Am I being used?

Question

I told my bf that my wish was to be married in 2009. We are both 27 and we have been together 2 years. He said he never though about it especially a particular date. He says that he wants to marry me "someday" but didn't want to talk about it. Does this mean that he doesn't want to marry me? If he is not interested in the long term should I stick around?

Answer 1

It doesn't mean that he doesn't want to marry you. There isn't anything wrong with patience. Have you looked at the divorce rate lately. I'd take my time also.......

Answer 2

You're going to get a lot of answers telling you to let a man move at his own pace. I disagree. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having standards and a timetable and sticking to them. By 2009, you will have been together for 4 years, which is plenty of time to know if you want to marry someone. Furthermore, you didn't tell him 2008, giving him over a full year cushion, and he couldn't even agree to that. I say, if marriage is something you want, you would be perfectly within your rights to inform him that if you do not have an *engagement ring* by June 30, 2008, then he has missed his window of opportunity. That would be 8 months you're giving him just to get engaged. If he can't follow through on this reasonable timetable, sadly bid him goodbye and move on with your life.

Spend a little time around Yahoo! Answers, and you'll see plenty of questions from women, some with babies or even older children, asking questions like, "We've been together for 5 years. Why won't he marry me?" I've seen them even up to 12 years together with as many as three children, and still not married and not understanding why. Don't become one of them!

Answer 3

Most people who decide to live together have the female wanting to get married and the male not ready. The problem is, he is getting all the benefits from marriage without the commitment that comes with marriage, there is no incentive.. Although, if you feel he has been committed and has treated you with respect and has shown you love, then maybe you ought to give it just one more year. During this time it is important you take procautions to not have a child as if you do, this will make him feel you did so only to trap him into marriage. I myself, would not like to invest in a man if I felt there was no guarantee for any future with him. The decision is yours. Weigh the pros and cons and see what you come up with.

Answer 4

Have the two of you never talked about marriage at all in your two years of being together? If not, then I would say something is up. Two years is a long time to be with somebody and not be moving toward something long-term like marriage. If you are really ready to marry, you need to tell him so. If he isn't, then you need to move along and find someone who is ready. He isn't worth it if he's just going to drag you along. "I want to marry you someday" is not good enough for someone who is 27 and ready to settle down!

Answer 5

Almost sounds to me like he's trying to say he doesn't want to marry you in a nice way. Some guys will string you along like this for YEARS dodging the marriage thing. I wouldn't MAKE him marry me if he didn't want to, though, as then you get to hear later about how he really didn't want to, but he did because of YOU, then it will hurt you that he doesn't feel "proud to have you as his wife". I'd let him know I'm looking for marriage if that's what I wanted, and if he wasn't on the same page, as painful as it would be, I'd have to move on. You cannot force another into life-long decisions such as these, but that doesn't mean you cheat yourself out of life's finest things either.

Answer 6

My brother just left his girlfriend of over a year. He knew she wanted to get married but he said "she just wasn't the one."
I don't know the particulars in your case, but if a guy wants to get married he'll just plain ask you. Did he ask you?

I know it's hard darling, but I think (no expert here) that you should at least start looking at other guys (you don't have to dump him but you owe yourself to keep your eyes open). You're not married yet, and he's not giving you straight answers. You should not be stuck on one guy who is not absolutely sure he wants to marry you. There's a certain type of person who wants to get married and will be good at keeping a marriage together. They know who they are.

Hope this helps.

Answer 7

I don't think ur being used... However if he doesn't ever wanna commit by marriage and u do well then obviously u need to move on...U technically don't need a peice of paper telling u hey he loves me and I love him. I think if u keep asking him about it now I don't mean daily but occasionally he'll come around, but if u wanna know if he will marry u theres nothing wrong w/ asking him urself he doesn't have to be the 1 to propose u can ...

Answer 8

He's getting what he wants for free, why should he get married. Don't you get it?

Put a fruit jar on nightstand and tell him "it's not free anymore" see what he says. Then when he sits down to eat ask him what he's willing to pay for dinner. When his wash gets dirty, the same thing. Go right down the line, if this doesn't get his attention, nothing will and, he's not ready for marriage so, either forget it or, move on.

Answer 9

it would be a red flag if you have been together for 2 years and not talked about marriage at all. i would talk to him about it. tell him that you do not want to push him, but this is something that every relationship needs to talk about because the long term is the goal of every relationship.

Answer 10

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS STOP PRESSUREING HIM. ALSO, QUESTION YOUSELF AS TO WHY YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? RELIGIOUS REASONS? PEER PRESSURE EXPECTATIONS? A LOT OF WOMEN INSISTED ON GETTING MARRIED AT THE 2ND YEAR OF A RELAIONSHIP AND WAS DIVORCED BY THE 4TH YEAR OF A RELATIONSHIP. A MAN NEEDS TO DO THE ASKING. NOT YOU. IF HE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT..YOU ARE NOT THE ONE HE THINKS OF IN TERMS OF A LIFE PARTNER...YOU GAVE HIM ALL THE BENEFITS OF A MARRIAGE, COMPANION, SEX, ETC....NOT YOU FEEL USED. WELL, THE TRUTH IS YOU GOT JUST WHAT HE GOT IN RETURN AND YOU CAN ONLY BE MAD AT YOURSELF. IF YOU ARE SEEKING SECURITY IN MARRIAGE..YOU ARE SEEKING MARRIAGE FOR THE WRONG REASON ANYWAY....YOUR ATTITUDE NOW CAN RUINE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP THAT IS NOT BROKEN...BE CAREFULL WHAT YOU WISH FOR...THIS PRINCE COULD VERY WELL TURN INTO A FROG.

Answer 11

Well, you might not be in a "user" relationship, but he might have some different ideas about his future than you do. It might be time for you to sit him down and talk about his goals for the future, and compare them to yours. If he says that he never wants to get married, then you might need to evaluate your relationship.