I have been dating my best friend for the past 7 years. He and I have always had a lot of fun; though he has always participated in acts I do not agree with (He does drugs and drinks a lot). I have been supporting him and his habits for at least 6 of the past 7 years, and now we have 2 kids (a girl age 2 and a boy age 7months). He has been unwilling to keep a job for more than 3 months at a time, quitting stating that it drove him crazy. He has discovered online gaming (World of Warcraft, Also known as WOW) and now he sits at the computer all day and night, in his underwear while I work, take care of the kids and house – not to mention pay all the bills as he is not working. He does not cook, clean or help out in any way that does not involve complaining about how little we have.
At this time, neither of our kids wants much to do with him as he constantly ignores them, or sends them to me for whatever they need, be it a drink or snack or anything.
2007-10-10 08:24:59 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Trash the computer so he can't use it. Tell him he gets a job -- and KEEPS it -- or he gets out....no middle ground here. And he cuts the drinking or drugs...or he finds his way to the door...again -- no middle ground. TWO LITTLE KIDS are watching every single thing he does...don't you suppose that they might learn that it's "ok" to do these things too???
It wouldn't be much of a hardship on you financially to do it on your own --- you already are!
2007-10-10 08:30:24 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. What? First, it would have been wise to not have kids unmarried, but that aside, what is the question?
Does she think she or her kids will be better off with no dad rather than a substandard dad?
She has made a mistake too many people make thinking they don't HAVE to commit. So they aren't willing to commit to marriage, but they have kids...brilliant. And now they realize the enormous gravity of the mistake, and wonder what to do.
They screwed up. Period. Now she has to stick it out till the kids turn 18/leave the house/graduate high school. No matter how usless this guy is he is 100x better than having no dad at all.
Unless and until he becomes abusive, she is stcuk for her kids sake.
As far as the guy being lazy, this is where her NOT being married might help. If he doesn't work she can withhold cash for toys and fun. And she should. If the guy has a problem with it let me know I'll straighten his loser **** out for her.
2007-10-10 08:39:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to hear but it sounds like this guy wasn't much of a mate to begin with. WOW is an addictive game and your relationship isn't the first one to be ruined by it. They should have a support group, I swear! (WOWOW - Widows of World of Warcraft) Not only are you going to be better off without this guy in your life but so are your children. He is not a provider at all and any husband/father needs to be. You already have two children you don't need the responsibilities of treating him like the third. Get out of this relationship and put your money to better use, like saving to put your kids through college, not buying your man's next fix or six pack. He's already gone this long without helping out so there's no reason to think he's ever going to change. You should have left him before this.
2007-10-10 08:34:23 · answer #3 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1ST consider separation. if he will not move out, take the checkbook and the kids as well as your immediate needs, such as clothing, hygiene, school supplies, etc. and find a shelter for yourself and the childlren. The biggest problem you will fact is to not let him know where you are and anyone who might inform him of your whereabouts. Then contact the service of a pro bono lawyer. There are some who will work according to your financial needs. 2nd, if this doesn't wake him up, go through with the divorce. You certainly have nothing at all to lose. But if you stay you may lose your sanity.
2007-10-10 08:35:21 · answer #4 · answered by mmarvinr 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, well, I think the first thing that comes to mind is:
GET A DIVORCE
I know it's harder to do it than to say it, but some people need to hit rock bottom to realize what they have lost...
Maybe you want to consider getting him into rehab, he needs to want to go there, if you can't convince him you can do it by force, it all depends where you live but in Mexico it is not illegal to MAKE people go by force, they can go pick him up between 4 or 5 guys and don't let him out of the center for 3 months, it is a lot cheaper over there and there's people from all over, you just need to plan a vacation to Mexico and have them pick him up, if you don't want to help him then just dump him!
2007-10-10 08:33:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well to me it sounds like your in a situation that you need to get out of. It is a little harder with the fact that you have two kids with him, but if it was me i would give him the options of getting a job and holding it or to find a new place to live. Its one thing to play games online to make it all you do and not contribute to the house or bills is just wrong and you need to put your foot down,.
2007-10-10 08:35:20 · answer #6 · answered by lovebug2052 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a lot of crap to deal with. Sounds like he works long enough to have money for drugs, and quits.
Well, I don't think that it is a healthy environment for the kids or you. I would leave. File or child support. The state will make him keep a job or go to jail.
Move in with a friend, or family where you will have support emotionally, and with the kids.
You sound like you are doing it yourself anyhow. get out.
2007-10-10 08:32:14 · answer #7 · answered by winterpixie_13 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did you love him and decide to have kids with him in the first place? Stop paying his bills, giving him money, and if he doesn't pay his share, kick him out of the house as a bad tenant. Feel lucky that you never married him, no painful and expensive divorce.
2007-10-10 08:36:52 · answer #8 · answered by terliuke 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's your question? You're the one that keeps sleeping with him without protection and producing more kids that you can't support finanically, emotionally or physically. You're the one that enables him to drink and do drugs and pay for online gaming. You're the one that lets him live there for free.
If you don't like your situation, you're the one that has to change it.
2007-10-10 08:29:03 · answer #9 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to law down the law in your house. tell him that you want him off the drugs for good. if he gets caught, you get caught, and your children get taken away. tell him that he needs to have a job by the end of the month. if he doesn't want to, then kick him out. you're pretty much raising those kids by yourself now as it is.
2007-10-10 08:28:58 · answer #10 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋