I'm 29 he's 52. We met through friends at work3 years ago and hit it off. He is married to his third wife with 3 young kids and claims his wife never wants to go out. Before we met he spent a lot of time out with the guys from the office. We share an interest in sports and because he is pretty well off he gets tickets to any event he wants. We have gone out to dinner and games several times as just friends and he hasn't tried anything. I am worried what others will think of us just hanging out. I know his wife would not be happy but it seems so innocent. He has asked me to take an overnight trip out of town to a sporting event . I would really like to go but I'm worried what others might think. I am not attracted to him sexually, I just like his company. Should I go or not.
2007-10-10 09:17:44 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am not married.
What if he asked me to go on a sunset cruise aboard his friends yaght alone?
2007-10-10 09:35:44 · update #1
That fact that you are questioning the extent of this relationship at all should tell you something. Follow your instincts. If you think it looks bad to other people, it probably does, especially his wife. Ask yourself this: How would I feel if my husband were spending that much time with a nice, young woman and doing the things we do? I trust that you know whether its okay or not. I think what you want to know is really, how to respectfully decline some of his invitations. If you wanted to speak to him about how worried you are about what people think - then go for it if you are that brave. But if you are looking for a subtle way to spend less time with him, simply decline an invitation every now and then, then make it more often until you are comfortable with the amount of time you are spending together. If you need an excuse to say no - tell him you've joined some kind of women's club - like yoga or something. lol. Good luck. I know its totally innocent and you don't mean any harm, but that doesn't change the way it looks and it doesn't make it okay.
2007-10-10 09:27:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Going sounds very tempting...and it's fun! But the thing is, if his wife DID ever find out (even if nothing is going on) then his marriage could probably easily end. If he has 3 young kids, he won't want that to happen. Tell him that you greatly appreciate the invitation, but don't want to put a strain on his marriage. Make it seem like you're just looking out for the benefit of his relationship. I'm sure you care for him as a friend too...and no friend wants to see another friend hurt, right?
Is it wrong to spend time with him? I don't think so. But only on the local level. I wouldn't worry too much about what other people say, because people are alrways going to talk. you just have to be concerned about his wife. I'd hate to see those kids be without their father over some innocent hang-out!
2007-10-10 16:28:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a situation like this. I rekindled a friendship with a guy I was friends with in high school. For some crazy reason I thought that because it was 15 years later and he is happily married that his high school crush was over. After a few visits and email/phone correspondence. He blurted out that he still had feelings for me. I was so disgusted that he still had his mind in the gutter after all those years.
My suggestion is to insist that you meet his wife first and/or bring a male (friend or date) with you when you hang out. The wife should also be invited even if she declines to go. If i were his wife I would wonder why a single (especially younger) woman would be interested in hanging out with my husband.
I also think the overnight trip is a bad idea. Not only is it disrespectful to his wife, but you are setting yourself up for office gossip and laughter, and even worse after a night of boozing you might wake up to a hairy gray potbelly. YUK!
2007-10-10 16:51:45 · answer #3 · answered by anosey1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How would you feel if you were married to this guy and he was spending time with another (younger ) woman?
Also it's an affair whether you want to recognize it or not because you are hiding your "friendship" from the wife. It's an affair because you are emotionally involved- an affair doesn't always just focus on sex.
So you should continue to hang out with this man and go on an overnight trip with him if you are sure you want to lose your dignity, your self worth and potentially destroy his wife and children's lives.
When this man divorces his third wife- then by all means- go on as many over nights trips as you like.
Good luck and I hope you do the right thing.
2007-10-10 16:38:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I know his wife would not be happy..." Do you need to put more thought into this than that sentence already has?
If she knew you and the three of you were friends, that would be fine, but she does not know what her husband is doing.
There is no way that you should be spending as much time with him as you are and you definitely should not go anywhere with him overnight. Bad idea!
If the two of you are really just close friends, then he should have you over to dinner at his home with his wife. If she clearly can see that there is nothing more than friendship and she trusts both him and you, you can spend time with her husband.
Take care,
Troy
2007-10-10 16:32:06 · answer #5 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG, at least you are of the legal age, you mean you are dating a man who is going through "the stage" where they want to have a younger woman in bed, along with having his "older" wife at home wondering where the he** he is??
What is wrong with you?? I call those kind of men "pervs"!!!
His third wife, huh, must be getting tired of them pretty quick!!!
he has a problem, and if you have not guessed what it is yet, then you my, dear, will be in deep sh** with his current wife and will be called a homewrecker from his third wife. Just think what you are doing to the children!!!! Karma is coming your way, and if the people at work have not started talking, they sure will, and it will get back to his "current" wife. How long she stays his "current" wife, is in limbo now...........because of you.
You just like his company or the fact that he is a sugar daddy for you??? And you are letting this happen, how the He** is he going to think when you do not find him sexually attractive, and that you are only friends with him for his money???
You little money grabber, you!!!!!!
Should you go, well, you have taken this wayyyyyyy to far, and if you go then you are going to take it further, and if and when and it will happen that his wife who is sitting at home, with three children screaming, fighting, drooling, and pooping their diapers, finds out that you are taking her place, and going away when she so desperately needs it???
Man, and you are asking us for advice????
You make the call....................seems for a couple of years you already have!!!! And he wants you to go on this trip so you can be his little floozy on the fly!!!!!
2007-10-10 16:30:15 · answer #6 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'll tell you right now right here what others would think.Exactly what I'm thinking probably. You know it's not right to be hanging out with this married man and you said yourself his wife wouldn't like it. If it's sooo innocent and all why don't you two ask the wife if she wants to go along on this overnight trip????????
2007-10-10 16:30:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
By hanging out with him outside of work, you are putting yourself in a bad position. If you were in a group-setting, it would be much more understandable. I think that you should stop where you are before it progresses any further. And also, think about how you would feel if you were his wife and your husband was lying to you and sneaking around to hang out with a much younger woman. You're making yourself a third party whether you realize it or not, and problems will arise if you don't keep it professional.
2007-10-10 16:28:03 · answer #8 · answered by Mel 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are right to worry because even if you are not sexually involved you are emotionally involved. If this is innocent, his wife would be okay with it. When you hide something from someone there is a reason you are hiding it. End this now before things get out of hand and he expects more. Bottom line -- he's married with children.
2007-10-10 16:25:05 · answer #9 · answered by ursobustedmr 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Others will think that you are having an affair, and that won't be too far from the truth. If you know that his wife will be unhappy about this, and you continue doing it, you are aware that your actions are wrong. I wouldn't "hang out" with him alone anymore. You can still be friends in the social company of others.
2007-10-10 16:31:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋