Can a leopard change his spots???

Question

OK heres my situation, I have been patient but now I am at my wits end and want to know if he will ever change...
I have been with a guy for 2 years, we've been living together(with my parents) for a year.
He drinks too much and smokes. I hate him smoking... We broke up for a few months in the first year and he quit smoking then, we got back together and he started again.
I wanna buy a house soon but I'm dont wanna be with him if he's smoking, he says he's trying, most of the time he will only smoke when he drinks but thats not good enough for me.
WHat can I do to make him quit or is it not possible... Thanks for your help

If we are going to stay together, HE MUST STOP, smoking outside will still affect his sperm and will still kill him eventually, his father died of a heart attack and never smoked in his life. I have no sense of smell or taste so that side of it doesnt bother me. Its the health side of it.

Answer 1

a snow leopard can actually change its spots. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snow_Leopard

Your bf will most likely not change although it is possible. Accept him for what he is or leave him.

Answer 2

A leopard can't get rid of its spots. It's what makes a leopard a leopard. Dump him and find yourself a nice puma.

just kidding. first off, u can't make anyone do anything. you can only change urself. sooo,

how about finding your dream home (in ur budget), bring home the flyer from open house and loan app. when he asks about it, use that as an opportunity to voice your views. tell him you love and want 2 live with him, but not the way things are. right now ur in a place where you want to move out of ur parents-- u r considering purchasing a home. u will continue to date him, but prefer he doesn't live with you until he gets a handle on the smoking & drinking.

He can visit u and what not, but not allowed 2 smoke inside.

yadayada-- u get the picture. u take control of how u want your life to look. decide if u can do without him and be prepared if he decides he doesn't want to play by ur rules.

Answer 3

obviously its possible to quit smoking, im pretty sure there are millions of people who can attest to that, my father is one who quit cold turkey because it was too cold outside and my mom wouldnt let him in the house in the winter while he smoked.
if he has smoked for a long time you have to understand that smoking is an addiction and its not something that EVERYONE can quit just like that. its like crack, people go to rehab for crack. thankfully smoking isnt as bad...i think?
just be patient with him, talk to him about it, keep nagging i guess. i got my gf to quit by nagging...and refusing to kiss her (that helped a lot). the drinking thing is another issue, that could be a problem all on its own.

does he drink too much as in 5 beers a day or drinks too much as in he has a beer with a meal (the latter isn't really a problem now is it?)

Answer 4

He won't change, and if his smoking bothers you that much you are going to have nothing but problems in the future, Even if he does quit now, it will always be an issue, and so will his drinking. You cannot really change someone into what you would like him to be. Maybe you should try to find someone with whom you are more compatible.

Answer 5

You can NOT make your boyfriend quit ... and if you 'nag' him he's only going to want to smoke more because of the 'stress' it is causing you. You can't stop him drinking, either. Since you obviously 'don't approve' of either behavior, I suggest that you either break up with him and find an 'nicer' boyfriend, or you ADMIT you love him even though he's a smoker and drinker and tell him that 'you don't care' what he 'does' because that's PART OF HIM and you LOVE HIM. He may 'quit' both ... or he may continue for awhile longer or forever ... but YOU can NOT make this 'big decision' for him ... he has to do that on his own.

Answer 6

I use to smoke an every now an then will. But, to force him to stop for your love is a bit much. You will find the more pressure you put on him the less affective you are. Have him smoke outside but its really all up to him when he wants to stop.

Answer 7

he likes smoking, if he only does it when he drinks?!? whats the problem if he doesnt do it in the house? If u love someone, you love them and accept there are going to be things about them that you wont like. If I was living with my husbands parents, i'd be smoking a lot!!!!!!
If its smoking or you, then sorry but I suggest that you dont really love him x

Answer 8

You cannot make a smoker quit. He/she must quit because he/she wants to. I know, i'm a smoker and have been cut off of sex for a long time b4 by an old girlfriend. Didn't work. I just smoked more cause I wasn't getting sex.

Answer 9

Here's my advice: DO NOT USE GUM. I know you have heard those commercials about that nicotine gum, but in my opinion.. it' not very useful.

I am unable right now to state the name due to the fact that I have forgotten. But you put it on your left ear and then wait 48-72 hours for the chemicals to go through the nervous and immune system.

If you can find that, order it.
Good Luck!

Answer 10

I guess I must be an optimist because I hope they'll manage it and even if most fail, some will remain committed to their pledge and that can only be a Good Thing.

Answer 11

he has to learn to respect your wishes. Help him cut down the smoking, he'll live longer and it wont smell as bad. But it is addicting from what i've heard and it isnt the easiest