is in love, that tells it, he isn't. When people are in love with some one they know it. You are not his sister just to be loved, you are his wife, but hopefully not for long. What a dog!

Answer 10

Only you can answer this question but in your shoes, hell yes, he wouldn't see me again except in court. I will never allow myself to be cheated on as I will never cheat on my spouse. We all would like an "upgrade" in our love lifes, but an affair is not love, as you said it's lust. In the end, that's all of our motivations for staying monogomous, Love. If he can't even say he's in love with you, then find someone who is.
Hope all turns out well.