My wife used to be a man!?

Question

My wife and I love each other dearly, she's a wonderful person. However, I was talking about kids and she broke the news to me that she used to be a man. I'm really torn up about this, it doesn't seem right. Any advice on how to deal with the situation?

Answer 1

Don't focus on the negatives, look at the opportunities!

Since you can't have children, you have two choices. You could adopt and provide a home for some unfortuante child. Or she may even let you screw around with another woman to have kids!

Also, since she used to be a man, I'd say it's likely she's dabbled in...alternate forms of intercourse. She'd probably be open to you doing that as well!

Sounds to me like you have a keeper, and a heck of a bartering chip in your favor right now. Bang it like you own it my friend.

Answer 2

Forgive him? If a man beats his wife, regarless of whether he is repentant or not, it takes the bigger person to forgive him. Note, forgiveness does not mean acceptance or condoning behavior. On the Cross, Jesus said "forgive them Father, they know not what they do." All of us are sinners, and most of us "know not what we do" to the full extent of the sin. If a man beats his wife, at the time, does he really know how horrible a person he is beating. If he realized it, he would understand that he is abusing himself far more than his wife. So, that said, if a man has become truly repentant for what he has done, then there is no need to chastise him further... he has already been punished. By forgiving sin, we forget the sin. Our failures don't just dissapear overnight. One can easily fall back into bad habits and traps. The man probably should be getting intense counceling for himself and for a long time, and if his wife as well, seperately for their individual needs and probably from both a pastor and therapist. If they decide to remain together, then they would also need marital counceling. Befriend him? Why not? We all sin. We all need help. He may not have ever had a "real" friend before in his life. Don't forget that most abusers were abused themselves. All the more reason they need a true friend that will help them and not judge them.

Answer 3

First of all her doctor must have been pretty good to get her genitals looking right (a lot of the time they still look a little off) if you had no clue.

Secondly, what does it matter if you love each other. Sure, she used to be a man but the only thing that's masculine about her now is her chromosomes. But there are all kinds of people with chromosomes that might be off (Klinefelter's-XXY, Turner syndrome-X, XXX, and XYY).

She should have told you, yes. But she was probably in love with you and didn't want to scare you off or lose you.

You're not gay. You're in love with a gender-reassigned woman who lives as a woman. You can adopt, there are plenty of lost lonely kids in this world that need a loving family.

Answer 4

Hmmm......Well, obviously the sex change was because she knew she was more feminine than otherwise, and perhaps felt that if she told you right away you would run down the street screaming and never come back.
So, I can see both sides. Hard for you, hard for her. If you love her more than words, adopt a child someday, there are a lot of them out there and they need loving families just like anyone else.
I wouldn't leave over this, it's a minor set back, granted a HUGE shock to the system, but love should prevail if its real.

Answer 5

You need some time to think it over. To me a breach of trust has occurred and you should have known about the operation when you two were becoming serious.

Don't act too rashly, just think about it. If her not telling you isn't a big deal and you have no problem with the fact that she had an operation adoption and a surrogate mother are options.

Answer 6

I seriously doubt that you will be able to get past this HUGE deception. How could she/he have done something so awful to you. If you love him/her then stay, work it out and adopt. However, you must know that you are entitled to a divorce and maybe even an annulment on the grounds of fraud. You went into this marriage believing that this person was a female and you were deceived. Think about it long and hard!!!

Answer 7

I know that I wouldn't deal with it real well. The fact that she was not up front with you is a major deal. How many other lies are going to come out in the future. If it were me, that would be enough to justify an annulment.

Answer 8

Your case is a bit complex and I dont think a simple answer will help you. You definetely need to seek counceling.. both of you need to go together. Because remember that at end of the day it's your choice to continue with the relationship or leave.

Good luck

Answer 9

Uh Yeah, your wife was born male and will always be male. HE may have had his genitals removed and a vagina surgically made, but he will never be a woman. He will never go through menstruation, he will never become pregnant, he will never go through childbirth, he will never understand all that there is to being a woman. He may look like a woman, but you know that he is really a man, which means, you are married to a man!

Answer 10

aw man... wow.... that must have shocked you... BIG TIME.... .. wow.. I remember seeing this on a talk show one time.... her "hubby" was a woman!! I'm so sorry!! Have you tried to sit down and talked to each other? asked why she did not tell you in the first part? I would go to counseling....and see how that goes.... I hope things work about! Good luck God bless ya...

Answer 11

I'm sorry that you feel betrayed by the news, but if you love her, then you can adopt there are tons of kids who need a loving family