Should I do counseling or Move on?

Question

It will be a year this saturday that my boyfriend and I have been together.He sold his house in Florida and we moved away from all family.I wished for us to reside in NC. About 2 months after we were together I started noticing his insecurities and controlling behavior. I have left and came back to him 4 times already thinking it would get better. After our move it's not better and he is more down and negative now then ever. He is a hard worker and a great father to my son.He has never beat me or anything of the sort.Yet, my family is concerned that one day it could lead to that. He has threatned to kill himself many times if without us. I just feel I have lost myself, I feel as a prisoner, walking on egg shells to keep him smiling. I've left to visit family~ I'm torn on wether or not to return. Please help Me!!!

Answer 1

MOVE ON....RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
Listen to your family and take it from someone who ended up beaten, broken and disappointed after thinking it would change, it would not escalate to violence, he loves me, I love him etc.....

Oh! my heart goes out to you because it sounds like you have a chance to get out of a HORRIBLE situation if you just go on without him.

Don't accept the guilt trips! Don't allow him to make you think he is going to kill himself! Don't allow him to control your better judgement.

When someone shows you who they really are.....BELIEVE THEM! I know this is long, but check this out........

Tell if You're in an Unhealthy Relationship
Unhealthy or abusive relationships occur all the time.
Common characteristics of unhealthy relationships include: aggression; intimidation and control; economic domination; and minimizing, denying, and blaming.

Different kinds of abuse happen in unhealthy relationships – even if it is at subtle levels and hard to see at first. Abuse can come in many forms: physical, emotional, verbal and/or sexual.

PHYSICAL ABUSE
Does your partner:
 Push or shove you
 Hold you back from leaving
 Hit or punch you
 Lock you out of the car
 Slap or bite you
 Kick or choke you
 Throw objects at you
 Leave you behind somewhere
 Control your actions

EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Does your partner:
 Ignore your feelings
 Insult or ignore your beliefs/values
 Refuse to socialize or talk to you
 Make decisions for you
 Talk about involvements w/ other partners
 Act jealous for no reason
 Shout at you
 Withhold approval or affection from you as punishment
 Threaten to hurt you
 Manipulate you with lies and contradictions
 Drive recklessly to frighten or intimidate you

VERBAL ABUSE
Does your partner:
 Make you feel threatened, intimidated, humiliated, yelled at, inferior or stupid
 Call you names, make you feel crazy, play mind games
 Use emotional or verbal assaults to make you feel sad, worthless or unwanted
 Constantly use words or feelings to criticize, belittle, embarrass, shame, insult or reject you
 Make excessive, aggressive, unreasonable demands that are beyond your capacity

SEXUAL ABUSE
Does your partner:
 Joke or make remarks about your sex/intimacy
 Get jealous, angry, tell you that you should be more sexually active
 Insist that you dress in a more sexual way than you feel comfortable with
 Minimize the importance of your feelings about sex/intimacy
 Criticizes you about your sexual performance
 Withholds affection
 Flirt or make moves on others in front of you
 Call you sexual names as a put-down
 Insist on unwanted touching or other unwanted sexual/intimate act

**If you answered "yes" to 3 or more questions you are experiencing dangerous signs of relationship abuse. It may be time to seek out help, after all YOU DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED AND HAPPY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS!!

ALSO REMEMBER--YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Unfortunately, somewhere between ¼ and ½ of all young adult relationships involve some form of abuse—whether it be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual or psychological. Oftentimes, destructive relationship dynamics appear slowly over time and you do not realize you are being controlled and manipulated until you are deeply involved in the relationship. You may feel confused and scared about what is going on, but you need to deal with it because the abuse will likely get worse over time. Please find help and support for yourself.

How to Help Yourself:
• You must realize the seriousness of the abuse and make your getting help the first priority in your life.
• Talk to trusted friends, family members, or professional counselors to help support you as you entangle yourself from the relationship and regain your former self-esteem that has been temporarily stolen from you

Answer 2

No, do not stay with him.

You should NEVER compromise or change who you relaly are to please someone else - #1 rule!! (You will always resent & hate it)

His insecurities and issues of control are NOT your problem. You do not need it, don't take it.

The problem is that YOU want to return to him and you should not (4 times already). You need to seek help for your own personal issues, to fix yourself so you can find the right person for you - the way you really are.

Don't go back to him again, get help, get better, and find someone who will love you and your son even more - and without you being fake or controlled.

You deserve the best you can get - we all do.

Answer 3

Move on... There are more fish in the sea. A happy relationship will not make you feel like that. A year is not too long to invest, don't let it turn into 5-10 years of wasted time.

Answer 4

DO NOT GO BACK!!! Moving you and your child away from all family was the first step of the isolation process, which is when they will then start to make you feel that you have no one to go to for help, then the abuse will start. Get out and as far away as you can.

Answer 5

Statistically, relationships like this only get worse. I would think long and hard before even considering counseling. In my opinion, you should just save yourself before it is too late and he hurts you physically.....

If you are safe, and you can establish yourself and keep your life moving. Don't go back.... that would be my advice

Answer 6

It sounds like he could use some counseling, especially if he is threatening suicide. If you can afford it, perhaps you could offer to go to counseling with him, at least initially, and offer to pay for it, so that he may be more likely to go. Other than helping him seek out professional help, I doubt that there is much you can do to solve his problems for him.

Answer 7

It seems such as you adult adult males are doing a sturdy job of working with the aid of a tough difficulty. i think of think approximately to compromise on residing aside for the reason which you may not make a contribution financially and he would not make sufficient to cover 2 places. How approximately in case you had a separate room interior one companion and young babies?

Answer 8

I think that you have the foundation of a good relationship. But your partner needs individual counseling, and you both need couples counseling. It's worth a shot.

Answer 9

Both of you need to get into counseling.... Him for his insecurities, and holding you hostage with a death threat, you for being a nut case to put up with it. If you want this relationship to work, you each have some changing to do.

Answer 10

Tonya S, Stay home ! Your family may be right and your better off safe than sorry ! Counseling is silly,commen sence is all they are giving you. Home is where the heart is !

Answer 11

Leave him. You are wasting your life on something that it's not worth it. Leave now before it's too late, and no matter how hard it will be at the beginning, you will be okay.

And you will meet guys who are so much better than that!