I have been with the same guy for the past five and a half years. We have two beautiful children together and at one point were engaged to be married. Let me add that we started dating when we were 17 and 18. We are now 23 and 24. I decided a couple of months ago that I no longer wanted to get married anymore. At least not right now because I feel that he is just not growing. He lives the life of a 17 year old, going to friends houses and doing whatever he wants to whenever he wants to while I'm at home living the life of a single mother. He's a great dad when he's at home. I just wish it were more often. We were living with his parents, but I couldn't take it there anymore so I decided to pack up the kids and move to my dad's house until we can get a place of our own. I couldn't take it there anymore. He had no responsiblities or motivation while we were living there. I want him to move in here bc I think that it would give him more motivation to get our own place. contd......
2007-10-10 15:03:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We've never really had the greatest relationship...lots of arguing, name calling, and competing. I just don't know what to do. I think that I'm starting to resent him. I yell at him alot. Might I add that I was diagnosed with post partum depression and he just doesn't get it. He doesn't seem to care or want to help me throught it. There's times when I want to break up with him (more often than not anymore) but I just don't know how to do it bc I don't want to hurt him. I want to make it work, but I don't anymore. I'm so sick of trying. I've tried numerous times to sit him down and have a heart to heart with him but he doesn't change. I mean he will for like a week or two and then it goes back to the same thing. Like right now, he's doing everything I ask him to do but I think it's just bc he's afraid. I know it will go back to the same thing. I don't know if I'm just scared to break up with him bc he's the only think I know or what. Any and all advice would be helpful!
2007-10-10 15:11:06 · update #1
He is plenty old enough to act responsibily. You shouldn't go back until:
1. He has a decent job (if he doesn't)
2. He has his own place that is big enough for you and the kids
3. He agrees to stop the teenage behavior.
4. You are married to each other.
I would also put a time limit on the "going back" thing to help motivate him to make some much needed changes to his lifestyle.
2007-10-10 15:08:30 · answer #1 · answered by Daniel T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you are reading too much into it. Maybe he is simply, just, afraid of you. If this is the case you will never have a successful relationship with him. If I am afraid of a person there is usually a reason for it. It is NOT that I am afraid of some potential that may exist in the relationship. Are you bigger than him, would you describe yourself as aggressive, do you have a sharp tongue? Were you a bully at school? Commitment phobia is rubbish. People that are in love with themselves claim commitment phobia. The bottom line is that they just don't like you enough to consider sharing the rest of their lives with you. He may even be a little gay. Does he have many friends? find out. I bet the answer is no. If it is no, then there is a reason for this and he is best left well alone, these people bring happiness to no one. My bet is that he's in fact very manipulative, shortly he'll start attempting to humiliate and belittle you in front of others. Beware this one is a wretch .
2016-04-08 02:02:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh girl, you need someone to talk to on a regular basis. Do you have a stable someone in your life like that?
If not locate the local church near where you live, they should have a small group that you can get in. Tell them the situation and that you would really like a mentor while you are dealing and working through these issues.
You might consider calling your primary care physician. He might dx you with depression or at least help you as you get through the worst part of your ordeal.
Your bf is going to have learn to be accountable for his responsibilities. It's called LIFE. It would be wonderful if things turn out that you make a family of four through marriage.
Perhaps suggest couselling for the bf through the social services or church what ever would be least expensive.
Remember you will have a support group with a church.
GoodLuck to you all!!!
2007-10-10 15:37:29 · answer #3 · answered by LuckyLady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's not willing to grow up, then you can't really make him. It might be time to start out on your own.
It's not selfish to have kids when you aren't married. Marriage is not a qualification to being a loving parent.
I do think it's irresponsible to have children when you don't even have your own roof over your head, though, but it's too late for that now. Get YOUR stuff together. If he joins you, that's great. If not, at least you haven't wasted any more time waiting on him.
2007-10-10 15:09:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In some cultures and times past this behavior would be normal and you'd be considered married already. I do not understand the breed and bolt mentality. Get couples counseling and try to work things out. You'll both likely uncover areas where you need to mature and grow together.
2007-10-10 15:17:39 · answer #5 · answered by AnswerGuy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant make any man do anything period.Seems like hes living like a bachelor and your living like single mother.Thats why before having kids so young have thought about it twice since now they are your responsibility while hes living life of a bachelor.Even if he leaves paying child support you will have to be a single mother all your life no matter what your kids come first now.
2007-10-10 15:09:16 · answer #6 · answered by abrowneyesbeauty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't have any sugesstions, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alon....you are not he only person on the planet who feels this way!!
I am 247 and been with my bf for 6 1/2 years we have 3 young daughters and have been engaged in the past... but now that he asked me again to marry him...I'm just not as sure now as I was then..ya know??
It just seem like we're going anywhere and it definatly is starting to seem like he's not 'the one"
Good luck to you (and me LoL!!)_
2007-10-10 15:09:16 · answer #7 · answered by busymum 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cut your losses and move on......I promise he will never grow up. I know that because I have lived it. It will be hard but it will be better in the long run to take your kids and continue to grow without him holding you back. Don't have sex with him any more and this may make him snap out of it and grow up, but right now he is getting it all.....you are picking up the slack and giving sex up to him.....boys don't have sex and if he wants to act like a little boy treat him like one....walk away
2007-10-10 15:40:02 · answer #8 · answered by sad_lonley_wife 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by standing up for yourself and those kids.It's hard enogh raising two and you shouldn't have to raise three.he needs to get motivated now before he moves in with you.He needs a wake up call and by you leaving should have been the wake up call.
2007-10-10 15:24:53 · answer #9 · answered by lollypop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters, Does "milk for free" sound familiar? Your children need a real man to be their role model and father. You want him to do so much. and he is not willing to budge. Do you want to do this until you're eighty? get custody of the kids and move on, find a man who worships you and your children.
2007-10-10 15:15:52 · answer #10 · answered by aaron g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋