Unrequited Love?

Question

I'm a young, gay female (21) and I have a serous problem.
When I was about 15 I went to a new school. I was in the last year and so we had to see a career's advisor. She came once a week, and the first time I saw her I felt perfectly normal, but there was something 'close' about her body language. She would often look me right in the eye, and smile- just in a way that made me think- do I fancy her? She didn't seem attractive to me at all- in fact I found her unttractive physically. But there was something charming about her.
As time went on, I came to admit to myself I had a crush on her, and it grew slowly until I was excited to see her every week. I tried not to let it show, but my embarrassment in front of her might have let her know- she seems a very clever woman. I think she must have known.
-. I am running out of characters to explain, so I will I will find a way t continue the story below somehow.

On my last day of college- knowing that I wouldn't get to see her again, but not believing it, because I cared for too much- we were all in the foyer having a chat.
She was sat opposite me looking up, and I was standing. She looked me right in the eyes and didn't look away for probably about 10 minutes. I tried smiling at her, and chatting across to other people, and looking at the floor pretending to ignore her, but she didn't look away hardely once. I mean- come on!!! She must have meant it in 'that way.'She acted very relaxed, and tilted her head back, showing her neck- it seemed a little provocative.
I was shaking, full of adrenaline and very embarrassed when I left. I didn't know what to think.
I could never forget her. As time went on I realised I loved her. I REALLY love her. That was 5 years ago and I've thought of her every day.
I'm very shy and after a couple o years of hoping to 'bump into her,' I tried ringing her workplace. But she'd left the company and was

travelling in South America. She was on the oher side of the WORLD! The whole time I thought she might be thinking of me, or I might meet her in the street. All those times I'd walked past where she'd worked, and dreamt of her, - I'd even started at a college in a town miles away from where I live, where I thought she lived in the hope of seeing her-and she was thousands of miles away having the time of her life. It absolutely broke my heart. My voice was shaking on the phone, but the lady was kind enough to offer to pass on a letter for me when she got home- which was quite soon.
I put the phone down and cried my absolute heart out, and was shaking like a leaf. I hate making phone calls anyway.
I wrote a letter, and had to hand it to someone at my college face to face- and I reckon they knew. It was so embarrassing. Especially when a teaching assistant made a gay joke to me, and I knew that people had been gossiping behind closed doors. I was mortified.
Eventully she returned an

and she replied to my letter. She was very cheerful and told me all about her travels. I was over the moon and shaking like a leaf all over again!
But she was never any good at returning my letters to her- which I kept up with gusto. A few more years have gone by. I had some troubles in my life which I related to her, they were quite bad, and being a youth support worker, she asked me if I'd like to come and help her out where she works. I jumped at the idea, and for the first time in years, I met up with her again. Amazing!!
But now I've started a new college course and I'm at college on the days I used to go and see her. She hasn't rung me, or written. I miss her so bad but I can't keep chasing her like this. I feel like a weirdo, and if she figures me out I'll be embarrassed. She can't fancy me. Why did she act like she did all those years ago, and lead me on? Did she really have feelings for a 15-16 year old? It sounds rediculous, but no matter what my age, I

still love her.
I honestly don't know how I can love another person like I love her. So I can't just move on. If you love someone you don't just 'accept it,' and find someone else.
I need her, and it breaks my heart every day. Do I tell her- at least so I can move on, and know I tried my best?
if I tell her I would have to write- I'd never have the guts to ring her. Do you think she'd think I am a weirdo, and be horrible? (I do think she'd gay even if she doesn't fancy me.)
The trouble is if she tells me she isn't interested then I'd never be able to see her again, and I don't know I can take that.
Please help.

You have to understand that throughout all this, I have not been able to talk about it with anyone, like 'normal' people can because I haven't come out. This is first time I've ever told the story. I recently told my mum and brother I'm gay, but that's it.

Answer 1

I don't know but maybe you mistranslated her acts and behaviour , I just don't know. you were 15 and she tried to be nice to you , I don't know, as for what to do I do understand every single thing you wrote and it is really hard to decide, I don't know =(
but you wrote that it is Unrequited Love if you are sure that it is so then move on by loving someone else I know that it is hard but life is short , I will give you requited Love =D

Answer 2

That is some story, it may well be that she did feel something for you, but had her own way of not showing it. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex, you are your own individual person and feelings can become over powering. You might have been embarrassed by this, but I think the way you handed it was the best way. Thing is if you don't ask, then you don't get answers.......

Answer 3

Wow is the word for your story
i am not being rood but it read like a book, no i mean a good book
But one thing you have not told her how you feel about her
sit her down and tell her there is this person you have cared for for years but have not had the carriage to tell the person see what se says to that

Answer 4

Hi,
I accept the fact that you're gay and you have a crush on another girl...so will you please tell her how you feel and then let her tell you how she feels about you.You have to do that to get some kind of end or beginning to this. Take a chance ...ok?
I'm wishing you the best!
bye bye

Answer 5

Wow. You are seriously obsessed with this woman! I think you need to move on and find someone who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve instead of ignoring you for years.

Please, forget her and move on! There are lots of women out there who would really like to get to know you. Just look around and be open to it.

Answer 6

i think you probably need to move on, but i've found from my friends that no matter your orientation you can't just say 'ill get over it now' - you need to say what you think, and then if you get rejected however kindly, it can be what you need to start moving on

Answer 7

I hope you consider a career as a writer - you express yourself quite well. But I don't really have a clue as to what you should do!

Answer 8

Wow - that is sooooooo hot!

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