problem with being open in the bedroom?

Question

Its not me, its my fiancee. She seems so uninterested. Like she doesnt want to experiment. She doesnt say no when i try things, but she never initiates. She says everything is ok, and she likes it. I try to please her in that way. You know, by "going down". Hoping she would take the hint. But none the less, no go. She also says, since that our realtionship means so much to her(and it does to me too) that its harder for her. What does that mean? I dont know what to do. I love her to death and would do anything for her.

I have talked to her about it. I dont force anything on her. She doesnt seem totaly comfortable with talking about it. I make eye contact, but she doesnt really. She said she has never had this kind of problem before, so why me? I feel like I am decent in bed. I dunno...just confused.

I'm a very open person. And it seems like she is too. Excpet when it comes to feelings and such. It's almost to the point to where I feel like its my problem. We have our little arguements and such. With other things. Oh...we are also in a long distant relationship to boot. I really do believe that she loves me! And like someone said before, I hope there isnt someone else shes thinking about. That would kill me. Even though i'm sure she would never tell me if that was the case. It's complicated. But I feel like it doesnt have to be.

Answer 1

Are you her first? If so then it's a bit normal....somehow I couldn't be "myself" with my first as well...always worrying what he will think. Now that's the least of my worries, no worries what so ever ;) If you aren't...then there's a big problem....I hope she doesn't have someone else in mind...someone else she's desiring, get me? Communication is the key...while you're holdin her tightly in your arms after being intimate...then talk to her. For example, a few days ago...I was with my mate and while he was holding me tightly...after having a nite of passion....I told him how much I miss cumin the good ol' fashion way just like husbands & wifes do. He asked me "don't I make u ***?" And I responded, "of course u do...but I mean without all the freaky things lol no hands no nothing just you inside of meee you in top of meee" So we rested & suddenly he was makin luv to me...the good ol' fashion way & I came like no other nite....I don't find words to explain how amazin it was. So you see....communication is a must....& if she truly loves you & doesn't want to put the relationship at risk then she should comply with your desires....best wishes :)

Answer 2

Sometimes it is very difficult to be open about matters concerning sexuality, likes and dislikes. It does not necessarily mean that she is disinterested. I tmight mean that she is shy, uncomfortable, hesitant to use certain words......

As far as her not reciporcating with oral, maybe she is afraid because she is inexperienced or maybe she doesn't like the taste or sensation.

It is harder for her because she is afraid that she will be either faulty with her words or actions, or because she feels she will be judged. She doesn't want to risk your relationship.

Put your foot down and tell her that the two of you HAVE to communicate about these things and that not doing so puts the relationship at a much greater risk than anything she might say or do. Set a time to chat about things AWAY from the bedroom, use books or pictures to help move the discussions along.

Answer 3

She sounds like my partner. They say they love you but make no real effort. Well it sounds as if you have talked to her about it. And it has gotten you no where.
That's all you can do. We can't force or demand others think the way we do about sex. Buy her a few books on the subject. That might help.
From personal experience I have found. That one will never be satisfied sexually with a person like that. They have to be the one to make an effort to change. I find it hard to believe if she claims to love you. That it is hard to express it.
I think when people have a hard time expressing themselves. It's because they don't mean what they are saying. In this case she must not love you like she says she does.

Answer 4

don't force the issue. Ever hear the expression 'dont get in the car and drive before it's warm'? Women hate pressure, and she probably does it just to get you off her back because she doesn't want to tell you she just isn't up to it today. Women love romance, no matter how new or old the relationship is. Try making more eye contact with her. But by all means, make her feel comfortable around you. She'll open up to you much more easily that way. And don't throw a fit if you don't get laid, women HATE that.

Answer 5

Brethren, the key here is for you both to communicate with one another. Don't wait until you are in the bedroom to do the talking about it. That's a mood killer...smile. Sit her down and explain to her what you both would like from each other while making love. Believe me, a woman is not going to take the hint of you "going down" as a reciprocal means. Understand though, she might not be interested in what you want or asking for. Can you live with that?

Answer 6

Maybe she doesn't want to do anything wrong or is not sure how to do something and is scared to. I was like this for a while my husband was more experienced then me and it scared me plus I was always scared he would compare me to someone else and what if they did it better. I have realized that is not the case and his love is not based on just the bedroom. It will take time she needs to feel safe and know you love her no matter what. She will come around in her time

Answer 7

Sounds like my x wife. She is so self center. Not much you can do about that. That's the way they were raised. Try talking out side of the bed room. Make sure you do those little things to show her that you love her. Like take out the garbage or washing the dishes. Be sure to take her out for a nice romantic dinner and movie. Just mkes sure you communicate with her.

Answer 8

This sounds a lot like my wife, she never would initiate but said she liked everything we did in and out of the bedroom. She said she was just reserved and liked it when I initiated.

Then we gor married and had kids and she told me she really didn't like anything but did it because she wanted to keep me happy, and now that we have kids isn't interested in any activities anymore in or out of the bedroom, and now admits she only did it to keep me happy (and she wanted me to think we had lots in common).

For me it was devastating realizing our marriage was based on a big lie. It destroyed our marriage - take it as a warning to yourself if she shows no genuine interest now what will that mean when she has you trapped in marriage with kids.

Answer 9

If it's true that she loves you like she says, then maybe she has some self esteem issues. She just may be afraid to show you what she really likes or wants. Then it could be that she is just naive and unexperienced and doesn't know these things. Or lastly, it may be her personality to be quite and bashful. If she is quite and bashful around friends then that is just the way she is. If you love her and want her, give her time. It may be something that YOU will have to accept.

Answer 10

give her time talk sex to her ask her if she knows what 69 is if not show her explain exchanging oral she lets you do her she enjoys it then if it's true love she will enjoy doing you at the same time and she'll probably never notice the difference if she has a gag reflex have her practice with her finger or something love will concur it all [ whats good for the goose is good for the gander] work with her you'll have a long and prospective marriage