Let me preface this by saying that I am putting it in the marriage and divorce category because I am hoping to get some better responses that I would from the teeny-boppers in singles and dating. I am dealing with this situation, which, admittedly, is a little weird. I have been with my boyfriend long enough to have worked out all of OUR issues - he's not the problem here. The problem is that about a week ago, he had an awful nightmare that I was cheating on him (preposterous) with one of our mutual acquaintences, and that I was very cocky about it, and not sorry at all. This is an awful dream, of course, and he woke up very very upset after having it. We talked about it, and he knows that I would never cheat on him, so things mostly smoothed over. Until yesterday. A group of friends are planning a get-together, and we are invited. Unfortunately, so is the acquaintence that he dreamed I was cheating on him with.
2007-10-10 08:28:09 · 20 answers · asked by HooliganGrrl 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that he feels weird about seeing the guy after this happened. He knows that there is no way that I would cheat on him with this guy or anyone else, but the feeling remains the same. My question is, do we go to the function?
2007-10-10 08:29:07 · update #1
I don't want to make my BF be in a socially awkward situation like that, but how do I explain to the friend, "neither of us are going to see you anymore, because for a reason that I can't tell you, N. hates you now." - what do I say to him when he asks why we are avoiding him?
2007-10-10 08:30:22 · update #2
Thank you for the mostly kind and thoughtful responses.
To those who denounce (perceived) immaturity in others, and then present poorly spelled and immaturely misguided responses, the irony bespeaks itself. Thank you. FYI - marriage does NOT make you a grown up. It just makes you married. The choice of adult professionals to remain unmarried is not a sign of immaturity, but often, an indication of mature thought processes.
Oh, and filthy_c - bitter jerk much?
2007-10-10 08:54:31 · update #3
Please ignore the "it's just a dream" answers. Dreams are our unconscious minds telling us, "Hey, pay attention -- this is an unresolved issue!"
Unfortunately, however, dreams deliver their messages in symbol form, often making them difficult to understand. I do not claim to be great at interpreting the dreams of people I don't know, but I hope you don't mind if I take a stab at this one. My main message to you is this: I don't think the issue of central importance in this dream was the cheating. I don't even believe he's scared you'll cheat, nor that the dream is about cheating. I do think that cheating in this dream is merely a symbol for pointing toward the central issue. I think the central issue was how the dream you reacted to getting caught cheating: cocky and remorseless. This is telling me that your bf may be sitting on some feelings lately that you are not good at compromising with him or demonstrating that you truly care about his feelings. For me, this dream seems to be saying that your bf fears that he cannot trust you always to take his feelings into consideration when you make decisions that affect you both, and that this gives him a left-out-in-the-cold feeling.
Get into a conversation with your bf, and ask him if he ever feels those ways. After he answers, give him lots of love and affection and, if you can honestly do so, reassure him that his feelings are always important in the decisions you make. If you do, I'm betting he'll be fine at the get-together.
I understand you posting this question here. Another good place to post dream questions is Home > Social Science > Psychology.
2007-10-10 08:44:19 · answer #1 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Me personally I would avoid this party. I would cxl with the whole someone isn't feeling well excuse. It is flu season! I would avoid this party and the guy in the dream for a short period of time. I'm certain your guy will calm down and all will be right very soon again. The trauma is just to fresh in his mind presently. I'm sure it will have a half life and every day his fear/upset will be less and less till this is no longer an issue. If you've been together so long that you are living together and would rather post in the married section I'm certain you already know this.
Just comfort him and take him out of this particular situation. I'm sure everything will be fine! He knows you wouldn't cheat and its a dream I'm sure. Just give him time for the trauma of the dream to pass and I'm certain it won't take long.
I most certainly wouldn't be rid of the acquaintance for no reason if you didn't need to. I also most certainly wouldn't tell the acquaintance you are avoiding him cause of a dream. He would pry think your both a tad bit crazy. I know I would.
2007-10-10 14:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by MelancHolly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why must people always jump to conclusions about immaturity. People ask questions on here to get opinions and suggestions not to get told basically to grow up. How rude!
Dreams can seem very much real. I understand that your boyfriend thinks it would be a bit weird to be around this guy. Perhaps you two should sit this one out. Maybe you and your boyfriend could have a date night. Go out and enjoy yourself and spend some quality alone time. It might make him realize how much you are in love with only him. As far as the dream, I am sure in time it will pass. Until then, give him the time that he needs. I know it didn't happen but give him time to come to terms. I am sure things will work out. Stick by his side. Best of luck to you!.
2007-10-10 08:40:19 · answer #3 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't, but then again I would rather be home any day of the week!
He does need to get over it at some point, and I am sure with time he will. I can understand why he would be upset, an awful dream to have. Maybe say no to this outing... and go next time, after he's had more time to forget about the dream. That's what I would do in your place.
2007-10-10 08:32:40 · answer #4 · answered by Christine 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It depends on the person. Some people are loners and are much comfortable with being alone and feel awkward among people. Some people enjoy spending time with other people. These people will not like being alone. I can understand you dont want a girlfriend because of your bad experience with women, but why you are averse to making friends? It is always better to have friends. Even if it is for watching a movie together, eating together, studying together, etc. There is no pressure to get a girlfriend. Take your time. Find a girl with common interests. One who is interested in a relationship, not in sleeping around. Luck!
2016-05-21 00:25:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too bad your guy had such a dream, what a nightmare.
Has he said he doesn't want to go due to the dream? I think I would just stick to your norm, in other words if you would normally attend the gathering than you should go. If you avoid the get together than it may further your boyfriends uneasiness about this other guy. He needs to realize that it is just a dream and nothing more. I'm sure he has probably dreamt about other things that he had to seperate from reality.
He'll be fine.
2007-10-10 09:11:37 · answer #6 · answered by CINDY J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dreams aren't meant to be taken literally. Maybe it was his fear all along that brought on that dream. You've told him it's preposterious and now he just has to accept and trust. The only way to trust is confront the fear.
I say go to the function as you shouldn't change your life or friends because of a stupid dream. While there it wouldn't hurt to stroke his ego to a few people with something manly he's done lately lol. That usually helps smooth things over even quicker.
2007-10-10 08:33:45 · answer #7 · answered by Dude 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you think you "owe" anyone an explanation?
By explaining everything to the nth degree, everyone knows everything about you. You have this need for everyone to know everything inside your head. It means you think quite a bit of yourself. Stop it.
If the other guy asks why you don't see him any more, just say, "life's funny that way, isn't it?" Don't launch into some weird explanation of how your man thinks you are cheating with him. One it is too much info and two he will think you are hitting on him.
Honestly you have to stop telling people every single thing that is going on in your life.
For example, I know why you put this question here and not elsewhere. I know how you feel about asking your question. I know you think you have worked out all YOUR issues. I know you think the idea of cheating is prepsterous (it isn't, by the way). And I don't even *know* you!
And if you stop and think about it, *that's* why your man had that dream. You are very cocky about telling people too much stuff. You obviously still see this other dude. So your man put 2+2 together and got 4.
Oh and for you women saying "tell him to get over it - geezus it was just a dream!" -- is that what YOU want to hear from YOUR significant other when you have a dream like that?
Exactly.
2007-10-10 08:39:44 · answer #8 · answered by filthy_crumb 5 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Good lord, your b/f REALLY needs to get over it - this is just a dream! Dreams can catch us off-guard, and often they're downright weird or upsetting - but you can't let them influence your waking life. I have several dreams every night, and if I kept track of everything I dreamed of I would be overwhelmed. Really... he needs to suck it up and get over it.
P.S. I actually kept a "dream journal" for about a year, recording every dream I could remember (usually 4-5 a night), and there was some weird sh1t in there! But these are just dreams.
2007-10-10 08:34:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Very starange. But it was just a dream. We dream of our fears, and that's what your bf did. You don't have to go to this particular function but the two of you shouldn't just stop being friends with the person just b/c of the dream. Tell your bf that. Once he sees this guy he may actually think his dream was silly and might find it to be funny after the fact.
2007-10-10 08:36:08 · answer #10 · answered by h&t_oct282007 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋