Rules for 14 yr old girls?

Question

My daughter is 14 and has three close friends. They spend a lot of time together either at my house, or the other girls' houses. This weekend I found out that one of the other mothers allowed the girls to go in a car with a boy driving to see a movie. My daughter would not have been allowed to go in a car with an underage driver had I known about it....is this unreasonable? Should I be upset with the other mother? I think kids grow up too fast these days and if you start letting 14 year olds do too much too soon, what are they going to be asking to do when they are 16?

Underage driver = a minor, not an adult, not a parent.

Answer 1

totally agree. I have a14 year old daughter who stayed the nite at a mates and the mum let them out at 11.30pm to walk to a mates house. I was beginning to think I was the only sane parent left........reassuring to hear from you!

Answer 2

I am a single parent of a 9 year old little girl. I must say I admire the fact that you are keeping your cool about it. If it had been me, I would have already been screaming at the other parent. How irresponsible can one be? I would calm myself down enough to find out if the other parent knew the boy was under age. However, the part that gets me is that these are still just kids. If a parent allowes their children to have friends over, then they are responsible for their safety and well being. It is apparent that this parent does not think so. How could someone let their child drive with someone they dont know about? Thats insane!

If it was me, I would not want to hurt my daughter for another person's poor judgement. I would not have a problem with my daughter staying friends with the other child but I would not allow her to visit her at their house, especially before I had a conversation with the parents. I think sometimes you have to be careful in these decisions because you do not want your child to be rebellious but at the same time, there have to be rules and structure. Staying consistent is key I think. I hope that helps and good luck.

(Ugh, what I have to look forward to as mine gets older...sigh)

Answer 3

I think personally that the mother was a little bit out of line for not calling and asking you first, but at the same time I feel that your daughter should have called and let you know as well. So its possible that both were a little bit out of line.

I know that my little niece who turns 16 this Thursday has caused a lot of stress and grief with my sister over such things as boys, saying she is somewhere she is not, and trying to sneak out. My sister has tried to "maintain" her place as mother without controlling her. Mainly because (we both feel the same way) by controlling her (too much) can cause rebellion and things could happen that shouldn't.

I think that making sure your daughter understands the importance of honesty, (staying a virgin until marriage), and maintaining a great relationship (open) with your daughter you should have no problems allowing her to be a pre-teen.

When she is 16, I'm guessing that wanting to date will happen...
Good Luck with everything

Answer 4

You have a right to be upset, but obviously if it's fine with the other mom she would have never thought it would upset you. Try to nicely tell the other parent that you don't want your daughter being driven to the movies by a minor and you would be more than happy to drive them next time if she's unable too.

I don't think she'll be demanding more when she hits 16 just because some kid drove her places when she's 14.

Answer 5

You poor thing! You must be going out of your mind. It is so hard to know exactly where to draw the line. Rules, of course, are very important. I believe teaching children values is even more important. Instilling concepts such as self respect, and respect of others, ambition, time management, and the ability to prioritize are going to give the child what they need to make the right decisions. There is a lesson to be learned in just about every situation.
As far as drawing the line..... if the parents push hard, the children push harder. This is not true in all cases. However, rebellion is very real and very dangerous. Being careful not to push too hard and keeping communication open is key.
Good Luck

Answer 6

If these girls are going to be spending a lot of time together all the parents should be clear on the rules. Call all the moms/dads and ask to get together for coffee or something and talk about your rules and ask what their rules are. Don't accuse or blame the mom who let your daughter go to a movie......she just wasn't aware of the rules. But, if you talk about the rules you have for your daughter and they tell you theirs you can make sure all the rules are followed when your daughter isn't home. Also, tell your daughter that she needs to respect your rules even when she isn't at home and punish her (ground her) for her transgression....she should know better.

Answer 7

you are right in being upset.
you need to let this parent know that she should have checked with you to make sure that was okay. I would not let my 14 yo go off to the movies with a boy- besides that I stil have to approve of the movies my daughter goes to see.
I seggest having a good talk with your daughter too- she is 14 and old enough to have a good idea of what is and is not okay with you and what she shold be asking about. I would rarely hold things over the other parents head (though she should have had more sense thant to not make sure it was okay with other parents- she put your child in someone else's care without oyur knowledge)
If my daughter is at a friend's house and they are going to watch a movie there, if it is a movie she is unsure about, she calls and asks if it is okay for her to see it, if they are going to leave her friends house to go anywhere with the friends parents or with someone else , she calls to let me know where they will be or to get permission to go.
Your 14 yo should be responsible enough and show enough maturity to say, wait, let me give my mom a call and make sure this is okay with her, let her know where I will be and who I will be with , etc. It boggles my mind to see teenagers out and their parents having no idea where they are and what they are doing.
The bulk of the responsibility lies with youraughter, but I would talk to the other mother also.

Answer 8

Did you ask your child if she lied to the mother saying she was allowed?
Was the Underage driver related to the mother?
Was the driver responsible?
How to the other parents feel?

Answer 9

Very true what you said about kids grow up too fast. If I were you I would not be upset but I would be concerned about her safety and future. Life is precious. Your daughter is irreplacable, she needs to understand that. You need make your rules clear for her. So like this case you daughter can say to other moms and her friends about her limit. You may scream and/or tell your conercn to other mom, I doubt she would care. Not productive.

Answer 10

Was the driver really underage? Under 16! That is illegal. You should be mad. There is nothing wrong with going to the movies with someone of legal driving age. I have a 14 year old daughter and I feel that I brought her up to make wise decisions and I am proud of her and I trust her. She would never drive with someone under 16.

Answer 11

I totaly agree with you .was the driver really underage? Under 16! That is illegal. You should be mad. There is nothing wrong with going to the movies with someone of legal driving age. I have a 14 year old daughter and I feel that I brought her up to make wise decisions and I am proud of her and I trust her. She would never drive with someone under 16.