I lived with my boyfriend for 8 years. I moved out 3 months ago but still continued to see him and help him with rent and bills. Yes when we were together I kept us up financially. He is 32 and I am 25. I think I became co dependent on taking care of him and having him around. 8 years is a long time. Any way when we first got together he went through a divorce and also had his parental rights terminated. Now after 7 years the ex wife is starting to bring the child around. She is having problems with her current husband. I am trying to give my boyfriend space. He has no job, no license or transportation. I just wonder why he has not called me. I know that may sound dumb but he told me he loved me. Do you think he thinks about me?? This is really bothering me. I have not spoke to him since Monday and I am not planning on it. I want him to call but I am torn inside. He lies to me about things and he has problems. This is killing me inside. It is consuming me. Can u help
2007-10-10 09:33:59 · 14 answers · asked by Sunny 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You made the right choice to move out and now you have to move on. He is a user or he would not let you help with his bills when you are not there and any help you give him now may well just help the two of them to get back together and live on your money. You can do better than that I suspect that because you got into a relationship with someone like this you need help with your confidence or you would not have become the co-dependent. Keep telling yourself that he is just a user and look for someone who will care for you and be your partner in life, not your child. good luck to you.
2007-10-10 09:48:05 · answer #1 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as it hurts, you did the right thing walking away from this relationship. It will take time, but you will get over it. Do not give him money or anything - he needs to take responsibility for himself and his child. What you need to do is get some counseling, so you can find out why you got into a relationship like that and how you can avoid repeating it in the future. Stay single for at least a year - you were together long enough that it's like a marriage - it will take some time to get your life straight. Focus on doing productive things with your life - maybe take up a hobby or get involved in volunteer work - and then you won't be so concerned about what's going on in his life. If you got back together with him he would only drag you down. Good luck and God bless.
2007-10-10 16:44:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a wonderful person and that is who you should be concerned about right now. 8 years is a long time so of course this is going to hurt and these feelings aren't going to go away over night. Take some time for you. Think about what you need in a relationship and find someone who will care for you as much as you care for them.
2007-10-10 16:42:36 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs.R 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably hasn't called because he found someone else to take care of him. Possibly ex wife. Be thankful that you got rid of the leach so that you can move on. Of course, you hurt and wonder. you were together for a long time. But honestly, you need to stay away from him. It sounds like he is using you in a big way. Be Strong - Move On.
2007-10-10 16:48:27 · answer #4 · answered by Hallon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A true relationship is based on trust and honesty. It doesn't sound like he has any of those qualities. If he can't tell you about his life, than you shouldn't be wasting your breath. Yes, people do need space but that's to much space. He also sounds a little old for you... If he isn't calling you than why should you call him? If he doesn't want to be with you that's his loss. Just forget about him. He'll come through eventually. I think everyone deserves to have someone to care about them and I think he may be focused on other things right now! Good Luck!
2007-10-10 16:40:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's very normal to still have feelings for him and to believe that he still loves you. Nothing wrong with that! sometimes relationships fizzle out but the love for the other person is still there.
Since his ex is back in the picture and bringing around the kid, is there a chance that she's telling him not to talk to you?
Could also be that he's looking to give you space because he cares about you.
If I were you, I would just encourage him to talk to you. "Tell me what's going on in your life. I really care!" Or something similar.
2007-10-10 16:51:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You moved out 3 months ago, when does your lease run up?? After that, you can stop paying your share.
With no job, no license, or transportation, no wonder he gave up his parental rights.
You are no longer in a relationship, should he call you every day?? Maby he has not called you because maby, just maby he is getting his life back together, and maby, just maby he is getting back together with "her"?????
Like I said, maby this is good, maby he is finally getting over you and getting his life back on track and getting back with "her" and finally being a daddy!!! Maby he is not getting back with "her", but maby he is finally being the father his son never had, children always have it hard when their parents lives are turned upside down, no one thinks about the children anymore, they just think about themselves. JMO.
Just let it go.........and live your own life, if he has a lot of problems, then he is not for you, it is better that he deals with this on his own, believe me, he has his son, and "her" to lean on.
2007-10-10 16:43:51 · answer #7 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard, and you sound like you matured very early. I'm impressed! You are going to be just fine.
Your ex-boyfriend needs time to sort things out on his own, grow up, get a job, and take responsibility for his life. I know it is hard to let go, but in time, you will both be in a better place.
Oh, and.... stop paying his bills! He'll never learn if you keep doing that!!!!
2007-10-10 16:41:13 · answer #8 · answered by quietlycrazy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like this guy has been using you for 8 long years, and depending on you to act like his mother. You deserve better than this. You deserve to be taken care of too. Where both parties are equally contributing, and someone who doesn't make you question his love and intentions.
2007-10-10 16:48:38 · answer #9 · answered by kelly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, get some therapy right away. You need to figure out why you supported a bum for 8 years, and now why you're bothered he doesn't call you. Thank your lucky stars, and get shuck of him fast. Your need to be needed does not make for a healthy relationship.
Good luck!
2007-10-10 17:00:02 · answer #10 · answered by Countess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋