Feeling down?

Question

I have been married now to my wife since July of this year. We had a baby in Sept. I love my little girl and would never leave her. But I am so frustrated and at the end with my wife. Sometimes I wonder if it was a mistake to marry her. She shows no signs of romance, no appreciation, she bickers and argues and assumes most things I say are to down her in some way. I am so sick of hearing of her past and how it is affecting her now or her justyfying how she feels. I didnt have a great past because my parents argued and struggled financially at times but I get along great with them and I think about the past and use that to my advantage to know how I want to be and not to be and know how I want to treat my children. Her dad was a military guy and he now lives a 1,000 miles away. I am usually a positive person, I joke at work, play with the kid and try to stay upbeat and have some fun. I work and am feeling good about my career, I pay the bills on time, always have food on the table, good

transportation. I feel that I am blessed. I love taking care of my kid. And yes I do suffer from depression and anxiety but I have taken a medication for a couple of years now that make the depression go away. But with all of her bickering and negativity I feel so stressed. I had a panic atack today at work, I notice my chest hurts at times and I feel so dissappointed inside and just feel like crap at times. When I talk to her she makes it out like I am downing her and that makes me feel worse. Hell I have not really eaten in a couple of days. I fell asleep last night after working all day and it was around midnight and I had to be to work at 8 that morning and I got my azz chewed out for falling asleep. I understand after pregnancy women can go crazy but I feel like I am in hell sometimes just because I am light hearted, shy, and try to stay positive and I have a hard time coping with such negativity. I really need some advice.

And I am 25 and she is 24.

I have had some good answers so far. I like the idea of just ignoring or walking away from her when she is negative.

I really dont want to increase my meds. I take 40mg of Celexa a day and have no side effects and I feel really calm and at at peace with myself. It scares me to be 25 and having chest pains and having a panick attack at work. I may start just laying my fist down and telling her I am not taking it anymore and if she feels like treating me like crap then I am just going to leave until she can treat me with respect.

Answer 1

Hello Stacy, Thanks for taking the time to pour out your heart. I don't normally make comments in this section.

I feel that you are a good person and that you want your marriage to be successful. I feel that you love your wife and new baby girl.

Marriage takes time to develop. The first couple of years can be quite an adjustment as you try to understand and relate to your spouse coupled with the fact that you suffer from depression. Therefore you have to try twice as hard to remain calm in stressful situations and not make any hasty decisions that you would later regret.

I believe your wife loves you very much, although she can be critical, negative and insensitive to your needs at times. Most marriages encounter these same emotions more than we all care to admit. Don't feel that you are alone in these matters.

Try to be more understanding of her needs. She is adjusting to being a new mother. This isn't as easy as you think. Give her time to adjust. She will channel most of her energy to your new child at this time. Be supportive and less critical and watch what happens. Remember to hug and kiss your wife daily. She needs to know that your love for her is genuine. Affirm your love to her often.

Allow her to be free to talk about her past as often as she desires. She needs you to be a good listener. She feels safe around you and she wants to have the freedom to express herself freely around you without you getting angry. When she is ready to move on she will in her own time. Let her talk and offer sound advice without being critical of her feelings. She has a right to her feelings whether you agree or disagree with her. Compliment her when she looks good and does good things. She needs to hear positive words of commendation from you often. She is your queen. She has given you a child. Surprise her with gifts, and take her out to her favorite restaurant from time to time, and both of you sit down and enjoy. Think about joining a good Bible teaching Church. The spiritual counsel will enhance your young marriage.

I hope this helps.

Answer 2

Is it possible your wife is suffering from Post natal depression? Are you able to bring up with her everything that you have mentioned here because that would be the best solution. She may need some help if she is suffering from PND. If she doesn't want to deal with it or talk about it then perhaps you can speak to a friend of hers or her mother and see if that will help. Hope it works out for you both! It is a tough time with a new born as there are so many hormonal changes for a woman and lack of sleep etc...

Answer 3

Has she seen a doctor for post partum depression? Having a baby can make women a little crazy for several months. And if you can afford daycare, maybe she should find a part time job to get her out of the house.....she might be feeling a little trapped and is taking it out on you. Call your doctor and tell him whats going on, perhaps he can recommend either increasing your dosage or put you in touch with a reputable therapist that will teach you tools to deal with your wifes issues.

Answer 4

Try giving her the big shine on. Only interact with her when she is being decent. Totally ignore her and walk away from her when she is being negative.

I learned this in a parenting class, it also works on adults. Ignore the bad behavior and only give attention when they are behaving in a good way. I know it works on grown ups too, it has been tried and is true many times now.

You are the man of the family, head of the household. Don't let her chew you out for anything.

Answer 5

I spend my life hiding feelings...true thoughts and intelligence from others. Not that I do not wish to share, and learn, and grow, by any means..but others misconstrue concepts, misinterpret intent, and jump to conclusions from either being in a short term state of existence or shallow awareness. Neither of the aforementioned are of any import when the possibility of their existence is recognized,... but when they aren`t ego and vanity arises and you become the scapegoat for another`s unadmitted inadequacies. All in the intent of honesty is open and without guile... Why cannot it be received as such? If you are of honest intent and let others know this ...you are vulnerable... For most do not wish to confront themselves and it is a better thing to them to conceal that which they truly are and put forth a surface image.In this there is no depth, nor reality..it is superficial and easily seen for what it is..but "they" never want to know this...

Answer 6

You sound like my son. I understand what you are going through and how you feel. Stay on your meds but think of making a change soon or getting your wife to understand you more. this situation will only get worse for you unless some kind of change occurs. I'm not saying to leave your wife, but I understand your pain and she needs to understand it too and if she doesn't, maybe you will have to leave.