My husband and I were best friends for 10 years before we got married. We were both married before. Last night I learned what I already figured out. He cheated on his last wife more than once. I cheated on my Ex more than once. Our previous marriages were awful. For him no sex for 6 months or more at a time. His wife was very degrading to him. As for me I was resented for his business failing and no emotional support even when I was pregnant. It wasn't right I know. I can't imagine EVER cheating on my best friend and new husband, but will he cheat on me. We have a great relationship and we love each other more than we EVER did our Ex's. I want the answer to be no he won't cheat on me. I don't know how I could handle it if he did. I don't want to share him with anyone, not ever.
2007-10-10 06:22:42 · 12 answers · asked by Beth 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
One thing you don't want to do is bring up the past and make him feel like you are accusing him. Just watch for signs as time goes on and if you think something is going on, talk with him (not argue or accuse) immediately and try to resolve the issues.
Hopefully you both have learned from your mistakes and won't repeat them but when you get down to it, neither of you were trustworthy in your first marriages so he could have the same doubts about you.
Buy the book "His Needs, Her Needs" and both of you read and discuss the book so you understand what to do to keep each other happy. Each of you needs to be giving 100% of yourself to the other person's happiness and that is something you should discuss and other ways to stay loyal to each other.
Do things occasionally to let him know how special he is to you. Send him a card at work every now and then to let him know you love him ~ write little love comments in them with a promise for an enjoyable evening together. Check the link below for other ideas or Google and type in romantic ideas for more sites and ideas.
http://www.lovingyou.com/content/ideas/list/
If you aren't going to church, I'd suggest you start going and get involved in some of the Bible studies with others around your age. Get the kids involved, too, so they have a better foundation for their lives and learn the things that will make them more stable and trustworthy people.
Study the Bible each night as a family and pray together. You can go to a Christian bookstore and buy workbooks to help guide you on studies for the family and studies just for you and your husband that will help you work on your relationship.
Wishing you well
2007-10-10 06:39:50 · answer #1 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The first step would be to seriously look at what led you both to cheat. Yes, you identified the issues in the other spouse but look internally - why/ how did you each justify the former behavior. Realistically, no sex for 6 months is no excuse to cheat, so what was going on beyond the surface - were there issues he was ignoring that led to no sex? Did you honestly make every effort to address the lack of support with your ex before looking outside of the marriage for what was lacking? I'm not saying this to judge you or your husband, but often it is easier to find what you are missing outside of the marriage than within.
Also, look at how your previous marriages got to "awful' I mean they wouldn't have always been awful right? Otherwise you wouldn't have married the exes. Realistically look at what YOU might have done differently to salvage the previous marriages before they got past the point of no return. Don't blame the other spouse, because they are irrelevant. Only your actions can be altered for a happier outcome this go round. - Remember - those that forget the past are destined to repeat it.
Then you have to REALLY look at your own relationship and see if there is a potential for the same. Be honest if only with yourselves and decide from there. With cheating in the background, there are bound to be some underlying trust issues that would be best worked out with marriage counselling or even independant counselling on both of your parts.
Ultimately though it is up to the individual to decide how faithful you guys can be to each other and to make a daily effort NOT to let the other person feel the way they did in the previous relationship.
I don't beleive that once a cheater always a cheater so I see a positive future based on what you've shared. I do wish you luck and hope that you've both found the happiness you deserve!
P.S. this could be a painful process - but it's more than worth it in the end.
2007-10-10 13:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You sound like you really do regret what you did in your past, and that's where it should stay, your past. My Day always says: "Yesterday is yesterday, whether it's good or bad, it's gone."
There is nothing you can do to change what happened with your failed marriages. Move on from it, so that you can have a better and healthier now, with the man that you currently love.
Hopefully you two have learned from your mistakes and will not hurt one another anymore. If you're husband is cheating, you will eventually find out. Neither of you are obviously good cheaters, or your ex partners, would not have found out about your indiscretions. At least I know they wouldn't have, if it were me. With that said, if your husband does decide to cheat on you, I'm sure you will eventually find out. In the meantime, my advice to you, is to communicate well with one another, in your current relationship, and don't degrade him, with the no sex for 6 months penalty, like he's a child or something. When you treat men like children, they will act like children in response. Good luck to you both.
-Knowledge24
2007-10-10 13:39:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's impossible to predict, but I think that in addition to considering the conditions of past relationships that may have contributed to cheating you need to consider yourselves and how you've changed.
In other words, have you learned from your past mistakes? Are you both more mature than you were the last time around?
Cheating and relationship problems aren't just situational, they're often caused by immaturity.
2007-10-10 13:32:46 · answer #4 · answered by Duck! 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
as his best friend you probably know, in detail, why he cheated. As long as you do not make the same mistakes as his ex-wife, I see no reason why he would look in the other direction...
2007-10-10 13:53:35 · answer #5 · answered by De-Activated Bad Profile 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe that saying "Once a Cheater, Alway a Cheater", People change, our life circumstances change. Who can say they are the same person they were five years ago? You have to believe in and be committed to each other.
2007-10-10 13:57:21 · answer #6 · answered by MotherB 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you tell him that? Do you trust him? If the answer is that.
Nobody will give you a 100% guarantee but trust is essential and the communication on what you expect
2007-10-10 13:54:11 · answer #7 · answered by MissE 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its up 2 both of u to be faithful to the other...If he truely loves u then yes he will be faithful but u need to be faithful too.
Hope it works out 4 ya
2007-10-10 13:30:32 · answer #8 · answered by uloseallurmarbles 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
There will be a hell of a lot of insecurity as you both started a relationship after such messy past relationships.As you both know about each other too,that makes it worse.
If he loves you,I guess he will be faithful but,by the way you described him with his last wife......I wouldn't want or trust him.Sorry!!!
2007-10-10 13:35:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
If you BOTH have learned from one another's past you should be fine.
2007-10-10 13:44:46 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋