My husband of 2 years has been talking to girl online since before we were married. I didn't know until a few monthes after we were married. He has promised me over and over that it wouldn't happen again and he just keeps doing it. I'm really overweight and he has admited that the weight is a major issue to him and he has also admited that if something better came along, he'd be gone. He also admited that he married me originally for money. A couple days later he says that it's not the way he feels anymore. I told him that your feelings don't change that easily and that quickly! I have a fear he's still cheating on me online. I don't know if I can't ever truely trust him again and plus we have been fighting quite a bit! He's in the military and he was talking to one of the other soldiers wives and the soldier found out about it. She cut off all ties when she found out that I he was not telling me what he was saying. I don't know what to do anymore. Someone please help!!
2007-10-10 10:14:35 · 44 answers · asked by Heartbroken 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I told him that I was going to leave and at first he begged me not to go, but now he doesn't care. He has basically told me that if I want to leave he can't stop me, so just go
2007-10-10 10:35:26 · update #1
The problem has come down that I gave up everything for him! Literally! I had so many plans and I had to give up everything because he had different plans. At this point if I wanted to go home, I couldn't! I'm in Hawaii and to get home I'd have to come up with a lot of money that I don't have! I am litterally STUCK where I am. I have tried getting jobs but he doesn't have a license and to the military, him getting to work is more important than me getting a job. Every time I haven't been able to take him to work I have been yelled at by his sargeant
2007-10-10 10:46:42 · update #2
What you need to do is leave NOW and find someone who will appreciate you for EVERYTHING wonderful that you are.
2007-10-10 10:17:13 · answer #1 · answered by lunachick 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Typically, each individual in a relationship has at least 3 needs that must be met by the other in order to be happy. For most women, this includes the following: 1. Security- financial, emotional, mental. 2. Affection. 3. Communication- she needs a spouse she can talk to.
For most men, they need: 1. Sex. 2. Activity partner. 3. Domestic support- he needs an environment he enjoys coming home to.
Nevermind his needs- but what about yours?
You are obviously not getting security (1) on at least an emotional and mental level if he is telling you he would leave if someone better came along (which by the way- as far as I'm concerned, that's abusive behavior and extremely cruel.)
Affection (2) - if he says your weight is an issue for him, then I can only assume that this has an affect on his physicalness with you so you're not getting what you need there. You're certainly not getting verbal affection.
Communication (3) - obviously talking to someone as a friend and lover is difficult if not impossible when they are so obviously disrespectful and unconcerned for your feelings.
My question is.... what are you still doing there?
Your husband's treatment of you is cruel and completely unacceptable- no matter what! He is deceptive, harsh, and obviously low on morals and values- don't you deserve someone who is honest, adoring, and supportive? Of course you do!!!!
If you do decide on a divorce (every woman in America is applauding) start preparing now- don't leave without a plan. Legal-wise- Talk to a lawyer beforehand, and do a little research online. If you're in a state where adultery is recognized in divorce, consider a spy program on your computer- spector is one that comes highly recommended.
Emotional-wise- divorce is not an easy thing. Surround yourself with supportive friends, family, and even seek out support groups. You will be amazed at what valuable resources they turn out to be- even if you don't know them!
Most importantly, start focusing on what your ideal future is. Start making lists in your head about what you want your future husband to be like- how you want him to treat you- what positive qualities he has, etc. The more you focus on this, the quicker you will move away from what you don't want and toward what you DO want!
2007-10-10 10:42:21 · answer #2 · answered by portiarose2121 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are beautiful. You deserve the best. He cannot give you what you need. You have said that inadvertenly in every sentence you wrote. Don't fear not having someone. You deserve 100% of your husbands love and attention and affection, he is giving nearly all of it away to someone else! You deserve much better! There is a wonderful man out there that can and will be more than happy to give you what you need and would love to receive what you have to offer. This man you married can't be trusted, was never honest when you married him. Don't waste your life on him. Life is too short, enjoy every bit of it. You have a choice, live your life to the fullest and be happy. Don't settle! The sooner you leave the better. Stay strong and keep your confidence. You can do it.
2007-10-10 10:26:45 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa D 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
how dare this pice of s.... tells you your fat or ugly what ever, his sorry a... can't find anything else to talk about? You should kick his sorry a...
On the other hand how dare you lose a pound only because he says so there are big people outhere who are happy. He knew you were large when he married you so what else is new?
If you leave his low life self he would be running back to you so fast ,but guess what by then you start feeling good about yourself and might lose some weight just for you and his cold behind need to go to those girls he chatting with. Don't you think 4 one minute that he is not replacable.
My ex left 1 week ago for a co-worker for the 2nd time yes it hurts i will get over him with time so will you.
your beautiful i send my love stay strong kick his a... to the curve
sending my love
2007-10-10 10:43:20 · answer #4 · answered by maria s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not have a husband, you have a cheater and a user.
You have stayed with him since you found out he was communicating with another woman on line.
He has broken the same promise over and over.
You are overweight and he married you for money.
Sounds like a quality husband to me...NOT.
Get some self-respect and get out.
If you are overweight, that is no excuse for him to have an affair; emotional or otherwise. You could be the most perfect woman on earth, and this guy does not have enough self-respect for himself or for you for that to make any difference.
You have given him two years too long of your life.
He was most likely seeing someone else while you were making wedding plans, once a cheater....always....you know the rest.
2007-10-10 10:25:38 · answer #5 · answered by Sue F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Firstly,
I'm so sorry about what you have been going through. It's not wonder your self esteem is shot.
The problem now stands that you are not happy. I don't know this man but if I did I don't know that I would agree with what he is doing. His personal attack on your weight was not necessary my dear. He is clearly mentally abusive and it's tearing you apart.
You need to do what is best for you my dear. Life is tough, but take it from someone who left home when I was 14 to ger away from an abusive parent, it was the best thing I ever ever did. I didn't do it for anyone else. I did it for myself. And after 10 years, i'm happy and I don't regreet my actions.
Getting yourself out of a tough situation is hard, but give it time and your life will shape into what it should be. Surround yourself with friends and family who will help and guide you. Take time for yourself and reflect about what you want and who you want to be. I believe in you. I believe that you can and will be happy.
Keep your head up and walk away. Get this dead weight off your shoulders and being to live your live. Wear a smile and always remember who you are. Do not let people walk over you my dear. Be strong my dear!
2007-10-10 10:23:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First let me tell you that I feel he isnt a very caring person. If he told you those things, and claims he does not still feel that way, then he should have kept his trap shut. By telling you those things he managed to crush your self esteem, and hurt you deeply. I fund him to be repugnent personally. If you love him and you beleive he loves you than go to marraige counceling. But from your description of your situation, it seems like he is being purposefully hurtful to make you be the one that leaves. Then he can say that he was the wounded one and you left him. I have seen this numerous times, it boils down to the man being a coward, and not wanting to be the bad guy, so they do bad things to leave there significant other with no choice. Do yourself a favor, leave. You may be overweight, but if you love yourself and take care of yourself then this will shine through and be attractive. There is someone out there for everyone. I dont necessarily believe once a cheat always a cheat, but I do believe 3 or 4 times a cheat always a cheat. It sounds like addictive behavior, and this will lead to worse things. Seek counciling, for yourself and build your self esteem, I am sure you are a beautiful person, and you need to believe that about yourself. Good luck!
2007-10-10 10:23:36 · answer #7 · answered by melissaw77 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What does it take for you to get a clue? You are seeing very plain and clear exactly what this man's character is. Well, guess what. It's cemented in. This is the w ay he is always going to be. If you think this is the best you're worth, then stay in the marriage and put up with it. If you don't, then this is the perfect moment for you to get the hell out so that you can start the process of your recovery, and change of direction down a whole new road, to a new life and future. You don't need anybody else's help. You know what to do. I hope you will get a lot of responses from people encouraging you to do it.
2007-10-10 10:21:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Should you leave??? I can't believe you're still there!
Don't waste another minute of your life with this man. In fact, when you leave, I promise you will not have any regrets other than not leaving sooner.
I say take an hour, close your eyes and picture your dream man. Use that image to inspire you to move on and toward what you want, rather than what you don't.
I really wish the best for you and I hope you recognize your value soon- you deserve so much better.
2007-10-11 11:27:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you need us to tell you to leave, sounds like he has been doing so in a round about way for some time. He has no respect for you or your feelings. Just because someone is over weight is no reason to treat your wife that way. If he finds this a problem then he needs to get his butt of the net talking to other women and go on walks with his wife.
2007-10-10 10:23:56 · answer #10 · answered by Celtickarma 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES!! I am a guy too. So I know what all that means. And I would piss on that guy if I ever met him. Personally I'm not over weight but I do believe that true beauty lies within. Any way. the advice is out there. Good luck and I hope that you find someone better. not like that would be hard to do.
2007-10-10 10:20:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋