Thanks for the good ADVICE. WHAT NEXT?

Question

Thanks for the good advice. Husband left me for a women who lives down the street and he lives down the street so I see them all of the time. Your good advice was to ignore them and let it go.
OK.
What next? How do I start a life here, in this neighborhood, in which they are both well known and invited to every social event. ( No, I don't talk and cry and complain to people in the neighborhood (only my mother) but they seem to have taken his side because of the power that they both yield, politically and socially). A woman ina couple that we were friends with and she and I used to go shopping and also walk for execise twice a week dropped me because her husband wanted to stay friends with my husband and OW. People volunteer that it must be hard for me, given that it is in my face. Whenever they ask about him, I stay neutral or say something positive. Is this the wrong approach? We do have two little kids that I don't want to suffer.

How do I start my own life? Thanks.

Answer 1

You need to find things to do outside the neighborhood for now - join a health club perhaps, join a bowling league, and develop friends that are outside that area. If he left you to become such a social snob, it may come back to haunt him when things do not work out there or he finds someone even more connected and leaves her for another person. You shouldn't really condemn him because of the kids but on the other hand, you don't have to be neutral either. you could perhaps say that he had social ambitions and wanted power and you did not bother with that. You can even say that you wish him luck with that. If by political power you mean an elected position, you may get some satisfaction by campaigning for the opponent in the next election. you might even be able to say "this is a man who doesn't keep his word! I know, because I am his ex-wife!"

Answer 2

If he was a true man he would own up to everyone that this is all his fault. Your kids will suffer a little because this guy is there dad, but you need to move. Get away from these people. My husband is still around but had an affair and i think about that all the time. Your sanity is going to be lost if you stay. The people you once called friends, are not friends and never were. A true friend sticks with you through hard times not worrying about their 'reputation' my advice would be to pack up, move, far enough but so he can still have contact with kids, unless otherwise directed by court, then start a new fabulous life with your wonderful kids. It will be hard, but you seem like you are a strong women. You can do it.

Answer 3

just continue putting your kids first , they will see when they get older how tough this has been for you and admire you , I know i do , i cant imagine being in your situation, as for the friends that choose him and her , then let them choose them , you are far better off with out friends like that any way . Try getting a hobby , join some classes somewhere or a support group . Take a vacation with the kids. when you see the ex out with his whore, smile like you dont have a care in the world. continue staying nuetral , people expect a conflict , dont give them the satisfaction of seeing one. Try dating again, this guy did you a favor by moving out , he doesnt respect you or your children. on the days the kids go to daddies , go to the movies , go shopping , give yourself a treat. running from your problems is not an option , you would show your kids that ignoring your problems is the way to go . i would make them look at you and your children and remember daily what they did, if she stole your husband the other wives better watch out its very likely she will do it again .

Answer 4

First off you have to start by just letting go. Stepping back and taking time for yourself to figure out who you are and where you are at this particular point in your life. Once you get some perspective then simply start dating again. Keep staying positive and saying/doing the right things in public and for your children. Kill them with kindness as my mom always told me. Just live day to day though and take care of yourself and your kids. If you feel like you want to go out on a date sometime keep your eyes and options open. People who were once your friends and now don't come around too much shouldn't be blamed. In fact, make the effort to see your friend you used to go walking with. It should have no effect on her husbands friendship with him. Stay strong, keep your head up in the air and walk proud.

Answer 5

Sounds like you need to look at other neighborhoods....if that's an option for you?. That's the best I can think of, and that will kickstart lots of new things in your life right there! If it's not feasible to move, then find yourself a man! At least get out and meet people, date, etc. Don't stay in a shell, you'll only get down more! Find things to be involved in, keep yourself busy.... church, take a class ( i.e.: photography, Karate, whatever is in your area) Getting out of the house will not only enrich your life/attitude, but will also give you the chance to meet new people.
After my divorce a friend begged me to go 'out' on the town w/her one Sat. nite. (which I thought I had no business doing since I had 2 children) but I reluctantly went ....and met my present husband on that nite! (4yrs. ago, and been happy ever since) You never know what fate holds. But don't wait for it, girl, get out and look!

Answer 6

First of all, you should make amends with your Ex, show your respect for their relationship, that you just want to get along and move on. It would be good for the kids because parents are communicating, it would be good for you having mutual friends, it would be good for your mutual social environment. People would highly respect and admire you if you keep your chin up and maintain high spirits.

Then, get yourself into a nice relationship and expect others, including your ex, to treat you with equal respect.

Answer 7

YOU ARE SUCH A STRONG WOMAN!
This exact same thing happened to my boss. She decided to move to a near by town...but it didn't help. She changed her kids lives and schools and it didn't improve anything. She wished that she would have just accepted offers from other men to go on dates and just went on with her life. WHEN she did start dating her ex was CRUSHED and came to her telling her how sad it made him feel. Can you believe that!
Its your life you live it FOR you and your kids. The answer to your question is in your gut feelings...do what it tells you to do.

Answer 8

WOW, I guess my issues are small. I pray for you.
I would honestly move. Get out of the neighborhood.
Then, get a boyfriend, you need some new "good" times of your own to get back on track. Keep it neutral for the kids sake always, but get yourself out that constant exposure to what I'm sure is an uncomfortable situation. Good luck..

Answer 9

I really think you should move. Not too far, for the little ones' sakes, but at least out of the neighborhood.

Answer 10

maybe you should move to a new neighborhood and make new friends?