Well it appears that my dad was cheating on my mom for a long time with atleast one other woman at work...
he wanted to keep living with my mom and act like nothing was wrong but my mom got furious an they got a divorce.
it all happened when i was away at college, an i was really angry i mean i always picture them growing old together and being happy, now i dont know what to do im really pissed at my dad cuz i had heard him talkin on the phone with another woman one time an said he liked to lick peanut butter or something off woman and then i hung up the phone without him knowin i had heard awhile back
what should i do?
2007-10-10 09:22:15 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Theres 2 sides to every story even when theres cheating going on. You dont know what was going on between them. For all you know your mother could have driven him away emotionally or denied him sex. She sure isnt going to admit it.
Do not take sides because its between them. If anyone expects you to take sides just say you refuse cuz thats your mom or dad and no matter whats happened between them you still love them.
2007-10-10 09:28:15 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No need to take sides. Im sure that you will sympathize w/ your mother beacuse she was the one that got cheated on. Remeber that there are two sides to both stories. Have a sit down with your dad. Tell him how you feel and let it all out. Because your dad cheated, does that mean you love him less? Your parents love you unconditionally and you should love them the same. It is ok to be mad at you dad, but hes only human. Being that you are in college by now you should know that this is the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. Good Luck :)
2007-10-10 10:53:40 · answer #2 · answered by mrsclh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor baby this must be really hard on you. I'm sure you are hurt because of your dads actions but we are all mortals and make mistakes.
The thing is with relationships things are not usually black and white and even though you guys are a family, you love them and they love you very much, the broken romantic relationship was between them (although it has inevitably affect your relationship), so give them the love and support they need to deal with the decisions they have had to make.
The important thing that you should know is that they love you and sometimes things are not as perfect as we want them to be.
If you are upset with your dad, because of the careless way he handled your family's relationship and the conversation you overheard him having, let him know (in a mature non-accusatory way) and find a way to patch things up, so that it doesn't tear you further apart.
Taking your mum's side by default is up to you, but remember none of them including you is perfect.
Since you are in college there probably will not be any need for one or the other to get custody of you or for you to have to live with either or both that way you won't have to make an obvious side taking decision/choice i.e.you won't really have to take sides.
I really wish you the best...family relationships are not easy but very important.
Stay strong...
2007-10-10 09:56:17 · answer #3 · answered by tidunia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not take sides.They are both your parents and this divorce had nothing to do with you.It was wrong of your dad to start a relationship before ending the first one.But we all make mistakes and life goes on.You may be angry at the fact that he continues to talk to this other woman.You need to show support for your mother and keep a good relationship with your father.
2007-10-10 09:43:59 · answer #4 · answered by evrthingnice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never take sides and allow either one of them to put each other down because no matter what you love them both. Stay neutral because they have a different relationship with each other than you have with them. You don't always know the true story of what goes on behind closed doors...so always remember that it takes two people to get to the point where they both are.This isn't about you ...this is about them and they need to keep it to themselves and not involve you and cause loyalty issues over them! It does not matter which one claims to be more wronged here you do not deserve either one of them causing you stress in your life. You have no control over what your parents are going through but you do have control and the right to expect them to respect not to put you in the middle. When they start airing out their dirty laundry you tell them to stop because you have had enough. I understand that they are your parents but remember that they are human to and they have to find their own way in life over this. Parents are not always right in the way they do things either...and way before you ever heard your fathers conversation with this woman the problems between your parents were already there. They may not live and grow old together but you will always be their daughter and nothing in the world can change that. You may have expected more out of them as your parents to remain together for you but if they are not happy this would not be right. Both your parents deserve more out of life than what they have lost with each other and just because they moved on in different directions this doesn't mean they have to be lost to you. Yes.....there will be some adjustments in your life because of them but it doesn't mean that what you can continue having with them would not be just as meaningfull.
2007-10-10 09:57:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't take sides, just let your dad know that you heard an uncomfortable conversation. Ask him if he won't mind getting another phone line so you won't have to interrupt his phone conversations. In a marriage , there are always two sides of the story. Just be there for your mom, and listen. Hopefully, this situation improve on time for your parent' own sake.
2007-10-10 09:40:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't take sides, it is a problem between them both and no matter what happened between them, they both are your parents. You can't judge your mom for wanting a divorce and you can't judge your dad for making the decision he made. You need to respect both of them and hopefully you can learn from that and not make the same mistake later on in life. I wish you the best through these hard times for you. Be sure to be there for them and love them both equally.
2007-10-10 09:30:40 · answer #7 · answered by why ask 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hard as it may be, try not to take sides.
Understand that this is between your parents and nothing they do alters their love for you. It's fair to be angry, but think about this, if your Dad is truly happy with someone else, do you not think he deserves to be with her?
Having the affair was wrong on his part because he has a commitment to his family. But IF the marriage wasn't working, I don't think it's fair to expect him to remain in it just for the sake of responsibility. Everyone has the right to be happy.
2007-10-10 11:31:57 · answer #8 · answered by cherie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Stay neutral as mush as you can. My oldest son hates me because he thinks I cheated on his mom. And I did. But what he doesn't know is that she had cheated on me for years while I was deployed overseas. Sure I was wrong, but so was she. I'll never tell him. Someday he will put two and two together. Now I'm not saying that your mom cheated. But I am saying that something wasn't right between the two. There may be things going on between them that they aren't going to share with you. I can imagine it's hard but they are both your parents. He wronged her, not you.
2007-10-10 09:26:38 · answer #9 · answered by Brad M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First I'm really sorry for you, but you shouldn't take sides, be there for both of your parents,even if it seems like your dad has moved on, he may still need someone to talk to and may see you as a "friend" instead of his son.
2007-10-10 09:39:05 · answer #10 · answered by Bad_Kity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋