I've been married for 4 years. We have 2 young kids and he has a 7 year old from his first marriage. We were married after only two months of dating, but we knew each other all through grade and high school. He had me so in love with him, I was sure he was it. Turns out, a lot of what he told me were things he knew I wanted to hear. The first 3 years were hell for me. We fought all the time. He has changed a lot the last year, but I can't seem to forget all the hurt he's caused me. Plus, a lot of people question his sexuality. Including his ex wife. Now all I think about is a life with someone who has the same likes, wants, and desires. He has no friends, no hobbies, no desire to vacation. All he wants to do is work and take care of kids. He's great around the house, but I know in my heart we don't belong together. We don't make each other happy, and I work 7 days a week so I don't have to be around him or his daughter any more than I have to be. Do I stay for the kids?
2007-10-10 16:07:33 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Never stay in an unhappy relationship for the sake of your children. Your personal unhappiness will have a much more damaging effect on your children than your divorce ever could. Children want to see their parents happy. They feel responsible for making their parents happy, and believe me, they know when you aren't, no matter how good you think you are hiding the truth from them. If you stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of your children, I believe you will be causing them more emotional harm than if you divorced. They will feel responsible for your sacrifice, and this puts tremendous pressure on a child.
Your job as a parent is to know what's best for your child, whether or not your child agrees with your decision. Yes, your children will cry when you tell them you are getting divorced, but as they grow older and learn to see you as people, and not just parents, they will develop compassion for your situation and understanding about your decision. They will realize that you were not just doing it for your own good, but for theirs as well.
You owe it to your children to work very hard on your marriage, and do everything you can to make it work. But if you come to the point where you realize that the marriage cannot work, then you owe it to your children to separate from your partner, and free yourself to find the love you deserve, and the relationship they can one day look up to.
ravishingV
2007-10-10 16:32:38 · answer #1 · answered by ravishingV 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You knew he wasnt right for you when you married him but because you felt alone and unloved and wanted to feel needed , appreciated and loved you over looked what your head was already telling you and now your paying the price for attempting to wear rose coloured glasses.
If he is that much of an @zzhole then leave . If your marriage is that bad it is effeting your kids in a bad way and in order for you to be a responsible parent then get out and start raising them the right way , do NOT get involved with anyone else because your only going to make yourself more miserable , divorce is like a death both to the divorcing parties and the children of the marriage grieving time is needed in situations like this so no more childish garbage fantasy land crap be an adult and be responsible for your children.
HOW EVER!
If he is a decent father and decent , loving caring man and your just bored so making up lies to justify you wanting out instead of placing all your wasted emotions on trying to keep yourself attached to this marriage and man then do not be so irresponsible as to remove these poor children from a life their happy with to satisfy your own selfishness , because wether you wish or choose to believe it or not if you take them away from a happy home the person they will despise is you and it will be you they walk away from when they are 13/14 and they'll live with their dad and pretend they dont know you.
So there's both sides of the coin , think long and think hard because youth drug addiction and alcaholism is rife amongst divorced children.
The grass is NOT greener on the other side.
2007-10-10 23:49:50 · answer #2 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No don't stay for the kids thats what we were taught way back when but as you see life isn't that way.. And today many kids come from divorced family's even doctors have said that its not good for the children to stay in a unhappy marraige as they see what happens and can do damage on them. so in the end your ruining just not your own life and husbands but theres...
It worry's me when you said your staying away from him by working 7 days a week. So there isn't any love left for you. and your onlyu going through the motions. but what is sad here is your holding him and you back from another life you both could be having. it does neither of you good by pretending to be the cleavers ( tv show) You both could be living happier lives with other mates or just being on your own.
What your doing now is holding both each other back and neither one is happy. Sound like you will have to make the first step and set him free as well as yourself.
Theres no sense staying in a marraige where you both dont' care but only go through the motions. LIfe is short.
Good luck to you both
2007-10-11 02:27:14 · answer #3 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I stayed married to a man who was in love with me, or so he said and acted like it, and who I was not even attracted to physcially, but felt sorry for. I was married to him for almost 31 yrs. and we had two great kids..He suddenly decided he wanted a divorce after all those years, and I said "there's the door". I was a good wife and mother and made the best of the marriage all those years. But, long and short of it, he found somebody else (married her in 2006). I could care less but I'm not young anymore and I really don't want to spend the rest of my life totally alone. I've dated some, but most my age are either really old looking and unattractive to me, or just jerks. I try to stay as young looking and attractive as possible, but chances are that I will spend the rest of my life alone. So, it is possible to stay with someone who isn't right for you, but if the toad wants to hit the road, there's not much can be done. Maybe u should try some marriage counseling. It might help. If not, then the big D is in your future too I guess. Good Luck..
2007-10-10 23:30:46 · answer #4 · answered by Joanie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely not! Get the heck away from him honey. Listen. Me and my husband have been together 22 years (married for 8) and he's made many changes. He used to be a real B--. I won't go into detail about that, I'm sure it's nothing many haven't heard before, but I really feel that we, and our children could of been so much happier if I'd only aloud myself to follow my gut feelings in the first 1 1/2 years together. I absolutely knew he wasn't right and stayed anyway. Maybe for our son (now 2 sons together) or maybe because I continued to be just as vulnerable as I was when we met. Six months into the relationshiip< I got pregnant. Didn't really know him to well, but wasnt' about to abored my baby.
He was very persistant and pushy. He'd actually make things tougher for me when I told him to get out. It was a nightmare. I've learned since then that this was/is a learned behavior from my childhood and also learned that I'm codependant. (Read "Co-dependant No More", it's a great book ). Focus on you and your children. The older they get, the harder it is to break away, as you'll then find yourself saying, "Well, maybe I'll just stay with him anyway and try my best to work things out and be patient with him , because after all, he's the childrens father. Bull crap! He can be just as much a dad to them living outside your home as he can be living inside it. Don't make the mistake I made. I've shed many tears through the years. Spent many restless nights. He was a SOB when he felt like it, and many times cause he thought I'd just become so dependant on him. This is partly true but not intentional on my part. He made life tougher along the way. Harder than it should of been. If he loves his children then it won't matter where he lays his head at night, it won't stop him from being a DAD! After all these years , me and the husband still argue. Ask yourself, did you really have children to expose them to that kind of lifestyle? I don't think so. Listen, men can be like children sometimes (many times with this guy) who never grew up. Ask yourself. Do you want to raise 4 children, instead of your 2 and the 3rd, OR, how about a husband that knows how to take on the role of being a husband and not confuse this role with the role of being a father. Ask yourself, what influence do I want my children to grow up with (or around)in order to be happy, successful, caring, loving, human beings. Growing up with arguing going on all the time isn't going to allow for this kind of lifestyle. Believe me. If I knew what I know now, back in the day, I'd of been much happier and content with my life now. Don't make that mistake. People are different, yes, BUT, life happens and things can get very hard without a lot of love and happiness in the home already. Life's gonna happen. What makes the difference is how you handle it together.
I don't know your name but will pray for your situation and that God gives you the insight, courage and strength to move forward with your life in the most positive way, for you and your children (especially). They will live what they learn! God Bless you all.
2007-10-11 00:09:13 · answer #5 · answered by Dorothy G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids can pick up on things VERY easily. They'll know you're unhappy at a young age. I don't know how young your kids are, but I can guarantee you they will figure it out eventually. If you're unhappy, how can you provide a happy environment for your children? It's better to get out and live your life. You don't need a marriage that doesn't provide you with the satisfaction you and your children deserve. Divorce is difficult, but I'm sure it's even harder to stay with someone you have no desire to be with.
2007-10-10 23:18:05 · answer #6 · answered by lyona22 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I am sorry, but I do not see the problem. My husband is the opposite and does not want to stay home or be with the kids and me. However, if your heart is not in it, it is time to leave. I wish I left years ago.
2007-10-10 23:19:10 · answer #7 · answered by Jen2U 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't try to work it out first, if thongs don't get better, I would suggest a divorce. You don't want to wake up age 45 and realize you have the best years of your life to someone who doesn't love you.
2007-10-10 23:30:50 · answer #8 · answered by Bu Tran 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You stay to honor your wedding vows, remember them? For better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until DEATH do us part.
Happiness is a choice, not a gift from others.
2007-10-10 23:18:57 · answer #9 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Seek the help of a professional counselor.
2007-10-10 23:13:16 · answer #10 · answered by rmdybles30 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋