how can i be sure, he wont do the same to me?

Question

my bf abandoned his previous wife, thats why she filed for divorce. And it seems everytime stress comes along in a relationship he abandoned it, instead of trying to make it work.. How can i be sure he wont do that to be if we decides o get marry.

Answer 1

If your feeling like this. Then don't marry him. Obviously he can't handle stress even worse being married tied down. Move on, find a man who is mature.

Answer 2

You can be sure that he WILL do it to you. The fact that you are smart enough to notice the trend, and question it, is a very good thing. His track record isn't one that you would want in a relationship, not to mention a marriage. Apparently his commitment level leaves a lot to be desired. You need to look at yourself and decide for yourself if you are willing to go into a marriage with someone who doesn't have the patience to try to make things work. You can bet that stress in a relationship is going to come, it's a part of life. You have to understand that there is a very strong possibility that he won't be there when the dust clears.

Answer 3

You cant be sure and your not 100% immune from him doing it to you , he's a repeat offender of abandonment , was his dad in his life fully or his mum? if they were did they treat him badly or ignore him?

Theres always a psycholigial reason for this occuring find out what it is and make him deal with it , if he wont deal with it get out now because if you have kids its also unfair to them to have an unstable father figure as their role model , I know my 12 year old son's abandoned all 6 of his kids to 4 women and is now married to a woman who abandoned her 3 older kids to move to another state with him so he dont have to pay us all child support.

Answer 4

If you want to know how to stop him doing the same to you, then you have to get him into counseling.
HE has to learn why HE has commitment issues, why he reacts to "stress" that way, and why he keeps blaming his relationships for the failures in other parts of his life (otherwise he wouldn't leave them, when other things are going wrong). HE has to learn ways to break this pattern, and until he does, there is no guarantee that he wouldn't do the same thing to you.
Ans nothing you can do will help him, unless the desire to change comes from him.

Answer 5

If you are already seeing this... you should abandon ship first. You deserve a life partner (husband) that loves you, respects you and is fully committed to you in the hard times and the good times... sickness and health, blah blah blah. All blah's aside, marriage is a wonderful thing - find someone that you can trust to stick by you.

Answer 6

When I was married I never payed attention to how my wife treated her ex-husband. When we separated she began treating me the same way as she treated her first husband.

If I date a woman now I pay attention to the details. How do they treat or talk about their exes. How do they treat their kids or family. Do they pay their bills or just rack up debt.

How they treat others is an indication of how they may treat you some day.

Answer 7

You can't be sure. People change and grow throughout life, but their core personalities remain the same. You don't want to spend your life looking over your shoulder waiting for him to leave you. I'd run like the wind!

Answer 8

sorry to say but the pattern is already there you even see it. I would suggest counseling before marriage and even counseling now to get the tools he needs to work things out instead of running, which to him is the easiest way to go.

good luck.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you already see the red flags.

Answer 10

The only way you can be sure is not to marry this guy. You deserve better than him.

Good luck.