Would a married man leave....?

Question

I think a lot of men are unhappy with their marriage. Especially after 10 years. They don't leave because the alternative is living in a 1 BR apartment (not nearly as nice as their current 4 BR Colonial), not seeing their kids, complete financial ruin, and "starting over" is far more painful than living an unhappy yet stable life. If a man had assurances the "new" life was as good or better than his current life well....adios. Ask your self this: if you met your spouse today for the very first time would you still marry her? Taking into account interests, personality, ambitions, etc. My answer is a resounding no. What to do?

Answer 1

can you tell me why you did marry her ?

Answer 2

Sorry for answering this if you were just looking for the male perspective. I think the grass always looks greener, no matter who and what you are. If someone had a better offer on the table for a man who was not happy in his marriage, then I think it would all depend on the level of his unhappiness as to whether he would leave or not. There's no simple answer to that question.

I think a lot of people are unhappy in their relationships, but it's not to the point where they would leave. Unhappiness is very normal because you're married to another human being who is going to be very different from you. That's the normal part. It's the part where you think about killing your significant other because they annoy you so much when you have to start worrying!!! *LOL* Because you're always going to want something "better" out there.

Answer 3

The whole important aspect of life is to be happy. Material things are irrelevant becaues you can always earn it back. You cannot earn back those days you spend being unsatisfy with life. You know it's really important to keep the "SPARK" in a marriage. You should never give yourself entirely to the person you love. If they know they have you, then they will stop trying to get you. If your relationship has missing pieces, you guys can spend your whole entire life impressing each other to figure out the mssing pieces. Why do you think old couples fight? They want to spice up their relationship. It's not late to start over, because you're just wasting your time trying to put up with it. WHat if like a few years later, you cant take it anymore and you decide to leave? Those years that you wasted trying to put up with it will be a waste. Think about it! You could have found someone better out there for you and start something new. Once your kids grow up or if they've grown up, they'll understand why you made the decisions you did. You can still see them and take care of them. Your happiness is very important so it's okay to be selfish for once.

Answer 4

Men are invariably better off financially after divorce - women are invariably worse off. You can look up the studies. Try the Sociology department for advice.

BUT - if you're religious, and you had a religious ceremony for your wedding, it's probably the case that you've never taken a more sacred oath before God, and I can't envision violating that.

OK, OK, there's some new God up there for Americans, and he'll know you were just kidding and geee-e-e-e, it's r-e-a-l-l-y hard! to stay married, man, so He'll let you off the hook this one time, right?

Well, that's the tough thing about faith and belief. It's not equipped with a dimmer switch. It's either on or off.

Ain't nobody happily married - most are just bearably married.

Answer 5

When you first meet someone and start dating everything is new and exciting. You BOTH are on your best behavior and you BOTH are working hard to impress each other. The thing is when we marry we get into this comfort zone and start feeling that we don't have to work at our marriage....that somehow things are gonna stay happily ever after while we set on the couch of love, so to speak. The bottom line is that in marriage we take each other for granted and resentment for both parties ruins the relationship.
There are two sides to every story and I would venture to say that both of you could improve the efforts you make toward each other. So, why don't you start improving on your end? You are one of the very few men who has been on here complaining about their marriage (it's usually the women) and I'm proud of you. It shows that you actually care. Why not start tonight by putting some effort into the two of you?
Start by giving her a call at work or at home to tell her you love her. Stop by the grocery on the way home and pick up one long stemmed red rose and give it to her when you come home from work or lay it on her pillow, so she will find it later. Send her an email just to see how her day is going. Take her out for dinner in the middle of the week..got kids? Get a babysitter. Buy a card and write how you realize your marriage hasn't been a priority and today you intend to change that, send it to your home address to her. Leave a love not on a post every now and then for her to find. Open the door for her. Put her coat on for her. Do the dishes every now and then. Run her a hot bath.
There are so many 'little', inexpensive things men and women can do to show they care and rekindle that flame in their relationship.
Go to the store and purchase the books "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" Read through them and gain knowledge. Treat others as you wish to be treated. After you have read these books, leave them somewhere your wife can find them, but that it appears you tried to hide them (under the seat of you car?) When she asks you about them, tell her that you saw them in the store and you were really wanting help in improving your relationship (not completley untrue...is it?). She will be impressed that you have took so much intrest in the two of you and it will give her the chance to read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands"...which I feel every woman should read.
I really hope the two of you can work things out. The state of mind you have is one of misery, but you can change it. You have already decided to stay, so why not make the very best of things. Just work at it and I promise things will get better in time....for both of you!!!! God Bless!!

Answer 6

maybe you should be thinking about the reasons you married him/her in the first place and work on that. Of course if we played things differntly our lives would be different in 10 years but come on, you chose the life you have and now you are living it. If you are unhappy then leave, dont leave because you dont think you would have married that man today. You are suppose to grow together in the marriage with interests and ambitions etc, but you are suppose to have your own aswell, thats what makes us all individuals. If you are asking weather or not you should stay now because you dont think you would marry him/her if you just met him/her again today, well, again, think about why you married to begin with, then fix your issues.

Answer 7

first question no, unless you are way better in bed, way better looking, not a golddigger, and treat him like a king.

second question yes, my hubby would marry me all over again--why? because I am an awesome wife, mother, person, friend--and I treat him like he is the king. And yes, I would marry him all over again because I love him more now then ever. He treats me like a queen.

So sorry you don't feel that way. If I had married the "wrong" person and found my soul mate later on, I would try to leave amicably and pursue my love even if it means living with a lot less. Love is what make life worth living, not the material goods. Good luck

Answer 8

I have said many times that marriage is a" gun to the husbands head" holding him prisoner.
The legal and financial consequences are such that one is really (almost) forced into staying even when he does not want to.

All you can really do is ask yourself " Can I live this way forever?"
If the answer is no, then go soon and start over before it's too late to enjoy your new life.

Answer 9

The grass is not always greener on the other side... a lot of men do leave, but they always realize their mistake, a few don't... but that's a choice that you will have to make. My advice is, try to make things work out with her, not just for you but for your children too, if you have any, don't just up and leave, to every problem there's a solution, and if it can't be resolved after trying everything out, and you're still not happy, then yes, you should leave, there's no point in staying if you're not happy, because if you're not happy, you can't make her happy and the children won't be happy.

Good luck!

~ Nessa ~

Answer 10

it sounds like a stage. marriages go through stages. they fluctuate. instead of imagining meeting your spouse today for the first time, imagine instead that you have lost her. imagine walking in your house, seeing her things here and there, knowing you can never ever see her again, feel the emptiness of the rooms, etc. If you can imagine that and be glad, then you definitely need to get a divorce. If imagining that makes you feel pain and hurt, then you need to just do what you can to rekindle your romance with her. What if she is thinking the same way you are, what if she is tired of you? Wonder where her feelings are at this point?

Answer 11

Well, I don't think divorce always works out badly and a man has to pay alimony and child support, though I do not agree with taking a man to the cleaners. As for custody it must be settled between the two of them. A man has a right to see his kid(s) but some men choose not to and sometimes the woman is clearly more suited for full custody, especially with kids under seven who need to be with their mother and so on. As for leaving, I fully believe that both men and women throw away marriages that can be saved but support anyone divorcing for good reasons such as adultery, physical abuse, desertion, alcoholism, mental illness, severe disability, neglect, a blatantly sexist attitude and marrying too young because of pregnancy or family obligation. "Irreconcilable differences" and "no-fault divorce" are for the weak and irresponsible who do not want to deal with their marriages.