I'm a wife and mother of 2 kids. My husband and I are having huge issues and they are mostly from myself. Ever since I became pregnant with my first baby, I've totally focused on that part of my life. I think it was because I was young (21 yrs). My husband says that I am neglecting him. I never even tried to be that way. I stay home with the kids now and am not working. I think part of it is because I need to be with people and work. So what can I do to change my ways besides working, which I am planning on doing?
2007-10-10 04:37:54 · 9 answers · asked by Jenn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it's a common problem in marriage. As you said, you are concentrating on the kids now. Your husband feels neglected. So much so that he came to you and said it plainly. You have to remember that you are a couple. You need to take time to make him feel important, and let him know that he is still a very big part of your life. Get mom or dad or someone you trust to watch the kids at least one night every two weeks. Then plan a nice quiet night with your husband on one of those nights, and on another, just the two of you go to someplace you both enjoy. Be it a movie, a drive, maybe someplace that you both enjoyed BEFORE the kids came along. You will be amazed at how much difference you see in your husband.
Good luck.
2007-10-10 04:49:45 · answer #1 · answered by randy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi... it's NORMAL to focus on your children, especially for the first 2 years.. nature provides this -- it's biological.
If your husband feels neglected, then he could take more of an active part in helping you with the kids -- together -- such as bath time, tucking kids in at night... just the simple things.
You could set a time to sit and relax together for a bit after supper each night, as well.
Setting a date night a couple nights a month might help -- get out alone together... at home you could play cards or game once in a while. It can be fun, actually.
Plan a family activity (go to the park, or a picnic by a lake, stroll with the kids, go to the zoo, play outside in your own yard with the kids) on the weekend... (you didnt mention the kids' ages, so some of this might not be possible yet)
Getting out and working isn't going to mend your marriage... i think that time well spent with each other is the key. You don't have to spend a lot of money, or any at all....
Go to work if you'd like and if you need the socialization.
Taking care of YOU is ok. We all need to find balance in our lives, and sometimes all it takes are simple, little things.
I hope things work out!
.
2007-10-10 11:50:14 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Work time into your schedule that is just for the two of you. Have dinner, have a movie night, sit around and talk when the kids are asleep. Ask your husband how you can *both* work to improve your relationship, and listen to what he has to say. Bring up any of your own concerns, and don't let all of the blame for the problems fall on you. It is rarely only one person at fault. Are you under the pressure of doing all of the child-rearing and the cleaning and work? If so, can he take some of the load off of you and pitch in?
2007-10-10 11:51:50 · answer #3 · answered by Mia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even though you have kids you can't forget about your husband.
Theres nothing wrong with making your kids #1 but you still have to make your husband feel he is the king, ya know.
Do things for him that you haven't done for a while like when you guys first met. Having kids does change alot in a relationship but its up to you guys to keep it fresh also. So try doing new things to let him know and stop pushing him away. When a mans needs is not met at home he will be out there looking for it and thats the worse a women can go through and then we sit and think why would he do this to us???
Try and be more there for him let him know you love him put the kids to bed early and make time for you and him.
Good-luck
2007-10-10 11:46:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's tough to do everything when you're so young and trying to take good care of your whole family. Remember that you actually have to come first. If you're not happy and healthy, no one in your family will be happy either. Find things that make you happy and strike a balance between them and your family. Then, my first suggestion about what to do to make him happy is not to ask us - ask him. Ask him to make you a list of 5-10 things you might do that would make him feel like you're giving him the attention he would like. Take the list and pick 2-3 of the things that you find the easiest to accomplish and make sure you do them each week. Don't expect quick results. It may take a while for him to "feel" the difference but he will. In the meantime, go get the book "Five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman. I don't necessarily agree with everything it, but there are some very good suggestions on how to improve your relationship. Remember, the better your relationship, the happier you'll be. That equates to being a better person for your children. Good luck.
2007-10-10 12:12:13 · answer #5 · answered by Holly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband seems to be jealous. You gave up working for him, and that's part of the control factor. He'll think of something else that you do which displeases him. Tell him that there is trouble in the marriage and that you would like for him to go to professional councelling with you. If he will not go, or thinks it's your fault, consider a divorce.
2007-10-10 11:49:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your feelings are completely normal....
I have a book for you to read. It's called "Lube Jobs...a women's guide to maintenence sex".....it's a great book....it really opens your eyes to how important it is to focus on your husband. It gives real world examples from real couples, and teaches you why taking care of your husband helps all aspects of your relationship together. (It's available at Barnes and Noble).
It really did help me focus my priorities. Good luck!
2007-10-10 13:28:02 · answer #7 · answered by KARIN W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing as much as you can. But you can find time for your husband. You can do fun things after your baby goes to bed. Date night, go to bed early, give him a back rub.
And you do need to find time for yourself babe! If you aren't happy, no one is happy!
2007-10-10 11:46:31 · answer #8 · answered by sunnysideup 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to spice of the bedroom scene asap
2007-10-10 11:44:49 · answer #9 · answered by Sweet_Bama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋