My fiance is extremely feminine. How do I know if he is gay or bi or straight?

Question

I talked to him one day about his feminity and he said that he is not ashamed because men and women both have masculine and feminine qualities. He says that he is confident as a man and he is well aware that he has feminine qualities and feels fine about it. He says just because a man has feminine qualities does not mean he is gay.

But, I still wonder and I can't help but be suspicious because from time to time he talks like a woman and thinks like a woman and loves to decorate the house, and sometimes he's very girly, more than me. I don't want a girl-friend as a husband, I want a manly man as a husband.

I'm still suspicious, what is your advice and experience.

When ever he acts feminine, I get turned off.

I really love him but I am not sure if he is straight. If he is straight, I not sure if I can continue to live with this. What should I do?

Answer 1

You're engaged? Typical woman. Why in blazing heck would you marry a guy and you don't know if he's straight? What is wrong with you? How intimate do you expect to be when you can't even ascertain whether or not he will be able to give you good sex? If this is a joke question, it's good, by the way. If it is, though, you have to understand, so many women really think like this that it's hard to tell.

Answer 2

First off, I agree with the responders who correctly point out that you want "a manly man" not an effeminate one. So why are you still engaged?

He must have some qualities that brought you to the point of engagement, or have you glossed over that part?

While he may be confident of his maleness, he may also be a transvestite, also known as a cross dresser. This does not mean homosexual or Bi !!! It means he enjoys dressing or appearing as a female. Then again, he may simply be effeminate and that is the end of it.

Drop the suspicions, sit down and have a long, friendly talk with your best friend who you are engaged to and talk about it. Tell him what turns you on and off and discuss WHY it does so. (that is probably the most important part). You need to figure out why you "really love him" and realize that he is NOT GOING TO CHANGE! Part of a relationship and love is the acceptance of the person AS THEY ARE and not how you want them to be.

If you can't accept him, all of him, then you need to come to terms with what you can accept and what you cannot. Understand that even these points will change over time for people who continue to grow and don't become set in thier ways and refuse to consider other options. Then you will be able to decide if this is the right relationship that will end in a trip down the asile.

If he is TV/CD, and you can accept that, remind him that there will likely be limits to what you can accept and that those limits are open for discussion. If you do nothing but demand (and don't conceed), then you have no relationship to worry about.

Love is hard, people are not always what we want them to be. But he might be more understanding of your feminine needs, times and mood swings and a lot of other things that most "manly men" can't understand enough to sympathize with.

Good luck, and keep the lines of communication with him OPEN.

Answer 3

well... you've already said you want a "manly man" for a husband... and that he's not it!!... so what the hell are you engaged for?... I do think that there are effeminate straight men... or so I've heard... I know I've met extremely "manly man" gay guys... but it sounds like you should hold off to figure out if he's your one true love... or just the one who'll marry you... and can you accept that down the line he could come out and tell you he's gay?... if not... then wait until you're damn sure... it's best for him too... especially if he is gay... ( btw... I'd start taking a look at the history in his computer to see if he's going on any gay sites or anything... that's usually where all of that stuff ends up showing up... emails..history...stuff like that... )...

Answer 4

Surely though you saw those signs before you shacked up with him. Or did you think like many other women that you could change him. Fraid not. Bait him now and dont question him of his orientation. Ask questions of his childhood, sport and interests. He will know what you're up to but he will answer.

Answer 5

You are contemplating an important life step and, because you're unsure, need more professional advice than you're likely to find in forums such as this. Seek a competent professional for pre-marital conselling and let us know how it goes.

Answer 6

If there is anything you don't like about him, you should not marry him because you can't change a man into what you want him to be.
He is what he is and if you don't like that you will be unhappy with the situation.
He sounds like a good one to keep for a friend, though.

Answer 7

i'll be honest with you, i think you should break up with him. you say yourself he does stuff that turns you off...you are suspicious of him...you are not even sure if he prefers women...

What Are You Thinking??

you say you are in love with him now...but look down the road...how will you feel after you two have been married a couple of years...

doesn't sound like it's going to work out for you two, to me...

Answer 8

ask him if he wants to try a 3-way. or if he had to choose someone for a 3-way, who would he choose? if he chooses a boy, he's bi. If he chooses a girl, he's straight.